发信人: janger (黯然), 信区: Joke
标 题: Joke五月刊·猪价上涨的日子
发信站: 水木社区 (Sun Jun 10 23:56:10 2007), 站内
-= space =-
Joke五月刊 猪价上涨的日子
█◤█ ════════════════════════════╗
◢ ║
█ ╭──────╮ ║
█◤ ┌╮__╭┐ │别减啦~! │ ║
│ , , * ∠ 猪肉涨价啦..│ ║
█◤█ │(. (. │ ╰──────╯ ║
█ █ ╭ │ oo │ ╔╮____╭╗ ︳ ║
█ █ ╭│ │╮ ┃ _ _ ┃ ︳ ║
█◢█ ▁▁▁▁╰─────╯)) ┃ ,]__,] ┃ ︳ ║
╲└╯ ╰┘ ┃ (‥) ┃ ︳ ║
█ █  ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄╲_┃  ̄ ┃▁▁ ︳ ║
█◢◤ ┃ ______ ┃ ╲︳ ║
█◤◣ ┗╯ ╰┛ ︳ ║
█ █ ════════════════════════════╣
║
█◤█ █◢█ █◤█ █ █ SPACE ║
█◢ ▉▉█ █◢█ ◥◢◤ JOKE 5月刊 ║
█◤ ● ▉◤█ █◤█ █ ║
█◢█ ▉ █ █ █ █ ════════════════╝
█◤█ 目录
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█ -1 MMjoke五月刊推荐
█◤ 00 XiaoHeiWu五月刊推荐
06 有孩子的你们有过这种尴尬吗? clue
█◤█ 07 冷joke一则 violiny
█ █ 08 台湾教育很失败,七成大学生承认作弊 tazar
█ █ 09 L句考博 Chuckle
█◢█ 12 探望 Lov
13 乘电梯的笑话 juliethan
█ █ 15 平胸 jikhotel
█◢◤ 16 大家都见过些什么彪悍的司机? crowyue JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 17 游泳馆 smtj ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 18 公交车笑话 zz mech ┃ _ _ ┃
19 损招 liangyue ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 20 致伟大的土豆zz cornstalk ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 21 昨天去买TT(弱*) florian ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 22 今天亲眼目睹一个小男孩调戏他妈 litbiscuit ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 24 俺蹲小黑屋的经历——xhw宣传兼泄密帖 windin ┗╯ ╰┛
█◤█ ★ 标题: 欢乐尽享·声色俱全 MMjoke五月刊推荐
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ 一堆图片 By nighthawk
http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-4
█◤█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-5
█ █
█ █ 锅得缸 By jiayh
█◢█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-10
█ █ 睡觉高手 By jyh
█◢◤ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-14 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-15 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
某公安局宣传横幅 By biancr ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-18 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ [接下文] ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page -1
█◤█ ★ 标题: 欢乐尽享·声色俱全 MMjoke五月刊推荐
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ 临摹 X zz By Maugham
http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-20
█◤█
█ █ 人的一生 By zhaodc
█ █ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-11
█◢█
魔怔世界 By H5N1
█ █ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-1
█◢◤ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-2 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-22-5-3-3 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 00
█◤█ ★ 标题: “六一”专题:写小学生作文 XiaoHeiWu五月刊推荐
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 题目要求: by crowyue
█ █
█◢█
什么“我最崇敬的人”了, “第一次”了,“记一件小事”了
█ █
█◢◤ 字数不得超过300,必须时间地点人物俱全,写了病句的不及格 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 错别字不准超过5个犯x犯e的就地枪决 ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ [接下文] ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 01
█◤█ ★ 标题: [作文1]记一件小事 ★ id: yutourr
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 今天早上去上学,路上我看到一直蚂蚁。它前面有个米粒。
█ █ 蚂蚁使劲拖米粒,但是拖不动。我想他拖不动,应该就会走
█◢█ 了。但是,它却没有放qi,使劲的拖了一遍又一遍。有一次
他用力太大,一把没拉住米粒,一屁股跌坐在地上。虽然很
█ █ 疼,但是它没有退suo,勇敢的一遍又一遍的拖。转眼太阳下
█◢◤ 山了,我只有回家了,但是小蚂蚁还是在坚持拖米粒。我很 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 感动,小蚂蚁坚ren不拔的精神深深打动了我,我学到了书本 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 上学不到的知识。我要像蚂蚁学习,做一个不怕困难的人。 ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 02
█◤█ ★ 标题: [作文2]快乐的一天 ★ id: realsimple
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█ 今天是礼拜天,爸爸带我去动物园玩。天气特别好,万
█ █ 里无云。我们先去家门口等公交车,等了很久,车都没有来,
█ █ 我有一点着急,这时候我想起老师教导我们说,要有耐心,
█◢█ 于是就不急了。上了公交车,开的飞快,就到了动物园。爸
爸去买票,爸爸买的是全票,我买的是半票,一共花了20块
█ █ 五毛五。
█◢◤ JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 动物园里人好多,有男人, 女人,大人,小人,老人。有 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 的人长得特别高,有些人长得特别胖,还有一个姐姐,胸前 ┃ _ _ ┃
高高的鼓起来,不知道是不是生病了,有没有去看医生。就 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 这样看啊看,太阳下山了,爸爸带我回家了。 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 这真是快乐的一天啊。 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 03
█◤█ ★ 标题: [作文3]记一件小事 ★ id: ralfe
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 星期六得早晨,我陪小华和他的爸爸妈妈一起去扫墓。小华
█ █ 拿出一串鞭炮放了,我在旁边看着他笑。忽然,我背后的一
█◢█ 个脸很白的叔叔生气的喊:"别闹了,还让不让人睡觉了。"
我听了很惭愧,身为一个少先队员,我却在扫墓的时候干扰
█ █ 了别人的休息,我低下头,发现红领巾也不是那么红了。可
█◢◤ 是小华和他爸爸妈妈却好像都没有听见,继续有说有笑的。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 叔叔很生气,站起来跟在小华的身后跟他们一起回去了。我 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 觉得小华他们做的不对,就没有告诉他。我一定要痛心疾首 ┃ _ _ ┃
的吸取教训,以后争做一名合格的少先队员。 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 04
█◤█ ★ 标题: [作文4]第一次做错事 ★ id: ralfe
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█ 我叫小华,今年7岁。王老师和张大妈都说我是个乖孩子,但
█ █ 是我也做过错事,我很后悔。
█ █
█◢█ 上个月初五中午,我去河边抓pang xue,被加到了手,于是
就去小明家屋后树上套鸟窝。忽然看到他家隔壁的王叔叔正
█ █ 在和小明妈妈练摔跤,可能小明妈妈被摔疼了,一阵阵的叫
█◢◤ 得很大声。我看得入迷了,忘了报警。老师说过,男孩不能 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 欺负女孩。 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
我很后悔,我决定以后跟踪王叔叔,如果他再去欺负小明妈 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 妈的话,我一定要叫警察叔叔来抓他,关他小黑屋。 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 05
█◤█ ★ 标题: 有孩子的你们有过这种尴尬吗? ★ id: clue
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█ JOKE原创评选
█◤
今天中午我在电梯里遇上一家三口,小孩小学二年级,男。
█◤█
█ █ 对话如下:
█ █
█◢█ 父——你下午放学直接去奶奶家吃饭,我和你妈要在家洗衣
服。(瞧这谎编的,档次真低)
█ █
█◢◤ 子——哦,那你们快点。(看来有撞见的时候) JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 父——废话恁多呢你咋!(大概估计我听懂了,开始不好意思) ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 子——这星期我都在奶奶家吃了四顿了!! ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 我——撞墙中。。。 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 06
█◤█ ★ 标题: 冷joke一则 ★ id: violiny
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █
█ █ 昨天跟几个朋友一起吃饭,说道猪肉涨价,国家动用储备肉。
█◢█
A:储备肉是什么?冷藏了好几年的肉么?
