Sender: biancr eat a plum and become a superman, message area: Joke Title: [Monthly] Spring-filled March issue Sending site: Shuimu Community Tue Apr 13 16:44:45 2010 , within the site . . ﹐ ' Interesting March issue . " . ;' o, . . < ﹤;" < > >> > > < .'[PIC]Trick kids topjoker http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 15 .'[PIC]ping zli07 http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 18 .'[PIC]The dog needs to be fed M1C1 http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 21 .'[PIC]I listen to you Bardsley " http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 20 . .'[PIC]Fashionable people in a sandstorm opener21 http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 22 o, . .'[PIC]P School of Physical Education howyoung tRNA reprinted http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 5 1014 16 < > mmjoke 01 > > > < A joke about my two bosses nanawawa There are three directors in our department: one chief and two deputy The deputy directors have the same rank, but one is tall and looks a lot like the leader, Director Gao. The other one is short. Much shorter than the average person. He doesn’t look like a leader at all. Director Short. " . During the National Games, Director Gao took one of our colleagues to Qingdao for business o,. We set off late and there was a traffic jam on the road. It was a bit late to arrive at the airport. During the security check, a colleague had too many lighters in his bag and body and was checked repeatedly < After being urged several times by the airport announcement, the two of them boarded the plane out of breath. The other passengers looked at the two of them with displeasure. > [To be continued] joke 2 > > > < It was not easy for the two of them to walk back, so they found two empty seats in front and sat down. The two seats were in front of each other. After one The colleague turned around and looked around and found that he was being looked down upon. He calmly took out his phone and looked at it Then he stood up and bent down and said to Director Gao sitting in front, "Boss, I'm coming from Qingdao." I believed it. They said the police car is ready down there. Director Gao reacted quickly. The two often played double acts and told them not to disturb the people. " . The cabin suddenly became quiet and I was speechless all the way to Qingdao. o, . This incident later became known to everyone and became a classic < Then this talented colleague went on a business trip with Director Xiao one time But unfortunately there is no plane, so we can only take the train > [To be continued] joke 3 > > > < Once again, the two of them rushed to the train out of breath, relying on the fact that they had some kind of documents, which they usually didn't have. Go ahead and wait for the train I was speechless all the way after getting on the train. We were almost at the end. It’s time for the colleague to repeat his old trick. He stood up and told Director Xiao that there was a text message from the leader XX. The police car is ready As a result, the short director stammered, "Ah, oh, that one, can I follow you inside?" Does your family talk on the phone? "As soon as he finished speaking, the quiet carriage suddenly became alive. ........ o, . < > joke 4 > > > < The most honest Tsinghua girl I have ever seen in my life higuys In the afternoon, at a job fair, a young junior girl from Tsinghua University came for an interview. She, you guys are in a group I am She, you did a good job, right? "I'm not good. She, I said, why haven’t I heard of her? i o, . She, you still run an Internet cafe? Have I heard of this < she has heard of how do i feel > [To be continued] joke 5 > > > < She has only heard of it and has never been on it I Apart from having a good image and temperament, I meet all the conditions you want from her. I don’t. Your image and temperament fit very well. She Oh, then I meet everything. Do you want me? Me We still have to do a second interview. She, let's have some noodles here. You see there's no one in front of your stall, even if you're free. "Idle. I Me Do you like startups o, . She, yes, I usually want to intern at a startup company in Zhongguancun to give them Sweep the floor < Why do I She feels that you entrepreneurs are really pitiful and wants to help you. > [To be continued] joke 6 > > > < I Me, your conditions are so good, why don’t you go to the Big Four? She, I only applied to one company and they didn’t want me. Otherwise, why would I come to your place? I Me How much do you want How much do you give her? Me How much do you want "She, I said it was less, you must give me that little, I said it was too much, you must not." Want me so I can't say i o, . She, are you transferring your household registration? I don’t transfer < Her bank transfer me > [To be continued] joke 7 > > > < She Yes I have their OFFER. I suppose we and that bank both want you, but our salary is lower than theirs and we won’t transfer it. Which account do you choose? She, of course, is the bank Why do I She, you answered everything for me me "She, you have already said that if you don't transfer your household registration and your salary is low, then where should I go?" I Me, you can come here for an internship but there will be no salary o,. She, can you recruit interns without salary? I can, for