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↑ The December issue of halleyhit [2012]

发信人: bingo (天黑了), 信区: Joke 标题: 食糕而肥的十二月刊发信站: 水木社区 (Sat Feb 16 12:44:02 2013), 站内 [ 躺下！ .── 、 .──、 .──、 .──、 .── 、 │ _ \ ╱ .─.╲ / _ \ / ___ \ / ╱ˋ、\ \ ( ╲_/ (_ ˊ │/ / ╱ ╲_/ │/ ╲││//╲__)│ ╲ˋ. ││ // ││ // \\ ` │\╲___╱ ˋ-、 ││__╱ \ \__/│_ \\__,、 \ \___,、 \___/ ││ ╲__,.__) ╲_╱ ╲___╱ \│ \\ ` ════════════════════════════════════════ _____________ ˊ ˋ / _____ \ / /* .╱| │ │││ │ │ ╱\ / /* ╱╱| │ │││ │ │ /\ _.──、/ˊ \ / /.╱╱╱| │ │││ └ ┘ / ╰_.─ˊ / \ / /╱╱╱╱ │ │││ / ╱ \ / ▕|╱╱╱ │ └│┘ ─┬─ / _ │ / ╱│ ▕|╱╱ │ │ │ │ _ / ╲ / / ╱ │ ▕|╱ │ └┼┐ ┼ │ / ` ____ ` / / ╱ \ / │ │ │ ˊ _.─ˊ ︵ ╲" \ ╱ ˋ──────ˊ ┌│┐ ─┴─ ╲__ " ╱╱╲ /" \ │ │ │││ / │ \"_/ ˋ-'╱ ╱ │││││││ │ ˋ────ˊ ╱ \ 食糕而肥 │││││││ ╭╲__________ \\\ ˊ/ \ │││┘┘┘└ ╰─、 │ \ ╱ │ 2012年12月月刊 / \ (\ ︵ │ ─\___/──────────── -封面我要吃切糕- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 有个清官，一身正气两袖清风 by SHENOK │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 上任之初立志绝不贪腐。 │││ └ ┘ 老上级指点，水至清则无鱼，你这样会不容于同僚， │││ 工作没法展开，抱负没法实现。 └│┘ ─┬─ 你可以收点土特产，不违反原则，又显得合群。 │ │ └┼┐ ┼ 清官深以为然。 ˋ ˊ │ │ ˊ ■□■ ˋ ┌│┐ ─┴─ 一天，买买提走后， _/_"__"_\_ │││ 清官因收受巨额贿赂入狱。 │○□□○│ │││││││ □￣￣￣□ │││││││ │││┘┘┘└ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 吃切糕 1 - ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 编个城市探宝的段子吧 by roseven │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 城市探宝节目终于来到新疆， │││ └ ┘ 某物以悠久的年份，巨大的价值，厚重的文化特色 │││ 以及广大人民的喜爱而在新疆多地获评冠军。 └│┘ ─┬─ 在乌市，一小贩推了一车做工低劣的赝品上台， │ │ 主持人欲砸之。 └┼┐ ┼ 小贩一句砸多少买多少， ____ │ │ 最终成功维护了民族团结。 ╲ ╲ ┌│┐ ─┴─ ╲ ╲ │││ ╱╲ ╲ │││││││ ╱ ╱╲╱ │││││││ ╱ ____________ │││┘┘┘└ │﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌│ │ > , < │ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 吃切糕 2 - ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 如果西藏人饿了去买切糕，维大爷该怎么办 by lidan00001 │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 如果那些摆摊的，卖虎骨、刀具的西藏人 │││ └ ┘ 饿了去维大爷那买切糕吃， │││ 维大爷怎么办？ └│┘ ─┬─ 维大爷会不会也去西藏人那买虎骨泡酒？ │ │ └┼┐ ┼ _ │ │ \╲ ______ ┌│┐ ─┴─ \╱ > X < │││ ˊ\ ╲ ╱ X ╲ │││││││ \ ╲ \ X / │││││││ \ ○╲ \ / │││┘┘┘└ \ ╱ \____/ \╱ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 吃切糕 3 - ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ Re: 价值16万的新疆大切糕！ by shakongispig │││ │ │ （由sevensins转载至joke） │││ │ │ │││ └ ┘ 不知道为什么你们要黑卖切糕的新疆人， │││ 我觉得他们挺好的， └│┘ ─┬─ 上次我去买切糕 │ │ 在路边跪三个小时 └┼┐ ┼ 他们就让我走了。 │ │ _/-, ┌│┐ ─┴─ □│─┐ │││ /\│| ┘ │││││││ ,╲丿|__, │││││││ │││┘┘┘└ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 吃切糕 4 - ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ Re: 切糕两则 by penny1983 │││ │ │ │││ │ │ “买买提我今天心欢喜， │││ └ ┘ 赶上了三轮去城里， __ │││ 新鲜的切糕三百斤呀， . ───_ ─── . └│┘ ─┬─ 换回了一辆法拉利。 ╱￣￣╱ \￣￣￣╲ │ │ 什么亚克西， │ `/ │ │ └┼┐ ┼ 什么亚克西呀！ │ /╲ˊ / │ │ │ 党中央的政策亚克西！” │ \ │ \ │ │ ┌│┐ ─┴─ \ | ╲ ╲_/ / │││ \ __\ / / │││││││ \ `\ / │││││││ ╲ s ╱ f╱ │││┘┘┘└ ╲ ╱ ─ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 吃切糕 5 - ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ [原创]骗子短信 __________ by s53262 │╲ ╱│ │││ │ │ │ ╲╱ │ │││ │ │ 一个同事长期在外出差， │╱____╲│ │││ └ ┘ 需要每天给领导短信汇报项目情况， │││ 但是他把领导的电话号码记错了， \ └│┘ ─┬─ 大家也一直都不知道， / │ │ 所以他在这个项目上 \ └┼┐ ┼ 每天给那个错误的号码 __________ / │ │ 发送汇报工作的短信， │╲ ╱│ ╱ ┌│┐ ─┴─ 直到两个月后， │ ╲╱ │ │││ 那个号码回复了： │╱____╲│ │││││││ “以前一直以为是个骗子， │││││││ 现在看来是个神经病！” │││┘┘┘└ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 不吃切糕 1- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 带GF去看同学儿子 by efisher │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 同学的儿子满月， │││ └ ┘ 周末带GF去送红包， │││ GF趴在小孩床边， └│┘ ─┬─ 长得白、真胖之类的话恭维了一大堆， │ │ 突然来一句 └┼┐ ┼ “哟！