Sender: cu0 Goodbye means never seeing you again, message area: Joke Title: April issue to be titled Sending site: Shuimu Community Thu May 26 14:54:54 2011 , within the site Tender for naming rights of this monthly magazine If interested, please contact cu0 >>Programmers enter...connect monthly It is said that a Russian agent narrowly escaped death and stole the last bit of the source code of NASA's space rocket launch program. Page code is 01 >>Me and mm..........gs02 Monthly I manage mm essays. I usually don’t speak much. One day, when talking about probability, mm started a long speech. I was too lazy to pay attention to her, so I just said You don't understand math at all So mm was speechless and her expression was very depressed. This afternoon, I rode my bike with my sister back from the Sixth Education. On the way, I went downhill and overtook numerous cars. My sister started her again. The theory is that inertia is proportional to mass. We are two people, so we run fast. I am too lazy to explain to her. To release friction, everything is proportional to gravity. Let’s just say You don't understand physics at all mm is speechless and continues to be depressed It’s been a long time 02 mm said Monthly You don't understand women at all Don't understand women at all Don't understand women woman 03 Monthly >>Why breed chickens.......kittieyfy Yesterday I went to my son's aunt's house. The aunt's house is on the first floor. There is a yard in front of it, especially for Xiao Yuan. I bought a dozen chicks for him to play with. Not long after, one of the chicks died in the afternoon. When my son saw that it was motionless, he felt very pitiful and said to himself how pitiful it was that it was dead. The aunt said, then you can bury it in the yard. So I gave him a small hoe and asked him to dig a hole in the land and then put the chickens in the hole himself. And filled it with soil, and poured some water at the request of my son. After he finished, he asked with confusion, why do we need to breed chickens? 04 Monthly >>Zheshouzz.......Original author Erg It was a friend’s birthday. I took my youngest son to attend. After dinner, we all went to karaoke. My youngest son volunteered. I have to sing for the protagonist, applause is everywhere. I sing a song to shorten my life for my uncle, and everyone is in an uproar. I turn around. Look at the screen and pray 05 Monthly >>Alertzz..........Aimo The leader went to the agency to inspect the work and found that no one was inside. After taking a closer look, I found four employees secretly playing poker inside. In order to teach these people a lesson, the leader sounded the anti-theft alarm of the agency. But a few people continued to play poker, indifferent. At this time, the bartender across the street hurried over and brought 4 bottles of beer. 06 Monthly >>Text someone close to you...williams07 Little D is four or five years old. He is in kindergarten and learning to write. Dad D bought a Magotan. He just drove it back and parked it at the door. The neighbors praised it as a good car. Later, little D used a stone to drive it. Zi wrote two words on the car: Good car You can't afford to hurt the child who is learning to write. 07 Monthly >>The sandstorm is coming...czqs2000 On the 16th floor, looking at the sandstorm in the north, a mm suddenly called out, "Big Brother, what's wrong, Master?" Fu was taken away, and his luggage and horse were also missing. 