█ █
█◢◤ B:据说还有储备猪。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ A:储备猪被杀时,是不是感慨而激动地说:'这么多年了, ┃ _ _ ┃
我还以为国家已经把我给忘了……' ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 07
█◤█ ★ 标题:台湾教育很失败,七成大学生承认作弊★ id: tazar
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █
█ █ 这本是台湾的bbs上的一新闻。
█◢█
大家都在感慨之余,一人跳出来说
█ █
█◢◤ mou啦,其实是七个成大的学生作弊被抓啦.... JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 08
█◤█ ★ 标题: L句考博 ★ id: Chuckle
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█ 呵呵,今天无聊,写点往事。可能不乐,不过,那谁
█ █ 不是说“发生过的事有无比的魅力”吗?
█ █
█◢█ L句是个人。(他的姓的第一个字母是L,这里简写
为L。)“句”实际上是他的外号。记得有一天他突然把
█ █ 所有人都称呼为“句”,什么“赵句”、“钱句”、“孙
█◢◤ 句”…… 大家开始都听得一头雾水,后来才知道有方言 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 把“猪”读成“句”,原来他是在骂人。鉴于当时猪还没 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 有像现在这么高的地位(听说现在有些mm撒娇把自己老 ┃ _ _ ┃
公或男朋友都称为“我家猪……”,发指呀...),我们这 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 些赵钱孙句们很生气,于是,大家开会一致通过了一个决 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 定——L句就成了他的外号。 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 09
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
L句想考P大的博士研究生(该校名字的第一个字母是P,
█◤█ 这里简写为P。)报考之前,他找人了解了一下P大博士生入
█ █ 学考试的情况,得知该大学的考博英语出题和判卷都极为变
█ █ 态。说曾经有个同学作文把动词cut的过去式写成了cutted,
█◢█ 判卷老师就给了个零分。
█ █ 听说这种变态情况以后,L句在复习的时候就在英语方面
█◢◤ 多花了不少功夫。谁知道考试的时候还是出现了意想不到的 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 情况。考完英语后,大家都很关心他,问他考得怎么样。他 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 觉得考得还行,拿70分应该没什么问题。大家又开玩笑,问 ┃ _ _ ┃
他有没有将cut写成cutted。他说"那倒没有,不过作文题目 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 的确很变态,让写对我国的自动化工业的看法。可怜我一个 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 文科生,哪懂什么自动化工业?" 大家正要表达对出题变态 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 的bs的时候,他又补了一句,"我准备过好多题目,就是没想 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 到会考auto industry." [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 10
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
他一说完,大家都愣了。过了一会儿,有一哥们试探
█◤█ 性地问他"你确定这里的auto是自动化而不是汽车吗?"
█ █ 听完这话,L句脸一下子就白了,声音也有些颤抖了,
█ █ "糟糕,我怎么没想到auto是汽车呢?汽车工业就比较合
█◢█ 理了。" 我承认在这点上我很不够哥们,因为他当时说
话的样子让我想到了祥林嫂。
█ █ 对于写错一个词都能给判零分的作文评分标准,跑题
█◢◤ 了岂不是要给负分?大家一时都想不出用什么话来安慰 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 他。过了一会儿,L句自己打破了沉默,抬起头,悠悠地 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 说:"没关系,幸好我对自动化工业一点都不了解,作文 ┃ _ _ ┃
一点都没涉及细节,尽扯淡来着,什么国家政策、世界经 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 济形势之类的。现在想想,我写的东西适应到汽车工业应 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 该也可以。"大家一时无语。 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 呵呵,我到现在都不知道自动化工业是不是可以写成 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ auto industry,不过L句那年英语考了75分。 ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 11
█◤█ ★ 标题: 探望 ★ id: Lov
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █
█ █ 和一个同事A去探望另一个同事刚出生的孩子。
█◢█
逗了孩子一会儿,大家都很开心。
█ █
█◢◤ 忽然同事A说了一句:这孩子挺通人性。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 大家都很尴尬。 ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 12
█◤█ ★ 标题: 乘电梯的笑话 ★ id: juliethan
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 上班ing,一直在和一堆的数据表格奋战,
█ █ 右手不停地在数字小键盘敲来敲去,
█◢█ 此时正好领导进来,
手里拿着一叠材料,
█ █ 要我跑腿送到10楼某个部门头头儿那里去,
█◢◤ 我接过材料便直奔电梯。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 进到电梯间以后,伸手按了个1键, ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 然后就开始狂找0键, ┃ _ _ ┃
可怎么找也找不到,眼看电梯门要关了, ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 于是手疾眼快就立刻伸手按住"开门"键,接着继续狂找0键, ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 13
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█
█ █
█ █ 同乘电梯的人全都一脸狐疑地看着我,
█◢█ 直到电梯在空中快停顿了将近三十秒钟,
终于有位大哥实在忍不住了问我,
█ █ 你到底要去几楼啊?