小JJ还挺大啊”…… │ │ 现在两个晚上我没理她了。 ┌─────────┐ ┌│┐ ─┴─ │ ○○ 刷墙工阵亡了│ │││ └ ││ ─┐┌───┘ │││││││ ╰╯ ││ │││││││ ︿││︿ │││┘┘┘└ ︿︿︿ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 不吃切糕 2- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 我是从哪里来的？ by Jagbin │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 小时候，没等我问，我妈就威胁我了： │││ └ ┘ 你是一个**孤儿院赠送给我们的， │││ 说先试用一下，承诺质量不好6年包退， └│┘ ─┬─ 10年包换，18年包修。 │ │ 我过10岁生日的时候，心里还在默念， └┼┐ ┼ 终于熬过可以退货换货的期限了， │ │ 现在看你们怎么办！ ___________ ┌│┐ ─┴─ \ \ │││ \ 三包 \ │││││││ │ ─── │ │││││││ / ─── / │││┘┘┘└ / ─ ◎ / │ 八│__ 2012年12月月刊 \__________\_/ -joke 不吃切糕 3- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 孩子比我们有想象力 by lonski │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 公交车上，上来一对双胞胎，穿了同样衣服， │││ └ ┘ 四岁儿子看到，幽幽的问道： │││ “你们这是要连连看还是找不同啊。。。” └│┘ ─┬─ │ │ └┼┐ ┼ ┌─┬─┬─┬─┐ │ │ │⊙│▲│□│◎│ __ __ ┌│┐ ─┴─ ├─┼─┼─┼─┤ ╱ \ ╱_ \ │││ │○│⊙│◎│☆│ / ╱\│ / / \│ │││││││ ├─┼─┼─┼─┤ / // │ \ │ │││││││ │△│●│●│□│ \_╱ ︿﹀︿ \__╱ │││┘┘┘└ ├─┼─┼─┼─┤ │△│○│☆│▲│ 2012年12月月刊 └─┴─┴─┴─┘ -joke 不吃切糕 4- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 刚才不经意之间调戏了一个新同事 by shaofanyun │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 校招的小孩，今天全组加班，刚才叫丫过来： │││ └ ┘ XXX，过来一下，看看这个，给你介绍个对象， │││ 然后小屁孩屁颠屁颠过来， └│┘ ─┬─ 我指着屏幕给他看， │ │ 你看，我把你这一堆异步方法封装了一个对象， └┼┐ ┼ 你以后调用起来就方便多了。 │ │ 小屁孩失望的说，还以为你这里有妹子呢…… ┌│┐ ─┴─ ____ │││ ╱ ╱︳ ┌──┐ │││││││ ┌─┐╱︳ │♀ │ │││││││ ├─│ ︳──└──┘ │││┘┘┘└ │ │╱︳ ╱──╱─、 ├─│╱ / 2012年12月月刊 └─┘ ╭┬╮ -joke 不吃切糕 5- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ [原创]我爸的无厘头 by HITCAT │││ │ │ 我爸爸超无厘头。 │││ │ │ │││ └ ┘ 1，浴霸是神马。。 │││ └│┘ ─┬─ 那年，我妹妹才上小学4年级，我上大学4年级。 │ │ 我们家买了新房，风风火火的大装修， └┼┐ ┼ 爸妈就一直在争论要不要安浴霸， │ │ 我妈想安，我爸觉得那是劳什子。。 ┌│┐ ─┴─ 我和妹妹实在忍不住了，问： │││ 爸爸，yuba是什么东西。。 │││││││ 爸很认真的说：西安事变后，蒋介石要找杨虎城报仇， │││││││ 一路追杀，眼看就要追到了，他却被送出了国， │││┘┘┘└ 蒋介石非常郁闷，拍着大腿，欲罢不能。。就是这个欲罢。。。 2012年12月月刊我和妹妹互相对看了两眼，不约而同石化了。。 -joke 不吃切糕 6- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ [原创]我爸的无厘头（续） by HITCAT │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 2，天鹅的新习俗。。 │││ └ ┘ │││ 那年，我们到乡下奶奶家过年，听说奶奶养了三只天鹅， └│┘ ─┬─ 我和妹妹都很兴奋的跑到院子里看， │ │ 爸也来陪我们，看了会，他认真的说： └┼┐ ┼ 现在时代变了，天鹅也改了新习俗。。 │ │ 我们问：什么新习俗？？ ┌│┐ ─┴─ 爸说：它们以前严格的遵守一夫一妻制， │││ 现在也不那么严格了。。 │││││││ 我和妹妹互相对看了两眼，不约而同石化了。。 │││││││ │││┘┘┘└ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 不吃切糕 7- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ [原创]我爸的无厘头（续） by HITCAT │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 3，那三个人是谁。。 │││ └ ┘ │││ 我老公家是长春的，那有个长影制片厂， └│┘ ─┬─ 估计厂里有个3个人穿着军装站着的雕像吧。。 │ │ 然后他们有个地方台叫长影频道，就用那三个人的雕像。。 └┼┐ ┼ 爸爸在我结婚时到了长春，我陪他看电视， │ │ 翻到了长影频道看电影。。 ┌│┐ ─┴─ 正看的认真，他突然问：那三个人是谁。。 │││ 我半天才反应过来他在问什么， │││││││ 实在不知道该如何解释爸的好奇心。 ? ? │││││││ ︵ ? │││┘┘┘└ ? (..) ? /︶\ 2012年12月月刊 ˋ─ˊ -joke 不吃切糕 8- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 地铁上的小朋友 by WFlying │││ │ │ │││ │ │ 刚刚乘地铁 │││ └ ┘ 上下班高峰人多，你懂的 │││ 门一开我一脚踏进去 └│┘ ─┬─ 赫然看到一个小朋友，大约三四岁样子 │ │ 坐在车厢门边一个拉杆箱上 └┼┐ ┼ 旁边站着伊父母吧 │ │ 车门关闭 ┌│┐ ─┴─ 广播说: ……，请为需要帮助的乘客让个座，…… │││ 这时候，那小孩突然对着车顶大声喊了一声: 阿姨，我需要帮助！ │││││││ ...... │││││││ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ │││┘┘┘└ ╱□□□□│□□□□│□□□□│□□□□│□□□□│ (__________│________│________│________│________│ 2012年12月月刊 -joke 不吃切糕 9- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 日文网友最喜欢的一句中文是 (转载) │││ │ │ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127464?s=127464 │││ │ │ 这作文绝逼是孙处男写的 (转载) │││ └ ┘ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127465?s=127465 │││ IFUNNY └│┘ ─┬─ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127761?s=127761 │ │ [更新链接]美国的隐形斗篷已实战化，我们呢？ └┼┐ ┼ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127870?s=127870 │ │ [pic]勾股定理 ┌│┐ ─┴─ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/128075?s=128075 │││ 笑死了 │││││││ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/128213?s=128213 │││││││ │││┘┘┘└ 2012年12月月刊 -迟到的 MMjoke 1- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ 切糕 http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127471?s=127471 孙大圣 │││ │ │ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127611?s=127611 │││ │ │ 这奖金白拿了………… (转载) │││ └ ┘ http://www.newsmth.net/nForum/article/MMJoke/127839?s=127839 │││ └│┘ ─┬─ ╭────────────────────╮ │ │ │ 居然还没吃够。。。 │ └┼┐ ┼ │ │ │ │ │ ○__________________________________○ ╲ ┌│┐ ─┴─ ╰──────────────────── ︶ │││ ╭────────────────────╮ │││││││ │ │ │││││││ │ ︵︵ │ │││┘┘┘└ ╱ __________________________________ │ ︶ ────────────────────╯ 2012年12月月刊 -迟到的 MMjoke 2- ════════════════════════════════════════ ════════════════════════════════════════ /\ __ ︵ _ _ /\│\╲ ╭/ ╲ \ ╲╲ /︶─ˊ_) 总作者：joke mmzt │ ╲ ,' / \ 0 0\ / ︶ ╯ \_/︶ˊ ) MMjoke bingo \\ ╲__/ _/)︵`.╲ \_ / 小黑屋去买切糕了 \ \ - | \￣￣￣￣/ \﹨ │ 刷墙工 halleyhit │ ○ / .─ˊ\__＊__/-、│| │ │ ‵ˊ￣゛ ˋ | │ \ | │ 食糕而肥 ╲╭ ∕ \ │ │ ┌───┐┌┬──┐┌───╮ │ ╱ / │ ┤│ ││ │ │ / / / │ ┤│ ││ │ / ˋ──、 ╱ ) └───┘└──┴┘└───╯ \__.─︶( \╲ .__________.-ˊ ( ) ︶ ╯ ︶ 2012年12月月刊 -封底我还没吃够- ════════════════════════════════════════

Sender: bingo It’s dark, message area: Joke Title: December Issue Sending site: Shuimu Community Sat Feb 16 12:44:02 2013 , within the site [Lie down . . . . . . . . . , , ,. * . * . . . . " " " " ' Eating cakes and getting fat December 2012 Monthly Cover I want to eat cut cake There is an upright official, who is upright and has a cool breeze on his sleeves. by SHENOK When he first took office, he was determined not to be corrupt. My old superiors have told me that if the water is clear, there will be no fish. If you do this, you will be incompatible with your colleagues. Work cannot be carried out and ambitions cannot be realized. You can collect some souvenirs without violating the principles and appear gregarious. Honest officials deeply believe that One day after shopping and leaving " " Honest official imprisoned for accepting huge bribes December 2012 Monthly joke eat cut cake 1 Let’s make up a joke about treasure hunting in the city. by roseven City treasure hunt program finally comes to Xinjiang Something with a long history, great value, and profound cultural characteristics As well as the love of the majority of people, it has been awarded the championship in many places in Xinjiang In Urumqi, a vendor pushed a cart of poorly made fakes onto the stage. The host wants to smash it The hawker can buy as much as he wants Finally succeeded in safeguarding national unity > , < December 2012 Monthly joke eat cut cake 2 What should Uncle Wei do if Tibetans go to buy cut cakes when they are hungry? by lidan00001 If those Tibetans who set up stalls selling tiger bones and knives If you're hungry, go to Uncle Wei's to buy sliced cakes. What should Uncle Wei do? Will Uncle Wei also go to Tibetans to buy tiger bone wine? >X< X X December 2012 Monthly joke eat cut cake 3 Re: Xinjiang large-cut cake worth 160,000 yuan by shakongispig Reposted from sevensins to joke I don’t know