08 Monthly >>The real thing I saw on the subway...forz In the subway, Male A and Female B got into an argument because of a slight collision. They stopped at one stop and Female B got off the train. Just now After getting off the car, he hesitated, rushed up and waved, gave A a slap in the face, then turned around and ran away. A group of people came and pushed B back. Before he could get out of the car, A rushed up and kicked B. After fighting back, they started fighting and yelling at each other. Then they passed the N station and still didn’t stop. Then suddenly a strong man stood up and yelled, "Stop fucking me, cao, I'll watch you all fight." Passed the station 09 Monthly >>Take advantage of the excitement to tell anecdotes about the subway...honli 1. Colleague A is tall and fat, with a tonnage of 0.12. One time, he was at a certain station on the Batong Line. There were a lot of people. He was at the door again. At this time, the car door opened, and a girl wanted to rush in, so she took a step back and slammed in hard. The result was It's a tragedy. My fat colleague bounced me back. 2. One time, colleague B took the subway and it was raining. When he got off the train, a girl pulled her umbrella onto the train and walked for two days. Bu just remembered that my colleague shouted and saw that the car door was about to close, so he enthusiastically threw the umbrella outside the door. A messy scene happened. The girl had already jumped into the car from another door. 10 >>There is joke at home.......lilyecho monthly magazine Both of them were immigrants from Beijing. They went out to study since high school. They left their hometown and lived a difficult life in the capital. They often suffered from problems. I am homesick and full of melancholy lp. We will have a child in the future and we must not let him stay away from us. The Sunflower Kindergarten in the kindergarten district, Baiziwan Elementary School and Middle School just down the street from the elementary school. Just go to the No. 17 Middle School next door. For university, go to the nearest Beijing University of Technology. LG continued quietly. After graduating from college, he worked in the property management department of our community. Our family works in the property management department. Finally someone is there lp came back from a business trip and saw that there was no light in the windows downstairs. He thought there was no one at home, so he went upstairs and committed suicide. I took the key and opened the door. When I came in, I found lg watching TV in the living room. lp Why are you too lazy to even turn on the light? It's so dark and gloomy. lg Shh, close the door quickly. You forgot that we didn’t pay the property fee. If I turn on the light, something will happen. Ye will find out that there is someone in our house and immediately block the door and ask for money. lg I found an SM song lp What? Where can I find such a song? lg CCTV music is there. There is a good girl in that far away place. I am 11 May she take a thin leather whip and keep gently beating me lg It’s so damn hard to negotiate business. Today I asked 8 girls to accompany me for drinks to get it done. The tip alone is enough. spent a fortune lp Flattery, how about you marry 8 more wives, one for each person at the table, and you can save a lot. Well lg Do you think I would be stupid enough to use a private car for public use? lp leave me alone and go away lg I feel aggrieved that you dislike me every day. I am so cute and charming. Even all the leaders of our unit Even the director said he likes me lp sneered and said he likes you. Go and ask the leader who said this if he would like to cook for you and accompany you. You sleep lg I can’t stand it anymore. This job is too tiring. I want to resign and go to the jungles of South America to live a primitive life. lp I totally agree. Me too. Let’s resign together. I also want to live a primitive life. How did primitive people live? LG means eating, sleeping and lying under the shade of a tree to surf the Internet every day without any worries. 