发信人: missed (再出发), 信区: Joke
标 题: 现身吧,月刊~~~
发信站: 水木社区 (Wed Apr 12 12:25:20 2006), 站内
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█ ascii by Joke美工组
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█ 姻缘 驾校趣闻 登山的尴尬 ◣
█ 麻辣烫 夫妻打架 同学vs笨贼 █
█ 家有仙鸡 灌水多的后果 江汉的故事:抗议 █
█ 家有仙鸡续 十年前的恶搞 █
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█ “棍同学?”(原创) ╲╱─╲╱ █
█ 燃烧吧,火鸟! (x) │ , , │ █
█ 命运掌握在自己手中 ╲(00)╱ █
█ 今天洗澡也遇到强人了 █
█ 写写本科时的植物分类学考试^^ ( 目 录 ) █
█ Re: 牙疼记录生活中发生的笑话zz █◣
█ 老板说。。找个女朋友吧。。。。我抓狂啊 ◥
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█ 最近流行什么? ╲╱─╲╱ █
█ 当然是那什么什么的山了, │ , , │ █
█ 其实,每个人心中都有那么一座什么什么山…… ╲(00)╱ █
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█ ( MMjoke推荐 ) █
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█ [WMV]每个联盟心中都有一座赤脊山 █
█ ——by hehesan █
█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10632 █
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█ “人不能无耻到这样地步”, █
█ 凯哥的一句话引发了《无极》的又一轮高潮。 ╱/\╲ █
█ 春晚上“吉祥如意的一家” ( ) █
█ 引起了人们对《吉祥三宝》的追捧。 █
█ 这两者遇到一起会怎样? MMjoke推荐 █
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█ 敬请欣赏 █
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█ [mp3]无极版的吉祥三宝 █
█ ——by zjingle █◣
█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10331 ◥
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█ 话说Joke阵地向来是猪头当家, ╰ ╯ █
█ 不过某一天突然闯进了一坨熊, │ , , │ █
█ 他要干什么, ╲ ┴ ╱ █
█ 让我们看看熊的故事。 █
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█ [WMV]北极熊一家的故事 █
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█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbstcon.php?board=MMJoke&gid=10449 ◥
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█ 《东北人都是活雷锋》捧红了谁?雪村? ╱ ╲ ◣
█ 错!那是谁?当然是翠花。 │/////\\\│ █
█ 话说翠花自从出名之后再也不愿当服务员了, |│ , , │| █
█ 人家进了写字楼当起了白领, / ╲ ﹀ ╱ \ █
█ 让我们看看她的近况。 █
█ MMjoke推荐 ) █
█ [PIC]翠花办公室系列 (四) █
█ ——by AutumnIce █
█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10343 █
█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10344 █
█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10345 █
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█ 《保卫黄河》唱出了国人的气势, │ , , │ █
█ 请看mms重新演绎的…… ╲ ┴ ╱ █
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█ [RM]小哈春季最新力作---保卫黄河三重唱 (五) █
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█ ——by withinsea(zz from champagneS ) █
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█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=10692 █
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█ 更多精彩,敬请关注MMJoke ◥
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█ 姻缘 by shenok ◣
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█ 我宿舍的一个兄弟的故事 █
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█ 某次食堂吃饭,某mm打了一个迅雷不及掩耳盗铃的喷嚏,没来得及用手 █
█ 掩饰,整个饭桌天女散花普降甘霖。 然后mm羞愧难当的低下了头, █
█ 抬头以后,惊奇的发现桌子前所有的人都停箸不食,唯有正对面的gg吃 █
█ 得正香,好似mm的飞沫就是十三香。 █
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█ mm羞愧中一缕牵挂就暗暗系上了gg的心头。 █
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█ 后来,gg没能抵御倒追陷入爱河以后,两人谈到这个美好而尴尬的姻缘, █◣
█ mm问:你当时怎么能吃的那么香? ◥
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█ gg说:当时打了饭,刚走到那里,就看到一个gg端起饭盒离开, ◣
█ 对面一个mm低着头不知道干什么。我赶紧就坐下吃, █
█ 你知道食堂的座位多紧张。 █
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█ 麻辣烫 by orange2951 ◣
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█ 楼下街边有家麻辣烫 █
█ 味道不错,生意不错 █
█ 我常常光顾 █