why you want to blackmail Xinjiang people who sell cut cakes I think they are pretty good Last time I went to buy cut cakes Kneel on the roadside for three hours They let me go , , 丿 , December 2012 Monthly joke eat cut cake 4 Re: Two tips for cutting cakes by penny1983 Buy, buy, make me happy today Caught a three-wheeler and went to the city Three hundred catties of fresh cut cake... Got a Ferrari in exchange What Yaksi What Yaksi? Policies of the Party Central Committee Yaksi f December 2012 Monthly joke eat cut cake 5 [Original] Scammer SMS by s53262 A colleague is away on a business trip for a long time Need to send text messages to leaders every day to report project status But he remembered the leader's phone number wrongly Everyone never knew So he's on this project Give that wrong number every day Send text messages reporting work until two months later That number replied I always thought he was a liar Now he seems to be a psychopath December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 1 Taking my GF to see my classmate’s son by efisher Classmate’s son is one month old Take your GF to give out red envelopes on weekends GF lies next to the child's bed I got a lot of compliments like "I'm white, I'm really fat" and so on. Suddenly Yo, little JJ is quite big I've ignored her for two nights now. The wall painter died in action December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 2 where do i come from by Jagbin When I was little, my mother threatened me before I even asked. You were given to us by an ** orphanage He said he would give it a try first and promised a 6-year refund if the quality was not good. 10-year replacement guarantee and 18-year repair guarantee When I celebrated my 10th birthday, I was still thinking silently in my heart Finally passed the deadline for returns and exchanges. Now let's see what you do Three guarantees 8 December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 3 Children have more imagination than we do by lonski A pair of twins got on the bus, wearing the same clothes. When my four-year-old son saw it, he asked quietly Do you want to watch them again or look for differences? December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 4 I just inadvertently flirted with a new colleague by shaofanyun The whole group of kids recruited by the school is working overtime today. I just called Ya over. XXX Come over here and take a look at this. Let me introduce you to someone. Then the little kid came over and turned around I pointed at the screen to show him Look, I encapsulated a bunch of your asynchronous methods into an object It will be much more convenient for you to call in the future The little kid said disappointedly, I thought you had a girl here. December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 5 [Original] My dad’s nonsense by HITCAT My dad is so ridiculous 1 Yuba is a magic horse That year, my sister was in the fourth grade of elementary school and I was in the fourth grade of college. Our family bought a new house and it was a huge renovation. My parents have been debating whether to install a Yuba My mom wanted to be safe, but my dad thought it was Lao Shizi. My sister and I couldn’t bear it anymore. Ask Dad, what is yuba? Dad said seriously that after the Xi'an Incident, Chiang Kai-shek wanted to take revenge on Yang Hucheng. I chased him all the way and was about to