Sender: icycream Valar morghulis , Area: Joke Title: The belated April issue Sending station: Shuimu Community Sun May 13 01:58:31 2007 , within the station Joke wants to make a printed shirt T-shirt works can be submitted on Joke and Jokeparty at the same time space Joke Police Station Zhu Zhunzi [Xinshui] No. 20070511 The 2007 Joke edition shirt collection and volunteer recruitment continues... In order to make the collection of printed shirts go smoothly, the police station has temporarily launched the Joke version attachment function. In the future, the Joke version of the shirt will be collected. Creative submission can be done on the Joke version. The functions of the JokeParty branch will remain unchanged during the shirt production period. T-shirt design suggestions 1 This is a Mizuki Joke shirt 2 Welcome to use Joke’s various classic elements such as tooold, yellow croaker, etc. 4. We also welcome shirts with ascii characteristics. 5. When designing, please consider that the printing effect of the shirt will be somewhat different from the design drawing. 6 For past shirt patterns, please refer to Joke’s highlights x 7 2 7 The collection of shirts will end in May. T-shirts submitted in the Joke edition during this period will be regarded as Original works are protected by Joke's copyright rules ,. 2007 Joke shirt production sincerely welcomes your participation: ; Advertising time is over. Now please enjoy the April issue of Joke. space ' SPACE...w m ㄟ mm mm Title: I want the bus station to be closer to the company id: zerg1234 Joke 4 The company is in Zhongguancun, but it's not on the main road, so it's about 50 meters away from the bus station. It’s 200 meters away. I recently noticed that a new line was opened passing downstairs from the company, but The company building in the station is about 50 meters away. I looked carefully and found the stop sign. It's removable. It's like a cement block with a plaque on it. So I I have an idea that if I move the stop sign 0.5 meters towards the company every day In about 100 days, we can move the bus stop to the downstairs of the company so that I It's close by car. I don't know if this plan is feasible. fivestone's reply Then n companies around have similar ideas in ' It’s the stop sign that performs Brownian motion in a small area. . mm ㎜ mm Page 01 Title: New Police Story id: SHENOK Joke 4 The so-called "appearing at the scene" means that the police went to the scene of the traffic accident to check the situation and obtain the publication. Information: This story was told by an old man when I was working on a project for the traffic police in Changchun. The police told me A top student who just graduated from the police academy arrived at the scene of the accident and saw a man lying on the bed. The person on the ground had bare feet, so he said sadly that this person might not be able to survive, ugh. An old policeman asked why, and the new policeman said something like this as an endorsement. Traffic police all know that in a traffic accident, if there are injured people who have no intuition, generally Look at the shoes first. If the shoes are still on the feet, then the person is probably fine. If the shoes fall off, Then this person probably cannot be rescued. This is not a mystery, but a sufficient knowledge. It is based on scientific evidence that when a person is seriously injured, the nervous system is completely lost. Function: The muscles will relax to an unexpected degree. This degree has It cannot be simulated when you are conscious. At this time, if you add the . mm in the car accident, [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 02 Title: New Police Story id: SHENOK [Continued from above] Joke 4 The shoes will basically be thrown off if you roll over, and if the injury is not serious, the shape of the foot will change. The shape will keep the shoes on When he was about to wait for the old policeman's praise, the lying man turned over He rolled his eyes and said, I go barefoot when I go out, and then continued to lie down with my eyes closed. With The driver next to him looked like he was crying and said, "This is a scam. I almost stopped." Then he came up and bumped into me, and he just kept lying there." ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 03 Title: Power outage last night id: VF0 Joke 4 After a call in the early morning, the light woke us up. The guys in the dormitory were in a daze. say "Damn, this light also has a caller ID function..." ' .mm ㎜ mm Page 04 Title: Don’t bully foreigners who don’t understand Chinese id: cxy Joke 4 It is said that in the China Life Building in Chaoyangmen, two girls were talking in the elevator one day. Discussing which cosmetics have the best whitening effect? ​​A big old guy in the elevator was talking silently. Standing, then a sentence in authentic Chinese suddenly came out "It doesn't work. I've tried it, but it doesn't work." ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 05 Title: Card Collection id: eamon Joke 4 When I came home today, I found a piece of paper posted on the door of the corridor. It will be published in Neighborhood Committee, Room 102, Building 2. Condom card is issued. It can be issued at Condom Condoms will be collected automatically on board. Gays of childbearing age are welcome to come and collect them. I heard on photography forums that this thing can be put on the lens when traveling around. The waterproof effect is excellent. I plan to get a card. When I arrived at the neighborhood committee, my aunt was packing her things to get ready for get off work. I looked around timidly. I wanted to ask directly but I was embarrassed. While I was talking, my aunt looked at me and said "Young man, come and get condoms." ' I blushed a little and nodded. "Where is the marriage certificate?" . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 06 Title: Card Collection id: eamon [Continued from above] Joke 4 "Auntie, I'm not married" published "Oh, look at how honest you are, tsk tsk. Today's young people are not married. If your marriage certificate doesn't work, you should study hard at such a young age, you know?" "Auntie, I'm not young anymore. I'm already thirty." "If you are not married at thirty, you have to be responsible for your girlfriend. What are you guys doing?" You are all so irresponsible." ' "Auntie, where did you go? I don't have a girlfriend either." "Oh" the aunt looked at me meaningfully . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 07 Title: Card Collection id: eamon [Continued from above] Joke 4 I quickly interrupted before she could say anything more unpleasant, "Auntie, you misunderstood me." It’s not like I fool around with women all day long. Look at my honest face. "Face" put on an innocent expression while speaking "Then why do you want this thing? You don't want to use national property to blow up balloons." The aunt asked casually while lowering her head to organize the documents on the table. "Auntie, you're so funny. Why are you blowing up a balloon? I'll put it away when I blow it up." Wouldn't you say it's so shabby if a guest sees it?" ' "You don't need to do this alone. Wait until you find a girlfriend and bring her over." "Take it from me" I couldn't laugh or cry, "Don't use me to play cymbals. I'm really using it seriously. I'm afraid of doing it. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 08 Title: Card Collection id: eamon [Continued from above] Joke 4 Isn't it okay to have dirty sheets?" The aunt raised her head and glanced over the top of her reading glasses with suspicious eyes. I glanced at it and hesitated for a moment and said, "Then you fill out a form." I thanked you profusely, filled out the form to get the card, and asked anxiously before going out, "Auntie." What size is this condom?" Auntie Yi Le said, "Haha, young man, okay, what size do you want?" ' I used my hand to compare the thickness of the lens. "I beat you for being such a shameless kid, and you are teasing me," the aunt scolded angrily. Then he kicked me out of the door. mm ㎜ mm Page 09 Title: Afternoon Library Encounter id: myg Joke 4 I went to the library in the afternoon and suddenly felt anxious. I didn’t bring any paper, so I hurried to the journal. I was buying toilet paper downstairs, but the paper sales office didn’t have any change, so I had to buy two for one dollar. Bag, I hurried into the toilet and squatted down in a hurry. As a result, the toilet paper rolled out of my pocket. When I came out, I had quick eyesight and quick hands, but I could only catch one packet. The other packet rolled around. It rolled from the bottom of the partition at my feet to the next door. I took a look with my probe and saw that it was rolling to the next door. Damn, a pair of sneakers So I started to think about how to get it back. It must be impossible to reach out. After all, people The family is working hard and the drums are beating loudly. Why do you suddenly disturb me? Besides, it’s changed. I suddenly noticed that a hand stretched from the squatting pit next door to my feet. It must be too big. I was shocked. When the goods arrived at the crossing, they couldn’t help but force themselves to go back. Forget it, I’ll wait. After the guy next door has finished taking care of things and goes out, it won't be too late to go in and get the toilet paper back. I waited and waited and waited. The neighbor didn’t move at all. Damn, it’s a test of my patience. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 10 Title: Afternoon Library Encounter id: myg [Continued from above] Joke 4 So I wanted to play mobile games to pass the time, but I was worried that my phone would fall into the toilet. According to the publication Let me tell you that a certain mm once suffered this disaster and lost a Nokia 2130. What a lesson. So I wiped off my phone first, pulled up my pants, stood up, and then carefully took out my phone. I stood there and played in the toilet for a long time, wondering why the neighbor still didn't come out, so I squatted down again. I took a few glances to make sure that the other party still refused to leave. I couldn't help but feel angry and resentful. Next, just lift your legs and leave, just toilet paper, provoking a hero to bend his waist. When I walked to the toilet, I felt a loss again. After all, the toilet paper I bought was so cheap. The boy from the wall then turned back angrily and walked around in front of the next door. After a long time, I knocked on the door and cleared my throat, "Hello, I'm your classmate next door." "Can you please give me my toilet paper?" Still no response, damn Sheng In anger, I opened the door and walked in, shouting, "Give me my toilet paper." In front of me, a well-behaved girl squatted there and looked up at me innocently, still holding something in her hand. Holding the Nokia game phone for a while, he tremblingly handed me two wrinkled .mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 11 Title: Afternoon Library Encounter id: myg [Continued from above] Joke 4 Baba's homework sheet "Brother, these are the only two pieces I have left." Looking at the poor child and the two worksheets in his hands, I felt pity. "Forget it, I don't want it anymore. There is a new pack at your feet. Don't use homework." The paper was broken and hard. pp "After saying that, I suddenly felt sweaty and ran away from the toilet. ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 12 Title: A true joke I’ve been hiding for a long time id: luttever Joke 4 The story about a male classmate of our undergraduate program. He did a lot of dz things. Publish first. Tell me a masterpiece This jp man took a bodybuilding class as an elective. It sounds very e. This bodybuilding class is It's only open to boys. It's for fitness equipment. One day in class, a Beijing-based teacher named Kange taught everyone wsn: We are Chinese men just lack exercise. Foreigners like Ximen Qing basically don’t know how to die. It happened, everyone snickered, and suddenly the jp man said loudly, "Teacher, I think We have to be in a foreign country. In this case, the person who died should be a woman. The whole class was stunned, and then everyone orz burst into laughter. This jp man became famous after one battle. ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 13 Title: playground running id: windin Joke 4 I forget what year it happened. I was passing by Beicao and saw a little thin man jumping around playing football. He yelled to a fat man from a distance: "Hey, how far has Sanqian run?" Fatty doesn’t know Thin man, why don’t you know? Fatty finished running. The teacher has left. ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 14 Title: A classmate’s unlucky story today id: ww0302 Joke 4 Today, the class organized a trip to the Summer Palace to publish Arriving at the Summer Palace in the morning, my classmate discovered that he had brought a digital camera but no card. When I was shopping, I realized that I only had 1.5 yuan on me when I came out today. Come and follow me. I borrow money When I came back to look for the bus in the afternoon, he said that there was no one on bus number 834. He could get a seat on the bus and it was straightforward. When we arrived at school, he sat there last week. We followed him for two stops and our legs were so fast. It was broken and I couldn't find it. Finally I couldn't help it and just got on the bus. The TV news said that route 834 was just canceled today' After getting on the bus, everyone found their seats, and he was the only one standing in the bus. He recommended to us that there is a Chengdu snack opposite Zhongcai that is very delicious. We went there. It was discovered that the opposite side of Zhongcai had been razed to the ground. . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 15 Title: A classmate’s unlucky story today id: ww0302 [Continued from above] Joke 4 Then we found a snack bar. After we each asked for one, he asked for a magazine. After waiting for ten minutes for fried rice noodles, he learned that the rice noodles were gone. At this time, he almost collapsed. Got it We told him not to go back to the dormitory with him at night, otherwise we would find that the dormitory was empty when we came back. Got it ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 16 Title: How to become an otaku id: roseven Joke 4 By the way, my father has been a homebody since he was a child. Young workers all know how to pick up girls. But he stays up late every day to play with the radio, which is comparable to the otakus who stay up late to watch BBS nowadays. Growing up, I didn’t talk about holding a woman’s hand. I didn’t even have the chance to talk to a woman. Relying on introductions from matchmakers, there are so many single men in their thirties and forties in the factory that they can’t even get their turn in line. When it comes to my dad, in the words of a certain matchmaker, "You are still young, just wait a few more years." My dad was already twenty-eight at that time But the otaku is lucky. There is a female youth worker on the team who likes him, but it's not very good. I'm sorry, so I asked the old workers in the class to help. Hey Xiaoluo, look at this girl. I'm so tired. Why don't you help me get a meal or something? My dad will just go there.' Asked Comrade, do you need help bringing food? The girl blushed and pretended to shirk, no. I want it. Thank you, brother Ronaldinho. Then my dad left obediently. The girl was very angry. The old man who has experienced many battles. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 17 Title: How to become an otaku id: roseven [Continued from above] Joke 4 The workers were also very angry. I have been a matchmaker countless times, and they always revealed the truth. I’ve never seen such a homely person. I asked, why don’t you help with the meal? My dad’s hands were spread out. To be honest, I went and asked, but they wouldn’t let me, what can I do? The old worker's liver function couldn't bear such a blow, and he died early due to depression. My father was very poor. Regret: I often sigh that I have made the old man mad to death. When the devil's plan failed, she tried another one, so she bought two movie tickets and put them in I gave one to my dad. I didn’t give it directly. I entrusted it to a male worker. Oops, Ronaldinho, what a coincidence. I have a movie ticket here. Are you free tonight? The original plan was that my dad would go and sit down when the time came. Then there would be a chance. What? After my dad got the ticket, he thought he would play it at night and collect it. What's the point of the movie? I turned around and gave the ticket to another coworker. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 18 Title: How to become an otaku id: roseven [Continued from above] Joke 4 Oops, Xiao Li, what a coincidence. If you want to see the movie tonight, I’ll give you a ticket. oh Xiao Li was going to watch a movie and suddenly found a young girl with vicious eyes sitting next to her. Xiao Li cried with tears and said, "It's none of my business. I don't know anything." Don't kill me Since my father deeply failed to live up to their expectations, my father-in-law was very disappointed. Damn, there are three-legged toads jumping around in this factory. I’m a pretty girl. Mom, you fucked me, you didn’t want to. You deserve to be an otaku for the rest of your life, so after that Every time my dad meets his failed father-in-law, he just walks away with his head down in despair. The above story was told by my mother with gloating. But then again, what if If my father didn’t stay at home, would I still exist? Dad, don’t worry, Wei’er is not a homebody at all. Wei’er has avenged you. mm ㎜ mm Page 20 Title: google translate id: timepp Joke 4 Today I forgot how to express "half a day" Is it half day, one half day, half a day, or half of day So I went to google translate for help Start typing "I spent half the day eating" Google translated it as "I took a long time to eat" I thought this is right, because I usually speak like this, I need to add some rhyme to it. means half of a day So I typed "I spent half a day eating", The result of Google translation is "I took a long time to eat children " ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 21 Title: Canteen Encounter id: JianguanghaN Joke 4 Location "Tingtao Garden" publication Cause: I felt that the three taels of rice the rice seller gave me was