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█ 昨日下班又忍不住去吃几串 █
█ 正吃着,听见后面有个陌生的男声:这玩意儿好吃么? █
█ 我吃着说:还不错,你可以尝尝。 █
█ 那人接着说:哦,那你快吃吧,吃完我再把它收了。 █
█ 我边纳闷(什么人怎么这么说话)边回头 呵呵, █
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█ 呵呵呵呵~ 原来是城管叔叔~ ◥
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█ 家有仙鸡 by roseven ◣
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█ 过年的时候有人给家里拎来一只鸡。一只土鸡,黄花儿的。本人假假的不 █
█ 忍杀之,所以劝服爸妈把它养着,好歹它三天下两个土鸡蛋,咱也天天有 █
█ 土鸡蛋吃啊。每天就珍珠米,莴笋叶的伺候着,吃的虽然算不上山珍海 █
█ 味,但至少也跟我的伙食待遇是一个标准的了。真是身在福中啊。 █
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█ 于是乎…… █
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█ 1,打电话 █
█ 某天我在客厅打电话,刚接,忽然我妈在厨房嚷嚷:说什么?听不清! █
█ 我忙放下电话,对我妈说:妈,我没有对你讲话。 █◣
█ 母:啊,我也没有对你讲话啊。我对小黄讲话! ◥
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█ 我内伤! █
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█ 2,唐伯虎 █
█ 这只傻鸟不知道为什么特别喜欢站在最高的地方,也不知道一只母鸡是 █
█ 怎么飞上去的。 █
█ 然后等你进去了之后,它就站在那最高处,直愣愣的看着你发呆。 █
█ 我常常想起周星驰站在箱子上面吟诗的那个情景。 █
█ 对,就是这个眼神。 █
█ 不过它只是站在上面低吟浅唱而已。 █
█ 我无语。 █◣
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█ 刚刚它又飞上高处,啊奇怪我为什么要说又,把我比较喜欢的一个装饰盘 █
█ 搞掉在地上,摔得四分五裂。 █
█ 我愤怒之极,一把把它抓下来,正欲处置—— █
█ 我妈忽然开口了:叫你不要飞高,你偏不听,这下闯祸了吧。看你哥不揍 █
█ 你才怪…… █
█ 你哥?我吐血…… █
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█ 家有仙鸡续 by roseven ◣
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█ 忽然想起来,昨天的事情。 █
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█ 这只鸡的饭量特别大,昨天早上11点我还在床上,迷迷糊糊听到我 █
█ 妈妈在后院骂:怎么这么能吃!每天除了吃就是睡觉,要不就是出去玩, █
█ 除了下蛋什么都不会!杀了你算了! █
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█ 我心里OS:妈你杀了我吧……我也是除了吃就是睡,要不就玩。 █
█ 可是我连下蛋都不会…… █
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█ 驾校趣闻 by pepi ◣
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█ 前几天上驾校,学交规的时候,老师讲解陡坡上行车的注意事项 █
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█ 并且给陡坡了一个数学定义: █
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█ 在城市道路,水平前进100米,高度增加4米的即为陡坡 █
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█ 为了方便笔记,我就写:angle>arctg(4/100) █
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█ 旁边的一个mm有些近视,看不清黑板上的图,就侧过来看我的笔记, █
█ 看了以后,晕了。。。 █◣
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█ 夫妻打架 by RTOS ◣
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█ A:哥们,你咋又被lp打了呢?哎呀,看你这脸上青一块紫一块的, █
█ 还出血了。 █
█ B:哎,我也没办法啊,你说我跟她讲道理吧,还讲不清楚,就动手了。 █
█ A:那你lp咋没事呢? █
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█ B:那我哪儿能动手呢,她不是没有公费医疗吗 ◥
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█ 灌水多的后果 by amikh ◣
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█ 一同学填毕业登记表时民族一栏赫然写着:汗 █
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█ 十年前的恶搞 by bluefog ◣
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█ 今天到图书馆借书,翻开一本粘性流体力学,查阅目录的时候,突然 █
█ 发现这么一行字:“如果你听过那个故事,并且想听结果,请看230页。”█
█ 本人好奇心很重,于是…… █
█ 哗哗哗翻到230页,结果看到在右上角空白处写道:“你不觉得这个 █
█ 地方太小,根本没办法写得下么,但238也还是够的。”我想这哥们儿倒 █
█ 是想得周到,想当年要是哥德巴赫找到一个地方大点儿的空白写下证明, █
█ 陈景润就不用那么辛苦了。于是…… █
█ 哗哗哗翻到238页,嗯,确实在页面下方有很大的空白,而且也有几 █
█ 个很大的字赫然出现在眼前,我默念:“都傻到这个地步了,还有什么 █
█ 话说! 95.4.1” █◣
█ 回车后,还有一行:“十年后……竟然还是这样” ◥
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█ 登山的尴尬 by hawkwolf ◣
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█ 前天进山进行野外生存训练,遭遇了进清华后最大的尴尬。一群人背着巨 █
█ 大的登山包(65L)艰难地爬山。突然旁边一个阿姨带着自己的小孩也在 █
█ 爬山,突然阿姨发话了,对他小孩语重心长地说:“好好学习,要不然 █
█ 你将来就像这些人一样背着这么重的东西爬山”。我们一听,觉得很不 █
█ 爽,我们攒了n久人品才有机会这样出来野营。于是我小心翼翼地和这个 █
█ 阿姨说:“姐姐,你搞错了,我们是清华的学生,出来上体育课的。” █
