发信人: bingo (天黑了), 信区: Joke
标 题: 谈禽不再色变的二三月合刊
发信站: 水木社区 (Thu Apr 18 07:00:51 2013), 站内
︵
( '< ┌╮ (___ ︵
︶) ├╯ ╱\ / ︵) (─'
╭ ︶ │ ├-┤│( ︶ │
╰───┴─╯ ╰╯ ︶───╯
______ ╲ ╲ _________
╱ _____╲ ╲ ╲ ╱ _____ ╲
╱ ╱╋____/─、 ╲ ╲ ╱ ╱ ╲ ╲
\╱ ╱ __ \ ╲ ╲ ╱__╱ ┌-、 ╲__╲
/ ╲╱ / ╲ │\ ╲ ╲ ┌───-┘ └────,
\ / ╭╲__/ ╲ ╲ └─-、 ▽ ,─ˊ
﹨ /︵ つ│) ╲ ╲ │ ▕ ╲ ╱ ︳ │
│ ╱ つ │ ╲ ╲ │ ▕_╱ △ ╲_︳ │
╲╭╲_ ノ / ╲ ╲ └───╮ ╭───ˊ
ˋ─-╮ __╱ ╲ ╲ │  ̄  ̄ │
╭、_<-╮ ︵╮ ╲ ╲ │ ┌─, ╭┬─┬┐ │
/ |││──\|/ ──────────── ︳ │ │ / /─︳ ┌┘ │
╰︶ ○│︳ │︳ └ˊ └───'─└─ˊ
.─│└-ˊ)︳ 谈禽不再色变 de │︳ ╲
│ ˋ──╯ │︳ ╲
\ ˊ \ │︳ joke 2013年二三月合刊 │︳ ╲ ╲
╲/_____│︳ │︳ ╲ ╲
/ /│ │───────────────── ︳ ╲ ╲
/ / \ \ ╲ ╲
/\ \ \ ╲ 看完月刊,不要忘记投票哦~ ╲ ╲
\ ︶╲ │︶╲ ╲ ╲
ˋ─ˊ ˋ─ˊ ╲ ╲
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ │
│ │
│ [pic]以色列式执法 │
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-1 │
│ [pic]我不想开学 │
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-2 │
│ 所谓夫妻相,就是双方把脸换一下影响也不 │
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-3 │
│ 我也准备搞水滴 (转载) │
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-4 │
│ 黄浦江蛋糕 (转载) │
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-5 │
│ 吃面时遭遇艳遇 (转载) ────┤
│ http://www.newsmth.net/bbsanc.php?p=872-18-14-2-6 ╱ │
│ ╱ │
│ ╱ mmjoke │
│ ╱ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 我的微博控老婆 │
│ by KPI │
│ │
│ 话说平时天气好的时候,小区的绿地里有很多大妈晒被子。 │
│ 某天中午我和老婆从车库走出小区,发现开始下雨了。 │
│ 于是老婆对着楼上大喊一声:“下雨收被子了!” │
│ 发现没啥反应,于是又大喊一声。 │
│ 听到有人也跟着喊了以后才心满意足地回家:“终于有人转发了” │
│ │
│ ___ ──、 │
│ ╱ \ ─、╲ │
│ ╱ /──、 \ │ │
│ ╱ _______ / / ────┤
│ / ╱ ___ ╲ ˋ、 ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ │ / ╱ 。╲ │ │ ╱ ││ │ │
│ \ \ \○ / / / ╱joke││ │ │
│ ╲╲ˋ─ˊ╱ ╱ ╱ └╯└┴ │
└╮ ˋˋ───ˊ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 跑步 │
│ by ThinkpadX301 │
│ │
│ 吃完晚饭和儿子在小区里跑步, │
│ 刚下楼准备开跑,儿子问:“跑几圈?” │
│ 我随口一说:“跑到残废为止”. │
│ 吭哧吭哧跑了一圈,儿子就停下了,我说“继续啊!” │
│ 儿子双手撑着膝盖,气喘嘘嘘的说“我报废了...” │
│ 我......满头黑线|||||| ___ │
│ ╱ _ ˋ、 ︵ │
│ \╱ ╲╱___ ( ) │
│ ╱ \ ︶ │
│ ╲ / ────┤
│ /╲ /╲╱\ ︳ ︳__ ╱╭┐╭╮ │
│ ╲ ╲╱ / ︳__.=ˊ ╱ ││╭╯ │
│ ╲ / ╱joke│││ │
│ / ˋ-ˊ ╱ └╯└┘ │
└╮ /╱ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ ┌───────┐ │
│ 群发短信 │ ____________ │ │
│ by hemlock ││ ________ ││ │
│ ││|╲ ╱|││ │
│ 发小给我发的拜年短信, ││| ╲╱ |││ │
│ 觉得还可以, ╱╲││|╱____╲|││ │
│ 所以改了名字就群发给亲朋好友了。 \ ││ ││ │
│ 一会儿,收到发小的回复: ╲ ││── ││ │
│ “你大爷的,你小时候抄我作业, _││─── │ ___ │
│ 长大了抄我短信,你还敢发回来!” ╱_╲│─ ││ ╲___ │
│ ...... \/ ▕│─── │ \ ╲ │
│ ╲_/│__________││╲__╱ \ │