█◢◤ 我着急到说,10楼啊, JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 然后一语把自己惊醒了,对啊,去10楼直接按10就好了, ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 干嘛一直按1和0键啊,又不是小键盘在组合数字 ┃ _ _ ┃
脸通红,到了10楼就飞也似的跑出了电梯 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 14
█◤█ ★ 标题: 平胸 ★ id: jikhotel
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ mm给我讲的:
█ █
█◢█ "周末加班,有个男同事突然大喊一声"平胸!!"。
█ █ 我跟另外一个mm很诧异,突然发现,一个姓平的哥们走
█◢◤ 了进来,于是大笑。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 搞得两个男同胞很尴尬。。。" ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 15
█◤█ ★ 标题: 大家都见过些什么彪悍的司机? ★ id: crowyue
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
今天我坐公交车,开着开着,左边一辆别克突然强行变
█◤█ 道挤到我们前面,然后一下子停了
█ █ 驾驶员急刹车踩下去,车上的乘客摔成一团。
█ █ 大家都在纷纷咒骂那个别克司机
█◢█ 我本以为驾驶员必然要问候对方列祖列宗,不料他一言
不发,不慌不忙地把车开到别克前面停好
█ █ 然后,他转头对车厢里面说
█◢◤ "大家坐好,扶手抓紧了" JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 然后,他以迅雷不及掩耳的速度挂上了倒档踩下了油门 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
在全体乘客的石化中,别克的前脸就这么完了…… ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ p.s.说句题外话我打赌那小车一定不是别克但是如果我 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 不说别克而是说小车公交车公交车小车,大家都要看晕了, ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 所以我只好假装它是别克了 ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 16
█◤█ ★ 标题: 游泳馆 ★ id: smtj
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █
█ █
█◢█
上次和朋友去找游泳馆,不认识路,然后问了一栋很气
█ █ 派的楼下面的一个保安问他游泳馆在哪里,他让我们等等,
█◢◤ 然后拿出很厚的一本书查了半天,告诉我们,这里没有这个 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 人。 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 17
█◤█ ★ 标题: 公交车笑话 zz ★ id: mech
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 前日和哥们坐公交,车上特挤.
█ █
█◢█ 我突然看到哥们旁边一大姐满脸通红,边示意哥们看看.
█ █ 哥们看了一眼说:"那是个小偷!"
█◢◤ JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 我问道:"你怎么知道的啊?" ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
答曰:"因为我裤兜没底,通的!" ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 18
█◤█ ★ 标题: 损招 ★ id: liangyue
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
昨天中午到食堂吃饭。
█◤█ 我跟同组的两个哥们一张桌子。
█ █ 旁边桌上有个长发美女,--其实也不是太美,就是身材
█ █ 劲爆。
█◢█ 我么都不由得多看了一眼。
我小声给两个同事说:考你们一道常识题,世界上最大
█ █ 的大象有多大?
█◢◤ A:1吨 B:2吨 C:3吨 D:4吨 E:5吨 F:6吨 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 两个哥们想了想, ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 一个说:我猜D。另一个说:我猜F。 ┃ _ _ ┃
第一个哥们立刻反驳道:不可能吧,哪有那么大啊。 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 这时,那个美女站起来,恶狠狠的瞪了那两个哥们一眼:┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 无聊!色狼! ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 起身走了。 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 两个哥们面面相觑。不明所以。只有我偷乐。 ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 19
█◤█ ★ 标题: 致伟大的土豆zz ★ id: cornstalk
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ 你们 │ 在木须肉里
永远是 │ 肉不在你们就是肉
█◤█ 大学食堂的 │ 鸡蛋不在你们就是鸡蛋
█ █ 主角 │
█ █ │ 日复一日年复一年
█◢█ 你们 │ 默默承受毫无怨言
几乎是 │
█ █ 无处不在 │ 没有土豆就没有食堂
█◢◤ │ 没有食堂就没有大学生 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 哪里有需要 │ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 哪里就会有 │ 土豆改造我们 ┃ _ _ ┃
你们伟大的身影 │ 我们改造地球 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ │ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 你们 │ 也许,地球本身 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 是宫爆鸡丁里的鸡丁 │ 就是一个大土豆 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 是辣椒炒肉里的肉片 │ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 20
█◤█ ★ 标题: 昨天去买TT(弱*) ★ id: florian
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 去了超市,看到一个以前没用过的日本牌子GB,感觉比
█ █ 较新鲜,刚想拿去埋单,忽然另外一名牌套套JSB的促销阿姨
█◢█ 急速而至,猛力推销JSB。
█ █ 本人一向反感买东西的时候被人推销,而且还是买套套!
█◢◤ 于是很不耐烦,随口说:那人家这GB还你那JSB有什么不同 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 啊?还不是一样?! ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ ┃ _ _ ┃
促销阿姨神秘状凑过来悄悄说:日本人的...小一点的! ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 。。。后来想了想,只好忍了,于是买了JSB。。。 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 21
█◤█ ★ 标题: 今天亲眼目睹一个小男孩调戏他妈 ★ id: litbiscuit
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
█◤█
█ █ 今天陪妈妈去传说中的华山医院看病
█ █ 一看号头,ft,前面排了688个看病的人
█◢█ 正boring中,听到一个三四岁的小男孩和他妈妈的对话:
█ █ 1)这个小家伙坐在他妈妈的腿上,把他妈妈的头发弄得是乱
█◢◤ 七八糟,边弄头发还边高兴的对他妈说: 5月刊
█◤◣ 你变小姑娘啦,你变小姑娘啦 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 他妈怒了,说:你快给我弄回来 ┃ _ _ ┃
这小伙子七弄八弄的,然后对他妈说: ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 好了,你又变成老大妈啦 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ (可怜的母亲啊……我都不忍看他妈的表情) ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 22
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█ [接上文]
█◤ 2) 过了会儿,这个小男孩拿出他的汽车模型玩,开始和他妈
模拟乘公交车。
█◤█ 小男孩说:妈妈,妈妈,79路开过来了,但是车很挤怎么
█ █ 办,要不要上?