example, this girl is our intern from Tsinghua Water Conservancy < Graduate student no salary She asked the PPMM next to her: Do you really not want salary? > [To be continued] joke 8 > > > < PPMM Yes She, why don't you want salary? PPMM She, do you like him? PPMM blushed and was speechless. This cute little junior sister can't tell a lie. We were made to laugh by her there. "an afternoon. o, . < > joke 9 > > > < mistress turn wendyyjw Early in the morning, I was driving to the company in a colleague's car. When I was waiting at a red light, there was a Cayenne parked next to me. She was a beautiful woman. I lowered the car window and took a look. My colleague confidently said that she must be the mistress. Maybe the voice was loud. We lit up, and the beauty heard it, and looked a little unhappy. The light just turned green, so we ran away, only to Seeing the Cayenne chasing after him, he lowered the car window and shouted at us: I have never seen a second wife go to work so early. "Oh, fuck." o, . < > joke 10 > > > < [In a daze] Classmate, which school are you from?zz from ptt Riesz Author love24h7days I really want to be a watermelon Board StupidClown Title [Dazzled] Classmate Which school do you go to? Time Mon Mar 22 19:22:42 2010 " . When I was in the National Army online I heard the commander tell this story o, . I just searched and there should be no OP. < > [To be continued] joke 11 > > > < Sir, when he was in military school When classmates are on vacation, they often invite us to play Internet cafes together. At that time, the military academy explicitly prohibited military students from entering or leaving [inappropriate places] You are not allowed to go to Internet cafes near the school A holiday afternoon at an Internet cafe The boss suddenly rushed up from the first floor to the second floor " Shouting, "Your commander is here to arrest someone!!". There was a panic on the second floor A bunch of military cadets want to run but have no place to run o,. A senior who is known to be quick-witted Come out and stabilize the morale of the military < He said, "Don't be afraid!! We don't wear uniforms, we just have short hair. There are thousands of students in the school." I don’t believe they all know it!!] > [To be continued] joke 12 > > > < Everyone is right So formulate a strategy Just act as if it’s natural!! Come and ask questions! Pretend to be a student from a foreign school!! Everyone sat down again and continued to fight monsters and practice. I peeked at the two officers slowly emerging from the stairs. The officer came up and slowly walked around. The atmosphere is becoming more and more solemn "The officer suddenly put his hand on someone's shoulder. Said: [Classmate, are you from XX Official School?] Just look at this classmate o, . Pretend to answer with a straight face < [Report No!!] > joke 13 > > > < Beauty learns calligraphy lefenbo Blog of a colleague of mine When I got home, I took out the She inkstone and Hui ink I just bought, laid out the rice paper, and burned a pillar of original Nha Trang flavor. After thinking about it for a long time, I wrote this sentence hello world " . o, . < > joke 14 > > > < Look at the desktop again xyy1117 When a man was browsing the website, Yu Guangmiao saw his boss coming over. So I immediately clicked the mouse The boss walks behind " Said something leisurely. Look at the desktop again o, . < > joke 15 > > > < I don’t know if it’s old or not. The Nine Heroes of Old Beijing zz. Vange I remembered the English version some time ago and thought this one was quite fun. According to ancient legend, there are nine superheroes hidden in the city of Beijing. They guard Laobei. The surrounding areas of the capital have become part of the city and have been silently guarding it for hundreds of years. "In the mysterious imperial capital, whenever XIE evil forces arise, they will come from Beijing. Awakening from all directions, completely destroy the XIE evil, and safeguard justice over time. The citizens used the names of these heroes to name the places where they slept, with the central axis o,. Starting from the north line and going clockwise, their names are Ending Ma n Torture Man Choc Young Ma < n TrueWin Man Cheer Man points Sharewood Man Fortune Man Fortune Man Hitchhiker > [To be continued] joke 16 > > > < Hitch Man Dawson Man collectively known as Peking 9 Men. Together, these nine superheroes are the destructive force that can sweep away all darkness. Team Doom, so this combination is called 9 Men team Doom. Schedule Ending Man Andingmen Torture Man Dongzhimen "Choc Young Man Chaoyangmen. TrueWin Man Chongwenmen Cheer Man Zhengyangmen o, . Sharewood Man Xuanwumen Fortune Man Fortune Man Fuchengmen < Hitch Man Xizhimen Dawson Man Deshengmen > [To be continued] joke 17 > > > < The dividing line of Xiangrui Royal Free It was only after I turned around that I realized it belonged to Prince Ma. " . o, . < > joke 18 > > > < Repost two jokes douyah I remember once I went to my uncle's house for dinner. My uncle cooked a table of food himself. When everyone was full of praise, my uncle humbly became polite to my dad. I didn’t learn all about cooking from you. How can it be any better? "When I was a junior in college, I scored 80 points in the afternoon to get promoted. Four boys were of no quality and I liked