█ 阿姨愣了不到一秒钟,立刻反应过来了,对他小孩严肃地说: █
█ “不管到哪里都要好好学习,就是将来进了清华也一样。看这些大哥哥 █
█ 大姐姐就是进了大学不好好学习,被学校罚出来背包登山训练的!” █
█ 我听了差点从山上一头栽下来。 █◣
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█ 同学vs笨贼 by wllx ◣
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█ 同学是个mm,前几天她的妹妹把手机弄丢了,着急得没办法告诉了她, █
█ 我同学相当镇静,拿出手机给那个贼开始聊天了: █
█ mm:妹,妈要给你寄五千块钱,你把建行卡号告诉我吧! █
█ 贼很快回了短信,213!◎#¥!◎%¥。。。。 █
█ mm:不对吧!我记得好像不是这个吧!? █
█ 贼:这是我新办得卡,我在外面,你把钱先打到这个卡上吧! █
█ mm:哦!好吧!不过好像需要你的身份证号码才能确认,你把身份证号码 █
█ 发过来吧! █
█ 过了一会儿。。。 █
█ 贼:3245235&*$^&%&%^&.... █◣
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█ mm:咦?怎么只有15位?应该有十八位啊?! █
█ 你认真点儿行不行?要不然我不让妈给你寄钱了啊!! █
█ 贼很快回复了:刚才打错了,身份证号码是23456546¥%……#¥……¥ █
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█ mm:好的!你乖乖等警察叔叔来抓你吧! █
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█ 同学把身份证号码送到海淀公安局,下午就拿到了手机。。。 █
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█ 江汉的故事:抗议 by Jianghan ◣
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█ 那一年老米炸我们的大使馆,正好江汉在校外办事, █
█ 未得消息。办完事,江汉骑着车沿主干道悠闲的往宿舍去, █
█ 渐觉气氛不对。到了十饭堂的路口,瞧见许多大车,许多 █
█ 人,乱哄哄的。江汉凑到一辆车旁,问车里一个纯纯的 █
█ 学弟: █
█ “同学!出啥事了?” █
█ “你还不知道么?!我们在南联盟的大使馆被美国人 █
█ 炸了!”学弟投来愤怒而鄙夷的目光. █
█ 江汉一惊,为自己的消息闭塞感到羞愧,赶紧问: █
█ “那你们这是要去哪?” █◣
█ “我们要去美国大使馆抗议!给他们点颜色看看!” ◥
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█ “好啊!。。。嗯,你旁边那个袋子里是抗议的传单 ◣
█ 吧。给我一些,我也想去。”江汉的脑袋开始发热,仿佛 █
█ 又回到了热血年代。 █
█ “那个?那个不是,那是我自己的材料。” █
█ “???”江汉觉得跟不上年轻人的思维了。 █
█ “是出国的材料,我去抗议时,顺便把签证办一下。” █
█ 。。。江汉眼前一黑,晕了过去。 █
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█ “棍同学?”(原创) by ruoli ◣
█ █
█ 今天听一个同事讲的,觉得挺有意思,写出来大家瞅瞅。 █
█ █
█ 她有一个大学女同学,姓穆名坤。 █
█ 有一次上大课她逃课了,让同学代她签到。签到的时候,该同学忽然说 █
█ 什么也想不起“穆坤”两字怎么写了,老师就在一边,也不能琢磨太长 █
█ 时间啊。于是伊大笔一挥,写下“木昆”两字。 █
█ █
█ 过了一会儿,老师点名,叫到这个名字的时候犹豫了一下: █
█ “棍同学?” █
█ 全场哗然。 █◣
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█ 燃烧吧,火鸟! (x) by hotchick ◣
█ █
█ 今天去哥们家蹭饭。 █
█ 所谓的蹭饭,其实我也作了一个菜。很简单的一个菜,辣子鸡丁。 █
█ 辣椒是超市里刚买的,又新鲜,又好闻。刚刚掰开,房间里就充满了开胃 █
█ 的味道...真香啊. █
█ 想象着辣子鸡丁的样子,不禁食指大动... █
█ █
█ 不爽...尿急...厕所先... █
█ █
█ 本人是男生,也不是什么高手。所以,扶一下校正一下落点还是必要的...█
█ 只是忽略了一件事情,手刚刚掰过辣椒的... █◣
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█ 燃烧吧!火鸟!... ◣
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█ ~~~>_<~~~ █
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█ 最后洗了个凉水澡才止住 █
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█ 教训啊...与家庭妇男共勉 █
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█ 本id纯属巧合 █
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█ 命运掌握在自己手中 by storman ◣
█ █
█ 最近在许昌出差,不知道大家到过许昌没有,曾经是曹sir的大本营。 █
█ 某天闲逛路过护城河,沿着护城河走了很远,发现护城河边都是算命测字 █
█ 的先生,太太,小摊一个挨着一个,形成了百家争鸣,欣欣向荣的繁荣 █
█ 景象。快走到一座桥的时候,旁边有一厕所,墙上洋洋洒洒的写着几个 █
█ 个打字“不要相信那些算命的,命运掌握在自己手中!” █
█ █
█ 然后下面还有个签名,仔细一看,上书 █
█ █
█ “办证 13××××××××××” █
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█ 今天洗澡也遇到强人了 by tag ◣
█ █
█ 我洗澡爱唱点儿小歌曲,可是今天遇到一个人很大声地唱,似乎 █
█ 边上就没有其它人一样,他唱得太大声了,几乎影响了周围的人了。 █
█ 于是,我也开始唱,不唱太亏了。 █
█ █
█ 但是,我实在唱不到他那么大声,很小很小声的那种……居然, █
█ 那个哥们停住了,仔细听我唱。在我以为自己的歌声打动了他的时候, █
█ 哈哈,他居然大声跟我开始唱了。我郁闷……换一首歌……结果他又停 █
█ 了,然后又跟着我唱,我当时已经不行了!! █
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█ 他唱的声音太大了,把我的声音直接压下去了,而且他老走调。 ◣
█ 边上一个哥们看不过了,也跟着我唱,而且声音也挺大的,似乎想告诉 █
█ 那个哥们:世界上不只他一个人唱歌很大声!! █
█ █
█ 正巧,进来一个新人,听到我们三个人的大声高唱,直接呆了~~~~█
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█ 对了,我们唱的歌曲是《等你爱我》,现在想起来还有些寒!! █