█ █ 他妈妈说:那没办法呀,我要赶时间,再挤也要上的。
█◢█ 小男孩说:但车不停……
(咣当……)
█ █
█◢◤ 3)又过了会儿,这个小家伙估计是玩累了,对他妈说:我困了 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 就趴在他妈身上开始睡觉 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 没过一会儿,他开始动手解他妈衣服上的纽扣 ┃ _ _ ┃
他妈惊到:你要干吗? ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 小男孩说:盖被子…… ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ (补充说明,他妈穿的是对襟衫,系纽扣的那种,现在上海 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 天热,估计脱了的话里面近乎真空了) ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
现在的小孩真的好强啊,太有才了!!! Page 23
█◤█ ★ 标题: 俺蹲小黑屋的经历——xhw宣传兼泄密帖 id: windin
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤
版上经常有兄弟问小黑屋里是啥样,为了能给大伙解疑,
█◤█ 俺某年奔簋街群架pk了一下下,成功!被关小黑屋了!这一
█ █ 刻,他不是一个人被关!他不是一个人!~~那谁,黄建翔
█ █ 呢,出来替俺吆喝一下。
█◢█
终于进去了,抓住这来之不易的机会,俺换房达三间,
█ █ 采访愈百位。嗯,闲话少叙,开始8g之旅:
█◢◤ JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 1、 先说进去时,zt每人发了一根烟,待大家都吐了烟圈, ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 徐徐说:你们被关的可是号称全亚洲条件第一的xhw啊,有 ┃ _ _ ┃
空调地暖彩电24小时热水高档地砖铺设。众mj不解,zt继续 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 解释:因为某国总抨击咱们没renquan,就修了。众mj顿时 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 对某国感激涕零,一mj遂问:那里面能点菜吃么?有啤酒... ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 被zt的大猪眼瞪回。 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 24
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█ 2、 进去,发现zt没说谎,只是彩电始终joke普法宣传,好
█ █ 容易晚上能看会连续剧了,俺眼镜还被没收!24小时热水,
█ █ 嗯,23小时都用来冲卫生间,1小时可以洗澡。
█◢█
3、 吃饭,xhw的馒头好吃,偶尔改善生活还有俩玉米窝头啃,
█ █ 就是每顿都白菜汤(后来琢磨是不是俺叫白菜才有此一劫,
█◢◤ 遂开始换nick)。某次zt中的大zt巡查版面,小zt赶紧每mj JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 发了俩吮指原味牛肉包,俺吃完正吮指呢,身边一哥们郁闷 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 说:靠,吃完了更饿。临出来几天,睡觉olny梦到烤羊宝~ ┃ _ _ ┃
烤的兹拉流油的羊宝。 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 嗯,大概情况如此,下面开始8g当时采访的各mj,xhw众生相。 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 25
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█ 4、 六十多一老头被封xhw。大家盘问该老被封原因:喜欢
█ █ 古董,去潘家园,看到一副日本侵国时的刺刀,吐血买了,
█ █ 用报纸包着洋洋得意回走,路遇熟人,扯开报纸给人xb...
█◢█ joke两会期间,一110的zt路过--非法携带管制刀具!没收!
态度恶劣,另加3d。
█ █
█◢◤ 5、 一老兄,四十多岁,没媳妇。唧唧歪歪一人,和邻居版 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 面吵架又人身攻击,被封7d。 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 来后每天找zt诉苦--俺进来之前买的湿面条还没解开袋口呢,┃ _ _ ┃
不放俺回去就馊了... ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 俺家里养了花,没人回去浇水就死了... ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 整xhw都这唐僧苍蝇的嗡嗡声,5d时出去了。 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 26
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█ 6、 挺斯文一哥们,某外企员工。家里有事要回,车站买到
█ █ 票高兴的往外挤,一zt巡逻被厮碰了一踉跄,zt骂:你丫傻
█ █ b啊,挤啥?!他也回嘴:你丫才傻b呢。被zt发送。预审.
█◢█ zt后来给尹解释说:他骂你是私人情绪,你骂他是妨碍公务
--5d吧。
█ █
█◢◤ 7、 快六十的老大哥,对人不错(因为总把馒头让给俺), JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 被封30d。俺一直套问他被封理由,快出来时才说:媳妇前 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 几年练flg,学会没事说toooooold了。他自己也跟着学,不 ┃ _ _ ┃
后来版面取缔就不学了。joke两会期间zt找来说:进去待一 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 个月吧,两会结束了再出来...很安心就进来了...俺没有帮 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ toooooooooold说话的意思啊,呵呵,仅仅这老哥的坦然心 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 态经常勉励着俺--人生要平和心态,灌水也要,别没事就说 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 别人yy。 ┗╯ ╰┛
[接下文] Page 27
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█
█ █ 8、 北京站一扛大包的,三十多,因为市场都被joke官方收
█ █ 费的“小红帽”垄断了,偷偷扛包,屡次被封。进来后很高
█◢█ 兴,说有吃有喝比在外面joke待着强多了。每有zt巡逻黑屋
看到都嘟囔一句:你丫怎么又进来了?!被放的时候zt特意
█ █ 叮嘱:你丫别再进来了,记住没?!都把这当免费旅馆了!
█◢◤ sigh,突然想起xinghe了。 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 9、一生命力120的小家伙,大伙问他为啥进来,他说啥也没 ┃ _ _ ┃
干,就版面推了zt几下,众人迷茫——这也封进来?joke没 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 王法了啊?!反复re文盘问,小家伙不耐烦了,re...俺拿 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 脚推的... ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 28
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█
█ █
█ █
█◢█ 10、一生命力666的老贼,五十多,碰穴砸窑剪车小飞的诸般
盗窃方式都做过,最后选定碰穴(入室盗窃)一途。自称靠
█ █ 这个家里有别墅两套,俩儿子都上大学了。后又宣传防盗门
█◢◤ 在老贼眼里没用,一两分钟就开,最后丫还在xhw打了一广 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 告,说盼盼的他得三四分钟。有mj起哄说你牛b,把xhw门屋 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 开了大家跑路吧,老贼认真瞅了一会门,嘿嘿一笑:你丫当 ┃ _ _ ┃
我傻子啊 ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 29
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█
█ █ 11、二十多岁一小伙,巨帅,xhw和他聊的最好,很老实一
█ █ 人,封禁罪名抢夺——来北京打工老板不给钱,流浪街头两
█◢█ 天,饿得没法,看到一mm提款机取了100元,上去夺了就跑,
没跑了——没其他人抓他,就是被那mm揪着衣服了。很奇怪
█ █ 他怎么会打不过那mm,这厮解释说:我就想拿点钱吃饭,她
█◢◤ 后来揪着我还打人家干吗?把俺气的骂他:那你丫也该跑了 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 啊!后来xhw进新人,老大揍了新人一顿,揍完让这厮也pk ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 几拳,这厮说:我打了他,他不会再打我吧?老大气的痛骂:┃ _ _ ┃
就你这熊样还抢劫?sigh,估计这小伙要量刑了,一时糊涂,┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 好好的人生废了。 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ [接下文] ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 30
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█ [接上文]
█◤
12、三十多一大哥,黑胖,人很实在,封禁罪名:欺诈。人
█◤█ 确实很傻,缺心眼的厉害,偏话又多,每每被人说话绕进去
█ █ 而不自知,后来老大送一句定论给他:你说能被你这个大傻
█ █ x给欺诈了的,那得是天底下多大的傻x啊。历史证明了老
█◢█ 大英明,欺诈男来了几天就被放回去,zt说欺诈罪名不成立
█ █ 13、最后说一下老大们吧,俺呆了三间,捡上面这个说说。
█◢◤ 将近五十,家有别墅一套,公寓两套,自称做生意得罪了某 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ joke的大zt,说他挑唆几个员工mj版面闹事,封365d。这是 ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 一撞墙老大。女儿已经读语言预科在德国,被一sg迷了心窍 ┃ _ _ ┃
不回来,父女关系断绝。和媳妇又生一个,临产前一周被zt ┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ 封,媳妇生完第二天到处跑关系,花了50w的joke币,哭得 ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ 眼泪花花,也没弄他躲过劫,于是每每郁闷起来,拿头撞 ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ 墙,那叫一个响。俺和他聊的好,经常神经质问俺:你说俺 ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ 闺女还能回来么?问完,又去撞墙了。。。 ┗╯ ╰┛
[接下文] Page 31
█◤█
◢ ────────────────────────────────