it. Swearing. A boy scolded me. I am your uncle. After a while, he scolded me again. Your uncle > < o, . < > joke 19 > > > < I took my kids to my father-in-law’s house today zz snt zz's Today I took my child to my father-in-law's house. The child is too young. He is only 2 years old. He can speak well. Dad, Mom, the others are all um um ah ah ah, I can’t hear clearly. "While making dumplings at noon, my sister-in-law played with the child, and the child suddenly grasped his youth. The beautiful aunt’s vagina is made to taste like milk o, . This is actually nothing. The mother just breastfeeds the child regularly. The key is the next sentence < The child suddenly said, "It feels so good." The whole family was speechless while cooking dumplings. My sister-in-law ate them in the house, and then we also > [To be continued] joke 20 > > > < I didn't stop and went straight home. Before leaving, my mother-in-law told my daughter-in-law to be more careful in the future. " . o, . < > joke 21 > > > < My gentle female colleague Aimo A female colleague of mine usually blushes when she hears dirty jokes. Today She was on the phone at work that day and was so polite that she had to argue with the nanny company. How could she do this? It was so outrageous. I felt like she couldn't explain it clearly to the nanny company, and no one took it seriously. After that, she continued to do her own work. Later she became angry and said, "The little boy you sent "The nanny taking care of my old man is beyond the scope of the business, so you understand. Wenyan office collective petrification o, . < > joke 22 > > > < A few private jokes Flybat free range eggs Ever since my wife got pregnant, buying local eggs has become a worry for me. How much does a pound of eggs cost? My wife thinks it’s not earthy enough and I’m so depressed. I even thought about asking my grandma to send a native chicken that can lay eggs from her hometown in Sichuan, and she will lay one egg a day. "Wife eats. Finally, a colleague of my wife’s who lives in Tong’an, a suburb of Xiamen, said it was okay. Naturally we were very happy to buy local eggs, so we asked her to buy twenty of them. I cooked one for my wife that day. She peeled off the eggshell as if she had found a treasure and closed it. He raised his eyes and took a careful bite and said < This egg is really earthy enough I thought, this is so awesome. You can taste the difference in just one bite. > [To be continued] joke 23 > > > < Has a faint smell of chicken manure IQ Emotional Quotient One day, my wife said to me with a melancholy look on her face I heard that in the future, a child’s IQ will follow that of his mother and his appearance will follow that of his father. What should I do? "I knew she was worried about what her child would look like in the future, so she took the opportunity to hit me. I countered Oh, don't worry too much. I will educate him from an early age. Her IQ is far from o,. Emotional intelligence is important < Pregnant women group microx There were suddenly three or four pregnant women popping up in my wife’s workplace, gathering every day. > [To be continued] joke 24 > > > < Let’s discuss parenting matters together and compare whether our husbands are considerate enough. Reply After returning home, I verbally and verbally criticized my husband. It really made me miserable. I felt Facing a women's army Of course, there are also fun things occasionally That day they started discussing the issue of breastfeeding, which in layman’s terms means breastfeeding. Person A said worriedly that she heard that some mothers have clogged breast ducts and have difficulty releasing milk, which makes them very painful. bitter "B, you can buy a breast pump. I heard it is quite useful." C interrupted: Why would you buy that thing if you have a husband? o, . strong woman < The boss of our department is female. She is very busy with business. I talk to her every day about work. People basically have to queue up, and the phone calls are often made one after another. I'm here. > [To be continued] joke 25 > > > < After working under her for two years, the total number of times I saw her get off work on time would never exceed 5 times. A perfect type of strong woman That day, she locked herself in the office again and made phone calls all afternoon. I couldn't bear to watch it. live sigh The boss is so powerful. He has been on the phone all afternoon. Colleague, if the company goes bankrupt one day, she can at least try 10086. try " . o, . < > joke 26 > > > < Post jokes, fresh, warm, guaranteed not to be old, hope to be touched gooneybird Popular science first: 100 kilometers is an annual event organized by Shenzhen Outdoor Forum Mill Countless people walk 100 kilometers in one day, which usually takes 20 hours, from dusk to dawn. black " Moment 1 went crazy. A girl went to buy water at the newsstand. The uncle selling water asked, girl, how far do you have to go? It's been a long time o, . MM answer 20 hours The uncle probably didn’t hear clearly. He was surprised and said, ah, ten hours < Ah you are crazy MM correction will take 20 hours > [To be continued] joke 27 > > > < The uncle was speechless and said in his heart, "Oh, then I'm crazy." Moment 2 motorcycle Baishizhou A motorcycle driver soliciting passengers greets a walking traveler Master Mo, where are