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█ 写写本科时的植物分类学考试^^ by yunzhengxw ◣
█ █
█ 我们本科的时候,植物分类学是必修课。教这门课的是一位男老师, █
█ 严格而和蔼。 █
█ █
█ 在进行植物分类的时候,最容易分类的依据是植物的生殖器官 █
█ ——哦,说得有点玄乎,其实就是植物的花、果实和种子。因为许多同 █
█ 科的植物只依据营养器官——又玄乎了,就是根茎叶——是很难区分开 █
█ 的。 █
█ █
█ 第一堂课,老师用他那特有的抑扬顿挫又慢条斯理的声音告诉我们: █
█ “这门课最后考试形式就是认植物。范围就是我们校园中的植物。并且 █◣
█ 是有花有果的。没花没果的大家就可以不用认了。”这句话顿时被大家 ◥
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█ 奉为圣旨。后来听说,比我们高两级的师兄师姐们毕业时做了一件纪念 ◣
█ T恤,背后赫然写着一行大字: █
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█ “没花没果的不认!” █
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█ 到了考试的时候,我们班的同学们每天都要抽个把小时在学校里转 █
█ 悠转悠。看见什么新鲜的不认识的植物就采回来,大家一起查分类表。 █
█ 还查不出来只好去问老师。这时大家才深切的体会到了老师到底有多牛。 █
█ 所有的植物标本,不管是如何蔫不啦叽缺花少叶梅没果实的,老师总是 █
█ 优哉游哉的瞟上一眼,马上准确无误的说出是哪一科哪一属哪一种。 █◣
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█ 然后,在你手忙脚乱翻植物志的当口,他还继续用他那永远平静温和的 ◣
█ 语调告诉你,这种植物还有哪些哪些特点,主要产于何地,需要什么样 █
█ 的生态条件,什么部分能入药什么部分能吃,等等…… █
█ 这真的是一种虐待,嗯。 █
█ █
█ 有同学在被老师这样虐了若干次之后终于“怒”了,于是精心策划 █
█ 了一场阴谋。这位同学不知上哪儿采了一根“杆子”,注意我说的是 █
█ “杆子”,因为那杆子上原有的叶、花、果实全部被他给摘掉了—— █
█ 甚至,“杆子”的表皮都被他彻头彻尾的剥干净了——他就拿着这样的 █
█ 一根“光杆司令”大摇大摆的去找老师求教。我当时不在场,据说,老 █
█ 师还是那样悠悠的瞟了一眼,马上准确无误的说出了哪一科哪一属哪一 █
█ 种,然后,还是那样平静温和的继续介绍着这种植物的形态特点、产地、 █◣
█ 生态环境、经济价值,等等…… ◥
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█ 于是大家终于明白,跟老师斗,是没有什么好下场的。临考前的几 ◣
█ 天,大家依旧每天都在校园的各处认植物,所不同的是,凡是发现自己 █
█ 不认识的植物(当然我们基本知识还是过硬的,这样的时候并不太多) █
█ 不再查植物志和分类表了。因为,查了还会忘的。再者,一个人认识了, █
█ 也不等于全班同学都认识。为造福全班同学计,唯一的解决办法是: █
█ █
█ 把这棵“奇怪植物”的所有的花和果实摘光。 █
█ █
█ 这样,根据老师第一堂课上的要求,老师就没办法采到合适的能够 █
█ 作为考题的标本了…… █
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█ 最后,不出大家所料,出现在考场上的植物都是最最常见的…… █◣
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█ 后来老师带我们出野外,依旧是认植物。当然这次范围大的多。他 ◣
█ 还是让大家自己采标本,排着队问他问题。当七八十人每人手中的上百 █
█ 种标本全部被他一一指认后,我们亲爱的老师伸了个懒腰,慢悠悠的说 █
█ 了一句话: █
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█ “真不过瘾呀。” █
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█ 一次野外考察途中,我偶然想起家乡的一种植物似乎与途中见到的 █
█ 一种植物颇像。于是跟老师大致描述了两句。描述必然是很粗略的。就 █
█ 类似于“长得很像XX,就是大上几倍。”。这样子的。而且老师一直说 █
█ 自己只是精通华北地区的植物,南方的植物就很多不认识。而我家正是 █
█ 在南方。再一次出乎我的意料之外,老师不仅明白了我说的是什么,而 █◣
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█ 且准确的说出了我家乡的方言里这种植物的叫法……要知道我的方言对 ◣
█ 于全国99.9%的人来说都是鸟语级别的。老师的博识广闻可见一斑。 █
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█ 离开母校很久了,想起这位老师依然敬仰不已。特此作文以记之。 █
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█ Re: 牙疼记录生活中发生的笑话zz by Eyesome ◣
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█ 牙疼喜欢吃鱼 沃尔玛的鲈鱼9块一斤 █
█ 要是死了放冰上的就7块两条 一样新鲜 █
█ 牙疼下班 就去买 经常被人买走 █
█ 牙疼就站鱼缸前等啊 有时候好半天都不死一条 █
█ 牙疼就用网进去捞 用把手敲鱼的头 █
█ 服务员实在看不下去了 过来跟牙疼说 █
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█ 先生 昏过去的不算 █
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█ 老板说。。找个女朋友吧。。。。我抓狂啊。。by tdc zz by yycdchz ◣
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█ 唉,痛苦的一天。。。。 █
█ 今天上午,觉得研究小有进展,兴冲冲的扛着笔记本找老板讨论 █
█ 讨论。本来讨论的还顺利的。然后。。。 █
█ 有一个计算结果需要打开视频,我一点。。。RealPlayer标题上 █
█ 出现: !@$#$$。。一身冷汗啊。。。现在只能寄希望以老板没注意 █
█ 了。。。呜呜。。。 █
█ 讨论结束,走人。就在我准备把门关上的时候,老板说:“找个 █
█ 女朋友吧。”啊…… █
█ 可恶的realplayer,可恶的纪录。。。。 █
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█ 看完啦!投票吧!!投票按V ◣◥████◣
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Sender: missed and start again, area: Joke
Title: Show Up Monthly
Sending site: Shuimu Community Wed Apr 12 12:25:20 2006 , within the site
Press the space bar continuously to read
ascii by Joke art team