catch him, but he was sent out of the country. Chiang Kai-shek was very depressed and patted his thighs, unable to stop. This is what I want to give up December 2012 monthly issue My sister and I looked at each other and both turned to stone. joke, don’t eat cut cake 6 [Original] My Dad’s Nonsense Continued by HITCAT 2 New customs of swans That year we went to my grandma’s house in the countryside to celebrate the New Year. I heard that grandma raised three swans. My sister and I were very excited and ran to the yard to watch Dad also came to accompany us and watched for a while. He said seriously Now times have changed, and swans have also changed their customs We asked what new custom Dad said they used to be strictly monogamous. It’s not so strict now My sister and I looked at each other and were both petrified. December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 7 [Original] My Dad’s Nonsense Continued by HITCAT 3 Who are those three people? My husband's family is in Changchun, where there is a Changying Film Studio. I guess there is a statue of three people standing in military uniforms in the factory. Then they have a local channel called Changying Channel, which uses the statues of those three people. Dad arrived in Changchun when I got married, and I watched TV with him Turned to the Changying channel to watch movies Just as he was looking at it carefully, he suddenly asked who those three people were. It took me a while to realize what he was asking. I really don’t know how to explain dad’s curiosity? ? ? ? .. ? December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 8 Children on the subway by WFlying Just took the subway There are a lot of people during rush hour, you know As soon as the door opened, I stepped in Suddenly I saw a child, about three or four years old Sitting on a trolley box next to the carriage door Yi's parents are standing next to him, right? door closed The announcement said: Please give up your seat for passengers who need help. At this time, the child suddenly shouted to the roof of the car: Auntie, I need help. ... December 2012 Monthly joke don't eat cut cake 9 The favorite Chinese sentence among Japanese netizens is reposted http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127464?s 127464 This composition must have been written by Sun Virgin. Repost it http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127465?s 127465 IFUNNY http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127761?s 127761 [Updated link] America’s invisibility cloak has been put into practice. What about us? http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127870?s 127870 [pic]Pythagorean Theorem http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 128075?s 128075 LOL http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 128213?s 128213 December 2012 Monthly Late MMjoke 1 cut cake http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127471?s 127471 Sun Dasheng http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127611?s 127611 I got this bonus for nothing. Reprinted http: www.newsmth.net nForum article MMJoke 127839?s 127839 Haven't eaten enough yet December 2012 Monthly Late MMjoke 2 Chief author joke mmzt ,' 0 0 MMjoke bingo . Little Black Room. I went to buy cakes. ﹨ wall painter halleyhit . ゛ Eating cakes and getting fat . . . December 2012 Monthly Back cover I haven’t had enough yet