█
█◤ [接上文]
█◤█
█ █
█ █ 就说这些吧,里面众生相变幻莫测,节选了一些。罪有
█◢█ 应得的太多,不一一向大家汇报了。
█ █ 最后奉劝一下:还是joke的花花世界好啊,没事别去小
█◢◤ 黑屋。加油努力多干事,混个全国劳模实干企业家人大代表 JOKE 5月刊
█◤◣ 啥的,joke两会期间zt们会请你去旅游参观观摩指导工作... ╔╮____╭╗
█ █ 路费餐饮还报销。 ┃ _ _ ┃
┃ ,]__,] ┃
█◤█ [完] ┃ (‥) ┃
█◢ ┃  ̄ ┃
█◤ ┃ ______ ┃
█◢█ ┗╯ ╰┛
Page 32
█◤█ ════════════════════════════╗
◢ ║
█ ║
█◤ ║
╔╮____╭╗ __ __ ╔╮____╭╗ ║
█◤█ * _ _ ┃ ╱ ╲╱ ╲ ┃ _ _ ┃ ║
█ █ ┃ [.__[. ┃ ▕ ︳ ┃ ,]__,] ┃ ║
█ █ ┃--(‥)--┃ ▕ Endless ︳ ┃- (‥) -┃ ║
█◢█ ┃  ̄ ┃ ╲ ╱ ┃  ̄ ┃ ║
┃ ______ ┃ ╲ ╱ ┃ ______ ┃ ║
█ █ ┗╯ ╰┛ ╲╱ ┗╯ ╰┛ ║
█◢◤ ║
█◤◣ ║
█ █ ════════════════════════════╣
║
█◤█ █◢█ █◤█ █ █ ║
█◢ ▉▉█ █◢█ ◥◢◤ JOKE 5月刊 The End ║
█◤ ● ▉◤█ █◤█ █ ║
█◢█ ▉ █ █ █ █ ════════════════╝
Sender: janger sadly, message area: Joke
Title: Joke’s May issue: The day when pig prices rise
Sending station: Shuimu Community Sun Jun 10 23:56:10 2007 , within the station
space
Joke’s May issue: The day when pig prices rise
Don't lose weight
, , the price of pork has increased...
. .
oo
,] ,]
SPACE
JOKE May issue
Table of contents
1 Recommended by MMjoke May Issue
00 Recommended by XiaoHeiWu May Issue
06 Have you ever experienced this kind of embarrassment if you have children? clue
07 A cold joke violiny
08 Taiwan’s education is a failure, 70% of college students admit to cheating tazar
09 L Sentence Examination Chuckle
12 Visit Lov
13 elevator jokes juliethan
15 flat chested jikhotel
16 Have you ever seen some tough drivers? crowdyue JOKE May issue
17 swimming pool smtj
18 bus jokes zz mech
19 loss move liangyue ,] ,]
20 To the Great Potatozz cornstalk
21 I went to buy TT yesterday. Weak* florian
22 Today I witnessed a little boy molesting his mother litbiscuit
24 My experience of squatting in a small dark room xhw publicity and leakage post windin
Title: Enjoy all the fun with all the sounds and colors recommended in the May issue of MMjoke
A bunch of pictures By nighthawk
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 4
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 5
Guodetan By jiayh
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 10
Sleeping Master By jyh
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 14 JOKE May issue
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 15
Promotional banner of a certain public security bureau By biancr ,] ,]
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 18
[Continued below]
Page 1
Title: Enjoy all the fun with all the sounds and colors recommended in the May issue of MMjoke
Copy X zz By Maugham
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 20
human life By zhaodc
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 11
Magical World By H5N1
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 1
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 2 JOKE May issue
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 5 3 3
,] ,]
Page 00
Title: Children's Day Special Topic Writing Compositions for Primary School Students Recommended by XiaoHeiWu May Issue
Topic requirements by crowyue
What is the person I admire the most? This is the first time. I remember a little thing.
The number of words must not exceed 300, the time, place and characters must be complete, and those with poor sentences will fail. JOKE May issue
No more than 5 typos are allowed. Those who commit x or e will be shot on the spot.
,] ,]
[Continued below]
Page 01
Title: [Composition 1] Remember a small thing id: yutourr
This morning when I went to school, I saw an ant on the way. There was a grain of rice in front of it.
The ant tried hard to drag the grains of rice, but he couldn't drag them. I thought he couldn't drag them, so he would leave.
But it didn't let go and dragged it hard again and again. Once
He used too much force and couldn't hold on to the rice grains. He fell to the ground. Although it was very
It hurt, but it didn't retreat. I dragged it bravely over and over again. In the blink of an eye, it was under the sun.
The mountain is over and I have to go home. But the little ant still insists on dragging rice grains. I am very JOKE May issue
Touched. The perseverance of the little ant deeply moved me. I learned from books
Knowledge that cannot be learned from school. I want to learn like an ant and be a person who is not afraid of difficulties.
,] ,]
Page 02
Title: [Essay 2] Happy Day id: realsimple
Today is Sunday. Dad took me to the zoo. The weather is very nice.
Li Wuyun, we first went to our house to wait for the bus. We waited for a long time, but the bus didn’t come.
I was a little anxious. At this time, I remembered that the teacher taught us to be patient.
So there was no rush. I got on the bus and drove very fast. I arrived at the zoo, Dad.
Dad went to buy tickets. Dad bought a full ticket and I bought a half ticket. The total cost was 20 yuan.
fifty-fifty cents
JOKE May issue
There are many people in the zoo. There are men, women, adults, little people, and old people.
Some people are very tall, some people are very fat, and they have a sister with a chest.
My bulge is high. I don’t know if I’m sick. Have I gone to see a doctor? ,] ,]
Look and see like this, the sun goes down and dad takes me home
This is such a happy day
Page 03
Title: [Composition 3] Remember a little thing id: ralfe
On Saturday morning, I accompanied Xiaohua and his parents to visit Xiaohua’s grave.
I took out a bunch of firecrackers and set them off. I watched him smile from the side. Suddenly, someone behind me
An uncle with a very pale face shouted angrily, "Stop making trouble, I won't let anyone sleep anymore."
I felt very ashamed after hearing this. As a young pioneer, I interfered while sweeping the grave.
I lowered my head and found that the red scarf was not that red anymore.