a bit too little, so I am dissatisfied. Can I give you "more" less? I saw the young man silently taking back the cat dish and pulling it back four inches into the bucket. one ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 22 Title: The Marriage of a Brother id: kulang Joke 4 Not long ago, I met a classmate and we had a chat, eating, drinking, talking about work and life. Speaking of marriage, he said that when someone first introduced him to LP, his mother was worried. I secretly went to the bank where lp works and took a peek alone. He kept asking around the lp's colleagues, which made the lp very disgusted. At that time, the lp was talking to Another young man was talking. I thought he was that young man’s mother and immediately told him The unlucky kid broke up and started talking to my buddy until he came to meet his in-laws for the first time. Only later did I understand btw, my brother always shows off how good the relationship between the two is now. What a fate. ' . mm ㎜ mm Page 23 Title: There is a sequence of hearing and there is a specialization in the arts id: violentpig Joke 4 Our tutor’s child, Mr. P, has just turned six years old and is still in kindergarten. I publish it on a regular basis. After school, he always likes to come to our laboratory to play. As time goes by, he and our group of researchers Postgraduate students are familiar with each other Recently, I heard that I have learned vertical addition and subtraction. It is said that I can do addition and subtraction within 5 digits. It was done within a few minutes, and he frequently shouted to the doctors in the laboratory to compete with each other. Mr. Z, a master's student, couldn't stand it, so he wrote a question for him. 4283 5739 6742 2869 1375 5738 2871 1376 6742 Let Mr. P and Mr. K, a doctoral student, have a try. The two of them were sweating profusely and immediately brushed it on the straw paper. A minute and a half later Mr. P ended gracefully with the answer 4381. Half a minute later, Mr. K was in a hurry. Close the pen. Answer 4381. Immediately expressed admiration for Mr. P. Mr. Z vomited blood and stood up... . mm ㎜ mm Page 24 Title: Tell a joke from my childhood id: atlantic0127 Joke 4 My aunt got married around the same time as my dad. One day when I was 2 or 3 years old I review photo albums I found my aunt’s wedding photos. There seemed to be more group photos at that time. without me Angry ING Ask grandma' You know I'm short, why don't you put up a bench to expose me? grandmother . mm ㎜ mm Page 25 Title: The kid is so funny id: i8086 Joke 4 Last night after get off work, I was eating alone at Zhongshan Park Ajisen Ramen. I sat next to him. There is a mother and her son. The little one is about 6 or 7 years old. He is very beautiful. Hui Chang loves to talk. While eating noodles, he talks to his mother. The child’s mother is skinny. She's so beautiful. She looks like she's only 25 or 6 years old. She doesn't look like her at all. Women who have given birth to children take really good care of themselves. A fatter girl has never As we walked by, the little girl stared straight at her. She's not very tall, but the dress she's wearing has a very low neckline, and her chest is exposed. After watching most of the conversation between the kid and his mother, he almost ate what I just ate. Rice spurts out ' Little P kid. This aunt doesn’t have any kids yet. Mother, how do you know? Do you know her? The little girl shook her head. I knew it by looking at her. She put her hand on her chest as she spoke. Gesture, look, she's so big here. There must be a lot of milk inside. If she has . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 26 Title: The kid is so funny id: i8086 Joke 4 If the child drinks the milk, it will become smaller here. You see, all yours are covered by me. He drank it and pointed at his mother's breasts. He didn't even finish talking. He got slapped and then got scolded by his mother. Made me laugh so hard. This kid is so fucking funny. ' . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 27 Title: Don’t joke during interviews id: CaoXueQin Joke 4 Author: SKBOY Board Boy Poster: StupidClown Title: Re: Don’t joke during the interview Time: Sun Apr 22 02:00:59 2007 My friend really had a scene during the interview... I forgot which university he went to for the interview, so it was the second stage of the interview. In addition to asking questions like "Why do you want to read this?" the interviewer will definitely ask... Because it is a major with some artistic skills, the interviewer called me an interview Talent show ' My friend didn't expect this. He found out that someone else was playing the violin and it made him so horny. He just stood there awkwardly without preparing anything. Then I don’t know what happened, but an Idea suddenly appeared in his head. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 28 title: id: [Continued from above] Joke 4 When the interviewer asked him to perform a talent show: Interviewer: Please perform a talent. Well, what is your performance? My friend: Well, I... I want to imitate 74 people in one minute. The interviewer's eyes shone brightly at this moment. How many times can he ask for in one second? Interviewer: Oh? Then please start. My friend: Okay, start timing! My friend: The first person to imitate the founding father Sun Yat-sen He made a lying posture My friend: Because the founding father has passed away, of course the deceased is lying in a coffin. Interviewer: What’s next? My friend: Next is Chiang Kai-shek Then he made a lying posture again My friend: Because Chiang Kai-shek has also passed away, and of course he is lying in a coffin. mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 29 title: id: [Continued from above] Joke 4 The interviewer already had a few lines on his face at this time. My friend asked the interviewer at this time: How many seconds are left? Interviewer: Yeah, there are still 30 seconds left. My friend: Oh, that’s all that’s left. Then I’ll spend the remaining 72 in the remaining 30 seconds. people imitate So, he... He made another lying posture Then say: These are the seventy-two martyrs of Huanghuagang' The interviewer laughed for a long time when I heard that... . mm ㎜ mm Page 30 Title: [Sand News] Shocking news: Xinghe turns out to be a girl id:yutourr Joke 4 The person who revealed this explosive news was a man who had just received a certificate issued by the State Council of China. The lady who received the "Annual Honesty Award", this lady named Yang Lijuan is 53 years old. The first impression given to people is that she is very kind and honest. She is currently working with My divorced only daughter lives on Zhongguancun South Road, Haidian District, Beijing On the 51st, she was fortunate enough to serve as Xinghe’s midwife when she was 20 The first witness who came to this world many years ago "It was a pretty girl," Ms. Sheep recalled Said "When she he became a writer and dated a girl I was so surprised because I had always thought that a certain man was her. I am rarely surprised by this troubled world, but this time But let me be an exception" In addition, while in Beijing, the reporter also received an unnamed . mm [Continue below] ㎜ mm Page 31 Title: [Sand News] Shocking news: Xinghe turns out to be a girl id:yutourr [Continued from above] Joke 4 The man’s phone number. The man told reporters that ten years ago he worked for a young woman. His wife had sex reassignment surgery to turn her into a boy. He told reporters that he later Surprisingly, this transgender woman became a science fiction writer. A dreamy name is xinghe There is also an orphanage who can provide proof for the news about xinghe’s transgender. The old dean of the school once claimed on many occasions that a man who claimed to be the boss of the dark house My son and a girl came to the hospital twice to adopt a newborn boy. The reporter then tried to contact the dean, but his whereabouts were unknown after he retired. Reporter The person dialed his original mobile phone and got the answer SORRY you dialed ' is an empty number . mm ㎜ mm Page 32 MMJOke April works Joke My jeans say to wash according to the instructions 4 By baobaoking http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 25 N’s store Super N’s store name By dhg ' http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 10 http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 11 . mm ㎜ mm Page 33 MMJOke April works Joke A kid with both internal and external skills, a black belt in Taekwondo 4 By hitago http: www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 6 When you have a partner like this, uh, and a child like this By nighthawk http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 27 http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 28 ' Google Map teaches you the best way to get from New York to Paris By IdealityCN .mm ㎜ http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 22 4 3 12 mm Page 34 The above content is the summary of the April issue of Joke For the complete monthly magazine, please go to the Joke Essence Area x 15 catalog to read Y JOKE shirt 2007 Please see the bottom article for details ^oo^ ⺌ ⺌⺌ッ ⺌ ⺌⺌ ⺌ ⺌⺌⺌⺌⺌ッ ⺌⺌ ⺌ ⺌ ⺌⺌ ッ ⺌