Marriage, driving school anecdotes, the embarrassment of mountain climbing
Malatang Couple Fighting Classmates vs. Stupid Thief
There is a fairy chicken in the house. The consequences of too much water. The story of Jiang Han. Protests
The Fairy Chicken at Home continues the spoof from ten years ago
Stick classmate original
Burn it Firebird x , ,
Destiny is in your own hands 00
I also met a strong man in the shower today.
Write about the plant taxonomy exam as an undergraduate ^^ Table of Contents
Re: Toothache records the jokes that happen in lifezz
The boss said, find a girlfriend, I’m going crazy
What's popular recently
Of course it's those mountains,,
In fact, everyone has a mountain of some kind in their heart 00
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People can't be so shameless
Brother Kai's words triggered another climax of Wuji
Spring evening, a happy family
It has aroused people's pursuit of the three auspicious treasures.
What will happen if these two meet together? Recommended by MMjoke
two
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[mp3] Promise version of the three auspicious treasures
by zjingle
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It is said that the Joke position has always been dominated by pig heads.
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what is he going to do
Let's look at the bear's story
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Wrong, who is that? Of course it’s Cuihua.
It is said that Cuihua no longer wants to be a waiter after becoming famous.
He entered an office building and became a white-collar worker.
Let's see how she's doing
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Defending the Yellow River sang out the momentum of the Chinese people, ,
Please watch mms re-interpretation
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marriage by shenok
The story of a brother in my dormitory
While eating in the cafeteria, a girl sneezed so fast that she didn't even have time to use her hands.
To cover up, the goddess scattered flowers and rain fell on the entire dining table, and then mm lowered her head in shame.
When I looked up, I was surprised to find that everyone in front of the table had stopped eating. Only GG who was directly opposite was eating.
De Zheng Xiang, the droplets that look like mm are Thirteen Fragrances
A ray of concern in mm's shame secretly touched gg's heart
Later, after gg failed to resist the temptation and fell in love, the two talked about this beautiful but embarrassing marriage.
mm asked how you could eat so deliciously at that time
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gg said that I had lunch at that time. As soon as I walked there, I saw a gg pick up the lunch box and leave.
The girl opposite me lowered her head and didn’t know what she was doing. I quickly sat down to eat.
Do you know how tight the seats in the cafeteria are?
Malatang by orange2951
There is a Malatang restaurant on the street downstairs
Tastes good and business is good
I often visit
I couldn't help but eat a few skewers after get off work yesterday
While I was eating, I heard a strange male voice behind me. Is this delicious?
I ate it and said it's not bad. You can try it.
The man then said, "Oh, then eat it quickly. I will put it away after you finish it."