12 Monthly >>Speaking of letting children talk about their balls, I think of the real joke I encountered...joejunker A neighbor who pays attention to early education, Dongbei Yin science teacher, teaches his 3-year-old son to speak English One time I happened to visit him and happened to meet him taking a child exam. What do dogs say? Big brother How do you say eggs? Second brother 13 >>The niece is too lazy...chenyufine monthly I tested her on math addition and subtraction If I give you one dollar to buy something worth 80 cents, how much should you ask me for? I thought for a few seconds and answered 2 cents I'll give you 1 yuan 5 to buy you something worth 1 yuan 2. How much should you ask me for? After thinking about it for a while, I answered 3 cents I give you 2 yuan to buy something worth 1 yuan, 3 cents and 5 cents. How much should you ask me for? I thought about it for a while and answered, I'll give it to you. I don't want any money. 14 MMJoke recommended monthly magazine [JPG]Where’s my phone number by:Jennyshaw http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 1 [JPG] Centenary Celebration Mascot Family Photo by:THUNB100 http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 2 [JPG]old Mark Zuckerberg’s decision by:ducker http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 3 [GIF] Pretending to be cool also requires creativity by:tesing http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 4 [JPG]Some animals by:mosy http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 5 [JPG]Which one is cuter? Civil Engineering major by:sunshinelife 15 http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 2 6 4 6 One of the recommendations of Little Black Room Monthly >>Serious mm can’t afford to be hurt...yutourr Yesterday, I went to Donglaishun Zhongguancun store with my classmates for dinner. After a while, my classmate's wife took the subway to Haidian Huangzhuang. Hurry. She arrived but couldn't find the way to the hotel. Her classmate said to her, go to the Jiangnan Fu themed restaurant in Sinosteel. Wait for me and I will pick you up. In order to determine the location more clearly, my classmate said that it is right in front of the word "Gang". Below, I'll pick you up there. So the classmate ran to Jiangnan Fu's house without seeing his wife. So I called, where are you? My classmate’s wife said it’s right under the steel character of Sinosteel. The classmate said, "I am also directly under the steel. I didn't see you." The classmate's wife emphasized that I am directly under the steel. Fang, look carefully. It turns out that the two people have been traveling in the parallel world for a long time without seeing each other. Finally, after searching for a long time, I finally figured it out. It turns out that the words Sinosteel are on the third floor. My classmate’s wife wanted to Strictly climbed to the second floor directly under the steel characters. 16 Black Room Recommendations February Monthly >>Lai Lai Original.......taugulua Don't hit me if you don't laugh I just saw someone saying that a certain 2b added 2b to the end of someone else’s ID and was later killed. I suddenly had a whim. What would happen if I registered smth2b? The result was that I couldn’t register. smthsb cannot be registered. sbsmth cannot be registered. Then I thought about it, should I bring smth? None of them can be registered in order to maintain the authority of the official ID. As a result, trying smthnb passed 17 . . . . . . . . Star . . . . . ゜ . ゜ 月亮 不明物体 我们数星星吧 就你那智商 还是数月亮吧 * 不明物体 o 专题 . . o 彪悍学姐VS小二师兄 ゜ . . 