It was Xiaohua and his parents, but they didn’t seem to hear them. They continued talking and laughing. JOKE May Issue
Uncle was very angry and stood up and followed Xiaohua back with them. I
I felt that what Xiaohua and the others did was wrong, so I didn’t tell him. I must be heartbroken.
Learn the lessons and strive to be a qualified Young Pioneer in the future,],]
Page 04
Title: [Essay 4] The first time I did something wrong id: ralfe
My name is Xiaohua. I am 7 years old. Teacher Wang and Aunt Zhang both say that I am a good child. But
I have done something wrong and I regret it
At noon on the fifth day of the Lunar New Year last month, I went to the river to catch pang xue, and it was added to my hand. So
I went to put a bird's nest in the tree behind Xiao Ming's house. Suddenly I saw Uncle Wang next door to his house.
I was practicing wrestling with Xiao Ming’s mother. Maybe Xiao Ming’s mother was hurt by the fall and she screamed for a while.
It was so loud that I was so fascinated that I forgot to call the police. The teacher said that boys can’t JOKE May issue
bully girls
I regret very much. I decided to follow Uncle Wang in the future. If he bullies Xiao Ming’s mother again,],]
Damn it, I must call the police to arrest him and lock him in a dark room
Page 05
Title: Have you ever experienced this kind of embarrassment if you have children? id: clue
JOKE original selection
I met a family of three in the elevator today at noon. The child is in the second grade of elementary school, male.
The conversation is as follows
Father, you go directly to grandma’s house for dinner after school in the afternoon. Your mother and I have to do laundry at home.
Seriously, look at this lie. It’s really low-grade.
Son, oh, hurry up. Looks like we might bump into each other. JOKE May issue
Father, you talk so much nonsense! I guess I understand. I’m embarrassed at first.
,] ,]
Zi, I’ve had four meals at grandma’s house this week.
I hit the wall
Page 06
Title: A cold joke id: violiny
Yesterday, I had dinner with some friends and they talked about the increase in pork prices and the country's use of reserve meat.
A What is reserve meat? Is it meat that has been refrigerated for several years?
B It is said that there are still pig reserves JOKE May issue
A When the reserve pig was killed, did he say with emotion and excitement, "It's been so many years?"
I thought the country had forgotten me' ,] ,]
Page 07
Title: Taiwan’s education is a failure, 70% of college students admit to cheating id: tazar
This is a news item on Taiwan's BBS
While everyone was feeling emotional, one person jumped out and said
mou. Actually, seven Chengdu University students were caught cheating.... JOKE May issue
,] ,]
Page 08
Title: L Sentence Exam id: Chuckle
Haha, I’m bored today. I’ll write some past events. I might not be happy, but who is that?
Didn’t you say that what happened is extremely charming?
L sentence refers to a person. The first letter of his last name is L. Here is the abbreviation.
The L sentence is actually his nickname. I remember one day he suddenly
Everyone calls them Ju, what, Zhao Ju, Qian Ju, and Sun.
Everyone was confused at first, but later they learned that there are dialects. JOKE May Issue
Pronounce "pig" as a sentence. It turns out that he was scolding people. Since pigs were not yet
With such a high status as now, I heard that some girls are acting like a spoiled child and making themselves old.
Both the father-in-law and the boyfriend are called my pigs, point your fingers... Here we are,],]
These Zhao Qian and Sun Ju were very angry, so everyone held a meeting and unanimously passed a decision.
The L sentence became his nickname
[Continued below]
Page 09
[continued from above]
L wants to be admitted as a doctoral candidate at University P. The first letter of the name of the school is P.
The abbreviation here is P. Before applying for the exam, he asked someone to find out about the entrance of doctoral students in P University.
I learned about the situation of the university’s English Ph.D. examination and found that the writing and judging of the English exams were extremely variable.
I said that a classmate once wrote the past tense of the verb cut as cutted in his composition.
The teacher who judged the paper gave him a zero mark.
After hearing about this abnormal situation, sentence L was in English during review
After a lot of effort, who knew something unexpected would happen during the exam? JOKE May Issue
Situation: After taking the English test, everyone was very concerned about him and asked him how he did in the test.
I think I did okay in the exam and I should have no problem getting 70 points. Everyone joked again and asked
Did he write cut as cutted? He said, "No, it's just the title of the essay,],]
It's really perverted. Please write down your views on my country's automation industry. I'm sorry.
How do liberal arts students know anything about the automation industry? "Everyone was about to express their perversion of the question.
When talking about BS, he added, "I have prepared many questions, but I just didn't think about it."
Go and take the auto industry exam." [Continued below]
Page 10
[continued from above]
As soon as he finished speaking, everyone was stunned. After a while, a buddy tried
Ask him sexually, "Are you sure the auto here is automation and not a car?"
After hearing this, L's face suddenly turned pale and his voice trembled a little.
"Oops, why didn't I think that auto was a car? The automobile industry is more suitable.
Got it. "I admit that I am not very good at this point, because he said at the time
The look of her words reminded me of Mrs. Xianglin
An essay scoring standard that will give you zero points for every wrong word. Off-topic.
Wouldn’t it be a negative score? Everyone couldn’t think of words to comfort them. JOKE May Issue
After a while, he broke the silence by himself, raised his head and leisurely
Say "It doesn't matter. Fortunately, I don't know anything about the automation industry."
It doesn’t involve details at all. It’s just nonsense. What kind of national policy? World Economy ,] ,]
Economic situation and so on. Now think about it, what I wrote is adapted to the application of the automobile industry.
It's okay." Everyone was speechless for a moment.
Haha, I still don’t know if automation industry can be written as
auto industry But L sentence got 75 points in the English test that year
Page 11
Title: Visit id: Lov
I went with a colleague A to visit another colleague’s newborn child.
After teasing the children for a while, everyone was very happy
Suddenly, colleague A said: This kid is quite humane. JOKE May Issue
Everyone is embarrassed
,] ,]
Page 12
Title: Elevator Joke id: juliethan
I have been struggling with a bunch of data tables at work.
My right hand kept typing on the numeric keypad.
Just then the leader came in
Holding a stack of materials in hand
You want me to run an errand and send it to the head of a certain department on the 10th floor.
I took the materials and went straight to the elevator JOKE May issue
After entering the elevator, I reached out and pressed the 1 button.
Then I started searching frantically for the 0 key
But no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find it. The elevator door was about to close,],]
So with quick hands and eyes, I immediately reached out and pressed the "open door" button and continued to search for the 0 button.
[Continued below]
Page 13
[continued from above]
Everyone in the elevator looked at me suspiciously
Until the elevator almost stopped in the air for nearly thirty seconds
Finally, a big brother couldn't bear it anymore and asked me
Which floor are you going to?