I was wondering why someone could talk like that and turned around, haha
Hahahaha, it turns out to be the urban management uncle
There is a fairy chicken at home by roseven
During the Chinese New Year, someone brought a chicken to the house, a native chicken with yellow flowers. I am not fake.
The reason why I persuaded my parents to keep it is that it lays two free-range eggs every three days. We also have them every day.
I eat local eggs. I serve them with pearl rice and lettuce leaves every day. Although the food I eat is not a delicacy.
Tasty, but at least the food and treatment are on par with mine. I’m really blessed.
Ever since
1 call
One day I was on the phone in the living room and just answered the call. Suddenly my mother was yelling in the kitchen. I couldn't hear what she was saying.
I quickly put down the phone and said to my mother, Mom, I didn’t speak to you.
Mother, I didn’t talk to you either. I talked to Xiao Huang.
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I
Mother, oh, it said it was about to lay eggs. Oh, you are so good. It will lay eggs for you to eat.
I'm injured internally
2 Tang Bohu
This silly bird doesn't know why it likes to stand on the highest place, and it doesn't know that a hen is
How did you fly up there?
Then after you enter, it will stand at the highest point, staring at you in a daze.
I often think of the scene where Stephen Chow stood on top of the box and recited poetry
Yes, that's the look
But it just stood on it and sang softly
I'm speechless
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3 It would be weird if your brother didn’t beat you up
Just now it flew up high again. Oh wonder why I said that I put my favorite decorative plate again.
Dropped it on the ground and broke into pieces
I was so angry that I grabbed it and was about to dispose of it.
My mother suddenly spoke, telling you not to fly high, but you didn’t listen. Now you are in trouble. Let’s see if your brother doesn’t beat me.
You are the weird one
Your brother, I vomit blood
The Fairy Chicken at Home continues by roseven
Suddenly I remembered what happened yesterday
This chicken eats a lot. Yesterday at 11 o'clock in the morning, I was still in bed and heard me in a daze.
My mother was scolding me in the backyard: How can I eat so much? I only eat every day, sleep or go out to play.
You can't do anything except lay eggs. I'll kill you.
OS in my heart: Mom, please kill me. I also only eat, sleep or play.
But I can’t even lay eggs
Interesting facts about driving school by pepi
A few days ago, when I went to a driving school to learn traffic rules, the teacher explained the precautions for driving on steep slopes.
And gave a mathematical definition to steep slope
On urban roads, if you advance 100 meters horizontally and the height increases by 4 meters, it is a steep slope.
For the convenience of taking notes, I will write angle>arctg 4 100
The girl next to me was a little short-sighted and couldn't see the pictures on the blackboard clearly, so she turned sideways and looked at my notes.
I felt dizzy after watching it
Couple fighting by RTOS
A: Dude, why did you get beaten up again? Oops, look at your face, which is bruised and bruised.
Still bleeding
B: Hey, there's nothing I can do about it. You said I should reason with her, but I still can't explain it clearly, so I took action.
A: Then why is your lp okay?
B: Then where can I take action? Doesn’t she have no public medical care?
The consequences of too much water by amikh
When a classmate filled out the graduation registration form, the nationality column clearly stated "Khan"
A spoof from ten years ago by bluefog
I borrowed books from the library today and opened a book on Viscous Fluid Dynamics. When I was checking the catalog, suddenly
I found such a line. If you have heard that story and want to hear the result, please read page 230.
I am very curious, so
Hua Hua Hua turned to page 230 and saw in the blank space in the upper right corner: Don’t you think this is written?
The space is too small to be able to write at all. But 238 is still enough. I think this guy is fine.
It was a thoughtful thought. I thought back then if Goldbach had found a larger blank space to write down the proof.
Chen Jingrun doesn’t have to work so hard. So
Huh-huh-huh, I turned to page 238. Well, there is indeed a big blank space at the bottom of the page, and there are also a few
A big word suddenly appeared in front of me. I muttered silently. I am so stupid. What else?
Talk 95.4.1
After entering, there is another line. Ten years later, it is still like this.
The Embarrassment of Mountaineering by hawkwolf
The day before yesterday, I went into the mountains for wilderness survival training and encountered the biggest embarrassment since entering Tsinghua University. A group of people carried huge bags on their backs.
Large mountaineering bag 65L. I was climbing the mountain with difficulty. Suddenly, an aunt next to me came with her child.
Climbing a mountain, suddenly my aunt spoke and said to her child earnestly, study hard or else
In the future, you will be like these people carrying such heavy things to climb mountains. When we heard this, we felt very uncomfortable.
It was cool. We had saved up our character for a long time before we had the opportunity to go camping like this. So I carefully talked to this person.
The aunt said, sister, you are mistaken. We are students from Tsinghua University and come to take physical education classes.
The aunt was stunned for less than a second and immediately reacted and said seriously to the child.
No matter where you go, you must study hard, even if you enter Tsinghua University in the future. Look at these big brothers.
The eldest sister didn’t study hard when she entered college, so she was sent out by the school to train for backpacking and mountain climbing.