you going? I'll take you there. Traveling friends South Australia Motorcycle's Master Nan Nan'ao is a bit far away. I really can't go there. " . Moment 3 The collapse of optimism On the bluestone road at the border line, an uncle was sitting on the roadside, cracking his feet. Hey, I really wanted to challenge myself, but the sole of my foot collapsed. There's nothing I can do about it < Moment 4: The breakdown of mother-swearing > [To be continued] joke 28 > > > < On the same stone road along the border line, a Northeastern GG was on the phone, cursing and walking. road mental breakdown Mom#@ % was deceived by that person and said they were all walking in the city. How can I fix it? We’re in the mountains, Mom#@ %. It’s more than ten kilometers away. There’s nothing. I can’t even walk down. Mom. #@ % I'm still walking. I have to go out to get a car, Mom#@ % #@ % I am a volunteer at the fourth check-in point. I arrived at Shuangyong Park around 8:40 pm. " Park and then put up the tent and spliced ​​the printed maps together to prepare a pair of them for posting. A couple in their late fifties came over Young man, sleep here tonight, you are not afraid of mosquitoes o,. I, haha, the tent is anti-mosquito Young man, are you married? I am married Did you two have a fight and she kicked you out? > [To be continued] joke 29 > > > < I'm sweating Not long after, a thirty-year-old middle-aged man came over and saw me studying the map. You are engaged in urban planning. Why do you have to work night shifts and set up tents outside? That's hard enough I, haha, no, I am looking at our 100-kilometer route tonight He, what, there are more bus lines here? " . When I walked near the Luofang overpass, a middle-aged man suddenly came out from under the overpass. The young man asked: Was there an earthquake? I didn’t react at first. That o,. The man said again, so many people were hurriedly going out in the middle of the night, are they going to earthquake < First Faint. then laugh wildly > joke 30 > > > < My Saudi friend next to me is happy now Reprinted by wuxiao shumyong She said it felt like home. She even opened the window. " . o, . < > joke 31 > > > < There is a kind of love called heavy, heavy zz Napture She is a white-collar office lady in the city; he is a porter in the city After graduating from high school, the two charted different youth trajectories But they still maintained their relationship as lovers. just keep "During the day, she drinks authentic Nescafe coffee in the company. After get off work, she eats the cheap popsicles he bought At noon, she tasted the exquisite meals in the company o,. In the evening, he took her to a dirty restaurant to eat Lanzhou Ramen, which was not authentic. She always thought that such a relationship was too inconsistent with her life < From the day it started, it seemed like it was destined to have a certain ending! He picks her up every day and takes her to the elevator of the apartment where she lives. > [To be continued] joke 32 > > > < He whispered good night and left in a hurry That day she suddenly wanted to withdraw from her love, Then he said to him, "Carry me up!" He looked at the elevator. The elevator was running well. Then he turned around and said OK Without asking for any reason, he carried her on his back and climbed up slowly "He was tired halfway through the climb. Ask her if she can take a break? She suddenly became interested and said no, in a coquettish voice. He really didn't rest and climbed all the way to the 13th floor where she lived. She asked him if he was tired? < He said he was tired! More tiring than moving furniture, tiring! > [To be continued] joke 33 > > > < She knew what he said was true, and she felt a little touched! But they still broke up! Because sometimes, just being touched cannot maintain love! Love itself, apart from touching, seems to have too many trivial things! There was no shortage of porters in the city, so he returned to the countryside He would occasionally call her to tell her that he was growing some crops, "Made a little money. She listened, lightly. o, . She already had a new boyfriend at that time The kind who are well-matched and can put on a good show and coordinate their lives. < Then one day, he called and said that he had saved enough 5,000 yuan. With this money, I can marry a wife in the countryside. > [To be continued] joke 34 > > > < She found that suddenly, the corners of her eyes were moist. Her new boyfriend also picks her up from get off work every day Send her to the elevator, say good night in a gentlemanly manner, and then leave. One day she said, "Carry me up!" Her boyfriend said: Okay. The elevator stopped at the first floor at that time Her boyfriend carried her on his back " Rush into the elevator quickly. She lay on her boyfriend's back Climb with the elevator o, . My heart is sinking rapidly < The boyfriend chuckled and seemed very satisfied with his humorous little trick. That day, she did not accept the usual goodbye kiss from her boyfriend, > [To be continued] joke 35 > > > < The next day, she called him and asked him if he had spent the five thousand yuan. Then she found herself in tears because he had spent it! Throwing away the phone, at that moment, she felt like she was losing the whole world A few days later she saw him at the elevator entrance. He