I was so anxious that I said it was on the 10th floor. JOKE May issue
Then I woke up with a word, right. Just go to the 10th floor and just press 10.
Why do you keep pressing the 1 and 0 keys? It's not like the small keyboard is combining numbers.
His face turned red and he ran out of the elevator as fast as he reached the 10th floor,],]
Page 14
Title: Flat Chest id: jikhotel
mm told me
"When I was working overtime on the weekend, a male colleague suddenly shouted "flat chest"
Another girl and I were very surprised when we suddenly discovered that a buddy named Ping was leaving.
I came in and laughed JOKE May issue
It made the two male compatriots very embarrassed."
,] ,]
Page 15
Title: Everyone has seen some tough drivers id: crowdyue
Today I was taking a bus and the Buick on the left suddenly changed direction.
The road squeezed in front of us and then suddenly stopped.
The driver braked suddenly and the passengers in the car fell into a ball.
Everyone was cursing the Buick driver.
I thought the driver must be greeting the other party’s ancestors, but unexpectedly he said something
Don't send it. Drive the car to the Buick and park it calmly.
Then he turned to the inside of the car and said
"Everyone, sit tight and hold on to the armrests" JOKE May issue
Then he shifted into reverse gear and stepped on the accelerator at lightning speed.
While all the passengers were petrified, the front end of the Buick was just like this,] ,]
p.s. As a digression, I bet that car is not a Buick, but if I
Instead of talking about Buick, we talk about cars, buses, buses, cars. Everyone will be stunned.
So I had to pretend it was a Buick
Page 16
Title: swimming pool id: smtj
Last time I went to find a swimming pool with my friends. I didn’t know the way, so I was very annoyed when I asked about one.
A security guard sent downstairs asked him where the swimming pool was and he asked us to wait.
Then I took out a very thick book and checked it for a long time, telling us that there is no such JOKE May issue here.
people
,] ,]
Page 17
Title: Bus Joke zz id: mech
I took a bus with my buddy the day before yesterday, and the bus was extremely crowded.
I suddenly saw the older lady next to my brother with a red face, and motioned to him to take a look.
The buddy took one look and said, "That's a thief!"
JOKE May issue
I asked: "How did you know?"
The answer is: "Because my trouser pockets have no bottom, they are clear!" ,] ,]
Page 18
Title: Damage id: liangyue
Went to the canteen for lunch yesterday
I share a table with two buddies from the same group
There is a long-haired beauty on the table next to her. Actually, she’s not too beautiful, she’s just in shape.
Explosive
I couldn't help but take another look
I whispered to two colleagues, I will test you on a common sense question: The largest in the world
How big is the elephant
A 1 ton B 2 ton C 3 ton D 4 ton E 5 ton F 6 ton JOKE May issue
The two brothers thought about it
One said I guess D and the other said I guess F
The first buddy immediately retorted: It’s impossible, it’s not that big,],]
At this time, the beautiful woman stood up and glared at the two buddies fiercely.
boring pervert
Got up and left
The two buddies looked at each other, not knowing why. I was the only one having fun.
Page 19
Title: To the Great Potatozz id: cornstalk
You are in Mushurou
It will always be that if the meat is not there, you will be meat.
In the university cafeteria, if the eggs are not there for you, they are eggs.
main character
Day after day, year after year
You endured it silently without any complaints.
Almost
Everywhere. Without potatoes, there would be no canteen.
Without a cafeteria, there would be no college students JOKE May issue
Where is the need
Wherever there will be potatoes transform us
With your great figures, we transform the earth,],]
you maybe the earth itself
It's the diced chicken in Kung Pao Chicken. It's just a big potato.
It's the meat slices in the chili fried pork.
Page 20
Title: I went to buy TT yesterday. Weak* id: florian
I went to the supermarket and saw a Japanese brand GB that I had never used before. I felt...
It's newer. I was about to use it to pay the bill when suddenly another promotional lady from JSB set the card set.
Come quickly and vigorously promote JSB
I've always been disgusted by being promoted when buying things, and I still bought condoms.
So I got very impatient and said casually, what’s the difference if I give you JSB instead of GB? JOKE May Issue
Ah, it’s not the same
The sales promotion lady came over mysteriously and whispered, "Japanese... smaller ones,],]
After thinking about it, I had to endure it and bought JSB.
Page 21
Title: I witnessed a little boy teasing his mother today id: litbiscuit
Today I went with my mother to see a doctor at the legendary Huashan Hospital
I looked at the bus number ft. There were 688 people waiting in line to see a doctor.
In the middle of boring, I heard a conversation between a three- and four-year-old boy and his mother.
1 This little guy is sitting on his mother's lap and messing up his mother's hair
It’s a mess, I happily told my mother while doing my hair, May issue
You have become a little girl. You have become a little girl.
His mother got angry and said, get it back for me quickly.
This guy did all this stuff and then said to his mother,],]
Okay, you've become an old aunt again.
Poor mother, I can't bear to look at her fucking expression
[Continued below]
Page 22
[continued from above]
2 After a while, the little boy took out his car model and started to play with his mother
模拟乘公交车
小男孩说 妈妈 妈妈 79路开过来了 但是车很挤怎么
办 要不要上
他妈妈说 那没办法呀 我要赶时间 再挤也要上的
小男孩说 但车不停
咣当
又过了会儿,这个小家伙估计是玩累了,对他妈说 我困了 JOKE 5月刊
就趴在他妈身上开始睡觉
没过一会儿 他开始动手解他妈衣服上的纽扣
他妈惊到 你要干吗 ,] ,]
小男孩说 盖被子
补充说明 他妈穿的是对襟衫 系纽扣的那种 现在上海
天热 估计脱了的话里面近乎真空了
现在的小孩真的好强啊 太有才了 Page 23
标题: 俺蹲小黑屋的经历 xhw宣传兼泄密帖 id: windin
版上经常有兄弟问小黑屋里是啥样 为了能给大伙解疑
俺某年奔簋街群架pk了一下下 成功 被关小黑屋了 这一
刻 他不是一个人被关 他不是一个人 那谁 黄建翔
呢 出来替俺吆喝一下
终于进去了 抓住这来之不易的机会 俺换房达三间
采访愈百位 嗯 闲话少叙 开始8g之旅
JOKE 5月刊
1 先说进去时 zt每人发了一根烟 待大家都吐了烟圈
徐徐说 你们被关的可是号称全亚洲条件第一的xhw啊 有
空调地暖彩电24小时热水高档地砖铺设 众mj不解 zt继续 ,] ,]
解释 因为某国总抨击咱们没renquan 就修了 众mj顿时
对某国感激涕零 一mj遂问 那里面能点菜吃么 有啤酒...