彪悍学姐VS小二师兄 原作者 maquefei@科苑星空 . . 学姐 亦是我的同学 工作后又回来读研 很知性很温和的样 ゜ . 子 但遇到二师兄经常会忍不住发飙 ゜ 师兄 学姐的本科同学 现博二 人很好 就是偶尔有点二 被我们戏称为二师 兄 以下是他们的PK 1 二师兄本 硕 博读了三个学校 他最喜欢向人家炫耀他的跨考经历 某天又 忍不住对某人blabla 一旁的学姐不耐烦了 轻飘飘滴说道 好女不事二夫 2 某晚回寝 天空难得的清明 二师兄忍不住琼瑶上身 星星月亮的说了一大串 后来激动的说 咱们数星星吧 学姐看了他眼说 你 这智商 还是数月亮比较靠谱 . . 3 某天我们几个人去二师兄宿舍蹭饭 学姐偶然瞄了眼 ゜ 阳台 发现了二师兄的内裤正高高飘扬 学姐扫了眼内 . a . 裤 看师兄 道 麻烦 把您的 鸟笼 收一下 4 学姐现在还是单身 二师兄会有意无意的提起剩女话题 刺激 一下学姐 其实他本人也是光棍一枚 日本地震 师兄说 要 . 是收留日本难民 一定要先收年轻漂亮的女孩 然后感叹要是这 . 样 那些中国剩女该怎么办 师姐淡定滴看了眼师兄 说 如果 ゜ . 日本女孩来了 我就在你脑门上贴五个字 立马让你摆脱单身 说 ゜ 完笑笑 师兄立马纠缠到 是哪五个字 学姐在屏幕上打了出来 我 看见word上赫然写道 欢迎日本人 5 去年二师兄过生日 中午去订蛋糕 师兄的意思是 订个小的意思一下就行了 学 姐喜欢吃甜点 想订个大的 师兄想省点钱坚持要订小的 学姐突然微笑着说 昨 晚我梦见一神仙 神仙跟我说 今天你订多少钱的蛋糕 就能活到多少岁 于是当 晚我们吃到了个两层滴鲜奶蛋糕 6 二月二那天 我 学姐和二师兄一起去某理发店理发 发廊小弟和二师兄胡侃 聊 着聊着 小弟问二师兄多大了 二师兄让人家猜 小弟忐忑的说 您有30了吧 二 师兄倍儿幽怨的说 我看起来有那么老吗 学姐看看二师兄 说 其实你不老 就是长的太着急了 . . 7 三八那天 女生们都有礼物外加半天假 二师兄又不 ゜ 平衡了 blabla的说不公平 为啥没有男人节 学姐估 . b . 计又被他给弄烦了 随口道 别着急 再过23天 你的 专属节日就到了 二师兄倒没生气 还是继续bla 学姐听他 磨叽了半天 终于忍不住又发飙 你一个大男人 和我们女生 . 争一个节 你对得起上帝多给你的那条腿吗 世界终于安静了 . ゜ . 8 好像是去年 大家一起去吃过桥米线 发现价格从8块涨到了10块 ゜ 二师兄问服务员怎么突然就涨价了 服务员冷着脸没理二师兄 学姐 看着尴尬的二师兄道 估计是把过桥费也算进去了 9 春天了 二师兄想买双鞋 在TB上左挑右选 最后看重一双皮鞋和一双运动鞋 纠 结着不知该选哪个 问学姐 学姐连看都没看 说 买内增高的 10二师兄真的很善良 宿舍楼下有几只野猫 二师兄时不常的会给猫们带些吃的 最 近一只猫咪怀孕了 大着肚子挺可怜的 二师兄不禁感叹道 无论男人还是公猫 都 得学会负责 无论女生还是母猫 都不能轻易和异性上床 11我们真的是创造一切机会想让二师兄把学姐给收了 昨晚一起吃饭 大家伙叽里呱 啦的撮合他们俩 可是学姐很坚持的说 兔子不吃窝边 . . 草 也不知道二师兄哪根筋不对 接口道 关键是草 太老 这下大伙都尴尬了 还是学姐淡定 道 灵芝 ゜ 草 不怕老 . c . 12其实我理解 二师兄也是被学姐的话给刺激了 如果学姐稍微 露点口风 他也不会郁闷的乱接话 一个同学问二师兄想找什么 . 样的 其实是想引着他 按照学姐的样子说标准 结果二师兄却 . 真的把自己的理想型给说出来了 blabla了好半天 同学很无奈 ゜ . 的看看二师兄又看看学姐 学姐也无奈了 打断了二师兄的话道 咱 ゜ 二师兄的标准其实就是 有容奶大能生娃 ......的90后 那一刻 我突然有点替学姐心酸 13貌似前天 看新闻中写日本要求把中国援助物资运到灾区 二师兄愤慨了 嚷道 日本真是垃圾中的战斗机 学姐立马表示赞同 嗯 不要脸中的VIP 14自上次被发廊小弟刺激到后 二师兄对自己外貌急于年龄这个问题非常郁闷 在TB 上搜各种抗衰老的男用护肤品 还向学姐征求意见 学姐上上下下的打量二师兄 说 那些估计都不管用 要不你吃俩小孩补补 15二师兄确实很悲催 我印象里 只要他一洗衣服必然下雨或下雪 就没碰见过几次 晴天 某天又碰见了这样的情况 二师兄欲哭无泪的唠 . . 叨自己命苦 学姐慢吞吞的说道 可能...你是...水 命吧 ゜ . d . 16去年十一 二师兄的第一任女朋友结婚了 二师兄在 校内上看见了人家的结婚照 整整两天没说话 学姐估计是动了 恻隐之心 主动找他说话 聊着聊着 学姐问道 新郎长的帅 . 吗 二师兄没好气的说 帅什么呀 一脸猥琐 学姐突然 . 就笑了 嗯 那他们俩挺般配的 ゜ . ゜ 17愚人节那天 二师兄干了件很俗 很怂的事 跟学姐表白 还是当 着大伙的面表白的 学姐淡定的说 不是愚人节的玩笑吧 如果你4月2号再说我肯 定答应你 然后就走了 团委活动 学姐代表研究生去参加 4月2号 二师兄又 表了一次 学姐很吃惊的看着他说 愚人节说的话你不是当真了吧 18正好某同学的生日就在清明假期 借着这个机会大伙又去腐败 同学很郑重的说 自己的生日愿望就是希望学姐和二师兄在一起 学姐笑呵呵的看着同学 又转向满是 期待的二师兄说 如果我30岁的时候还是光棍 额......二师兄你一定要给我介绍 男朋友 19我们一起去买水果 买的人多 老板有点晕 拿着计算器左算右算 二师兄心算能 力挺强的 习惯性的斜抬着脑袋皱着眉算 居然比老板 . . 算的还快 老板赞叹说 小伙子有两下子 咋算的这 么快呢 二师兄还没说话 学姐就接话说 难道是 ゜ 传说中的云计算 . e . 20二师兄其实是个特好的人 无论什么节日都会记得给大伙发祝 福短信 于是去年清明节的时候 我们每个人都收到了他的短信 . 内容是 清明节快乐 . ゜ . 21去食堂吃饭 二师兄很认真的给服务员说 给我来份蛋炒饭 多 ゜ 放点米饭多放点蛋 22去年学姐生日 二师兄给学姐的礼物是一盆仙人球 学姐说自己养啥死啥 二师兄 没事 我帮你养 不过你得给我个名分 学姐 啥名分 二师兄 你得让我做它 仙人球 干爸 然后不等学姐答应 就乐颠颠的看着仙人球说 瞧咱儿子长的多壮实 此后我们经常能看见二师兄摆弄那盆仙人球 于是每次看见他那样 我就不叫他二师 兄直接称他为球球爸 二师兄对这个称谓显然非常满意 我深刻的怀疑 如果他和学 姐真的在一起了 他们孩子的小名肯定会叫球球 虽然仙人球已经送了有半年多了 但还是二师兄在照顾 . . 有一次一个学长问二师兄 为啥他那么笃定这仙人球是 儿子 二师兄语塞 求助的看学姐 学姐啥都没说 随 ゜ 手拿起一个圣女果往仙人球上一扎 嗯 以后再也没人 . f . 在仙人球性别的问题上纠缠了 23有一阵子 二师兄迷上了轮滑 天天午饭 晚饭后装备整齐了 . 就去滑 可惜技术一直不太好 总是摔的很惨 于是学姐给二师 . 兄起了个新外号 曰 摔哥 ゜ . ゜ 24去年二师兄生日 吹完蜡烛 许完愿 大家正全力以赴对付那个双 层蛋糕 二师兄不知道怎么着 突然感叹道 人生三十古来稀啊 顿了顿 又道 贵的蛋糕就是好吃 25二师兄中午总是趴在桌子上睡觉 眼镜经常就放在旁边 一天醒来找不到了 迷迷 糊糊的对旁边的学姐说 你 打我手机 振我一下 眼镜怎么找不着了呢 26 某次学术会议 二师兄负责签到 忙了一天 回来就嚷嚷 坐台真是累人啊 作者的话 节选 感谢大家对二师兄的厚爱 我努力的搜罗着他们生活中 . . 的点滴 希望能把师兄和学姐的事记录下来 只是生活 不是电视剧 不是互相掐的两个人一定会相爱 很真诚 ゜ 的希望他们能在一起 额 我之所以一直写 也是希望 . g . 能给他们俩造成点舆论压力 月刊 本期编辑 Joke精选.......ap9 MMJoke推荐....msan 小黑屋推荐.....cu0 刷墙工.....crowyue Not collected so far The full amount of tender money is received for this period The monthly magazine will be named Untitled April issue