I almost fell down from the mountain after hearing this
Classmate vs Stupid Thief by wllx
My classmate is a girl. Her sister lost her cell phone a few days ago. I was too anxious to tell her.
My classmate was quite calm. He took out his cell phone and started chatting with the thief.
mm sister, mom wants to send you 5,000 yuan. Please tell me your CCB card number.
The thief quickly responded to the text message 213
mm No, isn’t it? I don’t remember it being this.
Thief, this is my new card. I'm outside. Please transfer money to this card first.
mm Oh, okay, but it seems I need your ID number to confirm. Please give me your ID number.
send it
after awhile
Thief 3245235&*$^&%&%^&....
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mm: Hey, why are there only 15 people? There should be 18 people.
Can you be more serious, or else I won’t let mom send you money?
The thief replied quickly. I made a mistake just now. The ID number is 23456546.
mm Okay, just wait for the police to arrest you.
The classmate sent the ID number to the Haidian Public Security Bureau and got the mobile phone in the afternoon.
Jianghan’s Story Protest by Jianghan
That year, Lao Mi bombed our embassy. Jiang Han happened to be working outside the school.
After finishing his work without any news, Jiang Han rode his bike leisurely along the main road to the dormitory.
Gradually I felt something was wrong. When I arrived at the intersection of Ten Dining Hall, I saw many large cars.
People were noisy. Jiang Han came to a car and asked an innocent person in the car.
Junior
Classmate, what happened?
Don’t you know yet that our embassy in Yugoslavia was occupied by Americans?
Exploded. The junior classmate cast an angry and contemptuous look.
Jiang Han was shocked and felt ashamed that he had no information. He quickly asked
Then where are you going?
We are going to the US Embassy to protest and give them some color.
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Okay, well, in the bag next to you are protest flyers.
Come on, give me some. I want to go too. Jiang Han’s head started to heat up, as if
Back to the hot-blooded era
That, that is not, that is my own material
Jiang Han felt that he could no longer keep up with the thinking of young people.
These are the documents needed to go abroad. When I go to protest, I can apply for a visa by the way.
Jiang Han's eyes darkened and he fainted.
Stick classmates original by ruoli
I heard what a colleague said today and I thought it was quite interesting. I will write it down for everyone to take a look at.
She has a female classmate in college named Mu Mingkun
One time she skipped a big class and asked a classmate to sign in for her. While signing in, the classmate suddenly said
I can't remember anything. How did you write the word Mu Kun? The teacher is just aside. I can't think about it for too long.
It's time. So Yi wrote the word "Mukun" with a stroke of her pen.
After a while, the teacher called the roll call. When the name was called, he hesitated.
stick classmate
The whole place was in an uproar
Burn Firebird x by hotchick
I went to my buddy’s house for dinner today
The so-called fried rice, actually I also made a dish, a very simple dish, spicy chicken cubes
The chili peppers were just bought from the supermarket. They are fresh and smell good. As soon as they are broken open, the room is full of appetizers.
The smell...is so fragrant.
I can't help but move my fingers when I imagine the spicy chicken...
Unhappy... Urgent need to urinate... Toilet first...
I am a boy and not an expert, so it is necessary to give me some support to correct the landing point...
I just overlooked one thing. My hand just broke off the pepper...
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Burn it, Firebird...
><
Finally, I took a cold bath to stop.
Lessons learned...to share with housewives and men
This ID is purely coincidental
Destiny is in your own hands by storman
I was on a business trip in Xuchang recently. I don’t know if you have been to Xuchang. It used to be Sir Cao’s base camp.
One day I was strolling by the moat. I walked along the moat for a long time and found that there were fortune tellers and fortune tellers along the moat.
The Mr. and Mrs. stalls are one after another, forming a hundred schools of thought and thriving prosperity.
Scene: When we were about to reach a bridge, there was a toilet next to it. There were a few words written on the wall.
Don't believe those fortune tellers. Your destiny is in your own hands.
Then there is a signature below. Take a closer look at the letter.
Apply for certificate 13
I also met a strong man in the shower today by tag
I like to sing little songs in the shower, but today I met someone who sang very loudly.
There was no one else around him. He sang so loudly that it almost affected the people around him.
So I started singing too. It would be a shame not to sing.
But I really can't sing as loudly as he does, very quietly.
That guy stopped and listened carefully to my singing. Just when I thought my singing had impressed him.
Haha, he actually started singing to me loudly. I was depressed and changed the song, but he stopped again.
Then he sang along with me. I couldn't do it at that time.
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He sang so loudly that he drowned out my voice, and he was always off-key.
A buddy next to me couldn't stand it, so he sang along with me, and his voice was quite loud, as if he wanted to tell me
That guy, he's not the only one in the world who sings very loudly.
By chance, a new guy came in and he was stunned when he heard the three of us singing loudly.
By the way, the song we sang is Waiting for You to Love Me. It’s still a little chilly to think about it now.
Writing about the plant taxonomy exam during my undergraduate studies^^ by yunzhengxw
When we were undergraduates, plant taxonomy was a compulsory course, and the course was taught by a male teacher.