被zt的大猪眼瞪回
[接下文]
Page 24
[接上文]
2 进去 发现zt没说谎 只是彩电始终joke普法宣传 好
容易晚上能看会连续剧了 俺眼镜还被没收 24小时热水
嗯 23小时都用来冲卫生间 1小时可以洗澡
3 吃饭 xhw的馒头好吃 偶尔改善生活还有俩玉米窝头啃,
就是每顿都白菜汤 后来琢磨是不是俺叫白菜才有此一劫
遂开始换nick 某次zt中的大zt巡查版面 小zt赶紧每mj JOKE 5月刊
发了俩吮指原味牛肉包 俺吃完正吮指呢 身边一哥们郁闷
说 靠 吃完了更饿 临出来几天 睡觉olny梦到烤羊宝
烤的兹拉流油的羊宝 ,] ,]
嗯,大概情况如此,下面开始8g当时采访的各mj xhw众生相
[接下文]
Page 25
[接上文]
4 六十多一老头被封xhw 大家盘问该老被封原因 喜欢
古董 去潘家园 看到一副日本侵国时的刺刀 吐血买了
用报纸包着洋洋得意回走 路遇熟人 扯开报纸给人xb...
joke两会期间 一110的zt路过 非法携带管制刀具 没收
态度恶劣 另加3d
5 一老兄 四十多岁 没媳妇 唧唧歪歪一人 和邻居版 JOKE 5月刊
面吵架又人身攻击 被封7d
来后每天找zt诉苦 俺进来之前买的湿面条还没解开袋口呢
不放俺回去就馊了... ,] ,]
俺家里养了花 没人回去浇水就死了...
整xhw都这唐僧苍蝇的嗡嗡声 5d时出去了
[接下文]
Page 26
[接上文]
6 挺斯文一哥们 某外企员工 家里有事要回 车站买到
票高兴的往外挤 一zt巡逻被厮碰了一踉跄 zt骂 你丫傻
b啊 挤啥 他也回嘴 你丫才傻b呢 被zt发送 预审.
zt后来给尹解释说 他骂你是私人情绪 你骂他是妨碍公务
5d吧
7 快六十的老大哥 对人不错 因为总把馒头让给俺 JOKE 5月刊
被封30d 俺一直套问他被封理由 快出来时才说 媳妇前
几年练flg 学会没事说toooooold了 他自己也跟着学 不
后来版面取缔就不学了 joke两会期间zt找来说 进去待一 ,] ,]
个月吧 两会结束了再出来...很安心就进来了...俺没有帮
toooooooooold说话的意思啊 呵呵 仅仅这老哥的坦然心
态经常勉励着俺 人生要平和心态 灌水也要 别没事就说
别人yy
[接下文] Page 27
[接上文]
8 北京站一扛大包的 三十多 因为市场都被joke官方收
费的 小红帽 垄断了 偷偷扛包 屡次被封 进来后很高
兴 说有吃有喝比在外面joke待着强多了 每有zt巡逻黑屋
看到都嘟囔一句 你丫怎么又进来了 被放的时候zt特意
叮嘱 你丫别再进来了 记住没 都把这当免费旅馆了!
sigh 突然想起xinghe了 JOKE 5月刊
9 一生命力120的小家伙 大伙问他为啥进来 他说啥也没
干 就版面推了zt几下 众人迷茫 这也封进来 joke没 ,] ,]
王法了啊 反复re文盘问 小家伙不耐烦了 re...俺拿
脚推的...
[接下文]
Page 28
[接上文]
10 一生命力666的老贼 五十多 碰穴砸窑剪车小飞的诸般
盗窃方式都做过 最后选定碰穴 入室盗窃 一途 自称靠
这个家里有别墅两套 俩儿子都上大学了 后又宣传防盗门
在老贼眼里没用 一两分钟就开 最后丫还在xhw打了一广 JOKE 5月刊
告 说盼盼的他得三四分钟 有mj起哄说你牛b 把xhw门屋
开了大家跑路吧 老贼认真瞅了一会门 嘿嘿一笑 你丫当
我傻子啊 ,] ,]
[接下文]
Page 29
[接上文]
11 二十多岁一小伙 巨帅 xhw和他聊的最好 很老实一
人 封禁罪名抢夺 来北京打工老板不给钱 流浪街头两
天 饿得没法 看到一mm提款机取了100元 上去夺了就跑
没跑了 没其他人抓他 就是被那mm揪着衣服了 很奇怪
他怎么会打不过那mm 这厮解释说 我就想拿点钱吃饭 她
后来揪着我还打人家干吗 把俺气的骂他 那你丫也该跑了 JOKE 5月刊
啊 后来xhw进新人 老大揍了新人一顿 揍完让这厮也pk
几拳 这厮说 我打了他 他不会再打我吧 老大气的痛骂
就你这熊样还抢劫 sigh 估计这小伙要量刑了 一时糊涂 ,] ,]
好好的人生废了
[接下文]
Page 30
[接上文]
12 三十多一大哥 黑胖 人很实在 封禁罪名 欺诈 人
确实很傻 缺心眼的厉害 偏话又多 每每被人说话绕进去
而不自知 后来老大送一句定论给他 你说能被你这个大傻
x给欺诈了的 那得是天底下多大的傻x啊 历史证明了老
大英明 欺诈男来了几天就被放回去 zt说欺诈罪名不成立
13 最后说一下老大们吧 俺呆了三间 捡上面这个说说
将近五十 家有别墅一套 公寓两套 自称做生意得罪了某 JOKE 5月刊
joke的大zt 说他挑唆几个员工mj版面闹事 封365d 这是
一撞墙老大 女儿已经读语言预科在德国 被一sg迷了心窍
不回来 父女关系断绝 和媳妇又生一个 临产前一周被zt ,] ,]
封 媳妇生完第二天到处跑关系 花了50w的joke币 哭得
眼泪花花 也没弄他躲过劫 于是每每郁闷起来 拿头撞
墙 那叫一个响 俺和他聊的好 经常神经质问俺 你说俺
闺女还能回来么 问完 又去撞墙了
[接下文] Page 31
[接上文]
Let’s just say this. The appearances of all living beings in it are unpredictable. I’ve excerpted some of them. There are sins.
I deserve so much that I won’t report it to everyone one by one.
Finally, I would like to give you some advice: Joke’s colorful world is better. Don’t go to the small school if you have nothing to do.
Black Room, work hard and do more, become a national model worker, a hard-working entrepreneur, National People’s Congress representative JOKE May issue
What a joke. During the Two Sessions, we will invite you to travel and observe and guide the work...
Travel expenses and meals are also reimbursed
,] ,]
[over]
Page 32
[. [. ,] ,]
Endless
JOKE May Issue The End