was holding a very high-end ring in his hand. He raised the ring and said five thousand dollars! " . She cried happily and became confused from crying She said, carry me up o,. He said yes Then he carried her up the stairs step by step. < He got tired on the way and asked if he would be allowed to rest this time. She said no, no, no > [To be continued] joke 36 > > > < So he remained silent Climbed all the way to the 13th floor Then she thought, if a man Willing to carry a woman up the longest stairs without even asking for a reason So, what reason does this woman have to reject him? She gave him a long, passionate kiss... "What's even more touching is... This woman weighs eighty-five kilograms o, . *I burst into tears when I saw the last sentence. Enough is enough* < > joke 37 > > > < I aborted the child manfred2007 In the afternoon, I went to the lab downstairs to find my classmates and had fun with a girl there. Po She was so angry that she took off her earphones and came over aggressively. Then you yelled at me, you are a heartless person. "Then he shook my arm and said I had aborted the child. After that, I went back to watch the movie. I was stunned there, waterfall sweat o,. Those eyes around me T T < > joke 38 > > > < Brother Chun is going to hold a concert called Why me weskit In fact, it is the abbreviation of "I am a man". " . o, . < > joke 39 > > > < math teacher jokes dloot 1 The teacher wrote a formula. Everyone thought it was very obscure. After the teacher finished writing, Start reading what you have written and then The teacher said, do you feel awkward? "Some students nodded. The teacher said that I also felt awkward because I wrote it wrong. Then the teacher erases and rewrites o, . 2 < When you write proof questions, don’t write them too briefly, even if they are really simple. You should also write down the omitted things. Don’t do this. The proof is divided into 3 steps. The first step. > [To be continued] Black Room 40 > > > < It is obviously established. The second step is obviously established. The third step is obviously established. So the proof is in the text $ During the revolution, one of the exam questions was to prove a theorem. There was a student Write This theorem has been tested in practice, so it is correct. My teacher dare not not Give points 3 The teacher said, define a set A and the multiplication above A. For example, I define this multiplication "The method is addition in primary school arithmetic. So what is 2 times 3 equal to? Students are confused... The teacher said equal to 5, right? o, . Some students began to nod The teacher asked what 1 times 1 equals < Some students answered 2 The teacher asked what is 3 times 5? > [To be continued] Black Room 41 > > > < Most of the students shouted 8 The teacher is very satisfied At this time, a person walked past the classroom door and looked at us like we were crazy. 4 The teacher continues to talk about this thing. It is more important to teach primary school students than to primary school students. It is easy to accept. One of my colleagues told her daughter that 1 1 equals 8. His daughter "I thought it was 8. When I arrived at the kindergarten, the teacher asked me what 1 and 1 equaled. The other children all said it was 2. She said it was 8 and said what the teacher said was wrong. She went home crying and her father encouraged her. Encourage her to o, . Some students below were whispering about whether this was his biological child. < 5 The teacher wrote a formula and said that everyone should use the method of association to memorize the formula. > [To be continued] Black Room 42 > > > < Method. For example, when I teach advanced mathematics, I talk about the second derivative. Why is the image concave? What is convex? Many people just don’t understand. I tell them, look at this shape. If I add a few strokes, will it look like the concave shape of Chinese characters? "So this kind of image is called concave. But during the exam, some people still wrote it wrong because. Because he thinks the concave shape of Chinese characters should be written like this o, . < > Black Room 43 > > > < The detection method I invented majia008 Do you know that apart from the two categories of men and women, do you know how else to divide human beings? Another way to classify is that some people poop and some people urinate. It's true. You can ask everyone. Everyone has this and they'll tell you he is. " What . Do not believe Do you want to detect a friend o, . Treat him to a big meal first, and then take him to the mall. Wait and wait< Go to the toilet? You shout at the door, are you defecating or peeing? > [To be continued] Black Room 44 > > > < Record it quickly. This is a big secret. Now you know But you must note that this method can only be used once, because this The scary thing about this method is that if you test it a lot, you will find that your friends sometimes It's big sometimes it's small " . o, . < > [To be continued] Black Room 45 > > > < List of editors of this monthly magazine Thanks in advance zt ............ biancr MMJoke editor ............. yoo Edited by Joke ............ biancr " Black Room Editor ............. FZD . Painting the walls ............ Kieslowski Wall-painting plug-in program ............ aotian o, . < Please vote for your favorite joke: > March Issue 46 >