Strict yet kind
When classifying plants, the easiest classification is based on the reproductive organs of plants.
Oh, it sounds a bit mysterious. In fact, they are the flowers, fruits and seeds of plants, because many of them are the same.
The plants of this family are only based on vegetative organs, which is very mysterious. It is difficult to distinguish the roots, stems and leaves.
of
In the first class, the teacher told us in his unique cadence and slow voice.
The final exam format of this course is to identify plants. The scope is the plants on our campus and
There are flowers and fruits. You don’t need to recognize those without flowers or fruits. This sentence was immediately recognized by everyone.
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It was regarded as an imperial edict. Later I heard that the brothers and sisters who were two grades above us made a commemoration when they graduated.
There is a line of big words written on the back of the T-shirt.
Those who don’t have flowers or fruits don’t recognize it.
When it’s time for the exam, the students in our class have to spend several hours every day walking around the school
Wandering around, I picked up any new and unfamiliar plants I saw and looked up the classification table together.
Still unable to find out, we had to ask the teacher. Only then did everyone realize how awesome the teacher was.
All plant specimens, no matter how wilted they are, lacking flowers, leaves and fruits, the teacher always
He glanced at it leisurely and immediately said accurately which family it belonged to and which species it belonged to.
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Then, while you were busy flipping through the flora, he continued to use his ever calm and gentle words.
The tone of voice tells you what other characteristics this plant has, where it is mainly grown, and what it needs.
ecological conditions, which parts can be used as medicine, which parts can be eaten, etc.
This is really abuse eh
Some students finally became angry after being abused by the teacher several times, so they planned carefully
There was a conspiracy. This classmate picked a pole from somewhere. Note what I said.
Pole, because he had picked off all the original leaves, flowers, and fruits on the pole.
Even the skin of the pole was completely peeled off by him. He held it like this
A polished commander arrogantly went to the teacher for advice. I was not there at the time. It is said that the old man
The teacher still glanced at it leisurely and immediately said exactly which subject and which category it belonged to.
After that, he continued to introduce the morphological characteristics and origin of this plant in a calm and gentle manner.
Ecological environment, economic value, etc.
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So everyone finally understood that fighting with the teacher would not end well. A few days before the exam
Today, everyone still recognizes plants everywhere on campus every day. The difference is that when they find themselves
Unknown plants. Of course, our basic knowledge is still very good. There are not many times like this.
I no longer look up flora and taxonomy lists because I will forget them if I look them up. Besides, I know someone.
It does not mean that the whole class knows each other. The only solution is to benefit the whole class.
Pluck all the flowers and fruits from this strange plant
In this way, according to the teacher's requirements in the first class, the teacher will not be able to choose the appropriate ones.
As a sample for exam questions
Finally, as everyone expected, the plants that appeared in the examination room were the most common.
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Later, the teacher took us out into the wild. We were still identifying plants. Of course, this time the scope was much larger.
Let everyone collect their own specimens and line up to ask him questions. When seventy or eighty people each hold hundreds of
After he identified all the specimens one by one, our dear teacher stretched himself and said slowly
a word
It’s really not satisfying
During a field trip, I accidentally remembered that a plant in my hometown seemed to be similar to the one I saw on the way.
A plant looked quite similar, so I briefly described it to the teacher. The description must be very rough.
It looks similar to XX, but several times bigger. It looks like this. And the teacher keeps saying
I am only proficient in plants in North China, but I don’t know many plants in the South. My family is
In the South, to my surprise once again, the teacher not only understood what I was talking about, but
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And accurately said the name of this plant in the dialect of my hometown. You must know that my dialect is correct.
For 99.9% of the people in the country, it is at the level of bird singing. The teacher’s extensive knowledge is evident.
It’s been a long time since I left my alma mater. I still admire this teacher when I think of it. I write this essay to remember it.
Re: Toothache records the jokes that happen in lifezz by Eyesome
I have a toothache and like to eat fish. The sea bass from Walmart is 9 yuan a pound.
If it's dead and served on ice, it's only 7 yuan for two. It's just as fresh.
I have a toothache and I go shopping after get off work. People often buy it.
If you have a toothache, just stand in front of the fish tank and wait. Sometimes not a single fish dies for a long time.
If you have a toothache, go in with a net and knock the fish on the head with your handle.
The waiter couldn't stand it anymore, so he came over and complained about the toothache.
Sir, those who fainted are not counted.
The boss said, find a girlfriend, I’m going crazy by tdc zz by yycdchz
Oh, what a painful day
This morning I felt I had made some progress in my research, so I excitedly took my notebook to discuss with my boss.
The discussion originally went smoothly, but then
There is a calculation result that needs to be opened on the video I click on the RealPlayer title
Showed up !@$#$$ in a cold sweat. Now I can only hope that the boss didn’t notice.
Wow woo woo
The discussion was over and I was leaving. Just when I was about to close the door, the boss said, find someone.
Girlfriend, ah
Damn realplayer Damn record
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