│ .─、 │ ╲\ │ │
│ / / ╲ ○ │ / ────┤
│ \ ┴─╯ │╱ ╱╭┐╭╮ │
│ ╲╰───────╯ ╱ ││ ╯ │
│ ╲╱ / ╱joke││ │ │
│ \ ╱ ╱ └╯╰╯ │
└╮ \ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 有个男生问我 他帅不帅 │
│ by Bourbaki │
│ │
│ 半小时前 在马路上 有个男生问我 他帅不帅 │
│ 我正犹豫怎么回答不打击他的自信 │
│ 这时候 又个男的冲到我们身边 开始大幅度的呕吐 │
│ 我只好解释:不是我安排的 │
│ ╱ __ ╲ │
│ _ / __ / \ ╲ │
│ / \ / / │ │( │ \╱\ __ │
│ /╲╲ \ │ │(│ │ __ / /╱ _) │
│ ╲ˋ /│ /╲/ ╱ __ │ // ╱ │
│ ╱ │ __︵╭─ \ ╲ ` `─、 ────┤
│ (╱╲__ ╱╭╱│ ╲ ╮ ︵_) ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ (__╱︶ \ \____/ ╱ ││││ │
│ \ / ╱joke││└┼ │
│ ╲ ╱ ╱ └╯ ┴ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ [原创]发一篇关于我老妈的笑话 │
│ by tina031009 │
│ │
│ 除夕前,我老家那边出殡的人特别多, │
│ 一上街至少有两家,妈妈就说 │
│ “唉,到年末了。。。下面也要加紧完成指标啊。。。。” │
│ 年初的时候,还是有些, │
│ 尤其是上街看到了一家新出殡的。。 │
│ 妈妈又感叹说: .───、 │
│ “唉,年初了, ╱ ╲ │
│ 下面又要开始新的目标了。。。。” / \ │
│ / __ _ │ │
│ │ ╱ \ ╱ \│ ────┤
│ \ \___/ \__// ╱╭┐┌┐ │
│ ╲ △ / ╱ ││└┐ │
│ ├┼┼┼┼┤ ╱joke││ │ │
│ ˋ────ˊ ╱ └╯└╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 说个温馨的同学往事 │
│ by pating │
│ │
│ 昨天突然想起来的 │
│ 高中隔壁班,课间休息的时候,有个女生靠着一个男生的课桌再跟人聊天。 │
│ 女生脚踩在课桌的杠上。 │
│ 男生说,你脚拿开,别架在我桌子上 │
│ 女生说,我就架你桌子怎么了,架你是看得起你 │
│ 后来,后来这个女生就嫁给这个男生了。。。 │
│ │
│ .──、 .──、 │
│ ╱ \ ╱ ╲ │
│ /________│/_/__|_\_\_\ ────┤
│ | ○ ○ | `│○ ,○│ ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ ˋ───ˊ /`╱)___╱\ ╱ ││├┐ │
│ / > ″ ︶ > ヾ ╱joke││││ │
│ \__/ ╲__/ ╱ └╯└╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 笑抽了---微博上看到的 │
│ by phage __ ___ │
│ ╱ ╲____╱ ╲ │
│ @我的同事是个2B / ︵ \ │
│ 今儿同事的岳父去世,我们前去吊唁。 │ ( ') ____ ' \ │
│ 一迟到的哥们捂着腮帮子进来,愤愤的说: │ ︶╱。。\ │ │
│ “牙疼,刚从医院出来就打车来这了。 ╲ ╲___╱ ╱ │
│ 上车后我疼得受不了了。 ╲ I'm a tooth╱ │
│ 就躺在后座上了,然后告诉司机去火葬场。 │ __ │ │
│ 那缺德司机对我说: │ / │ / │
│ 兄弟不上别的医院再看看了?” \ │ │ / │
│ \ │ │ / │
│ ╰╯ ╰╯ ────┤
│ ╱╭┐┌┐ │
│ ╱ ││ │ │
│ ╱joke││ │ │
│ ╱ └╯ ┴ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 关于黄浦江开始出现浮水猪的问题zz .──、 │
│ by lookingfw ╰──ˊ │
│ (╲ _____ │
│ 据不可靠消息, .──、__ ╱ ╲ ︵ │
│ 为适应黄浦江开始出产浮水猪的新情况, ︶╱ \ ˋ \ / │
│ 上海开明绅士已组团前往广东, (/ ╱ '_'_ / │
│ 与广东长老探讨珠江地名转让问题, / ╱ \│ │
│ 欲将黄浦江更名为珠江。 │ │0 0│╲ │
│ 广东达人提到,多年来, │ \ ╲__╱│/ │
│ 广东亦困扰于黄浦军校虽在粤地, \ \_╲ ╱│ │
│ 但黄浦江却在上海这一历史的扭曲, \ / │
│ 提出将黄浦江和珠江地名互换。 ╲__ ╱ │
│ 双方一拍即合,不日将报国家地名办。 \ ︵ / ────┤
│ \/ \/ ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ ╱ ││├┤ │
│ ╱joke││││ │
│ ╱ └╯└╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 班里一同学过生日 │
│ by liqiang1988 │
│ │
│ 班里一同学过生日,老师为表示师生情深,带了蛋糕前来跟大家一起庆祝。 │
│ 插好蜡烛,放好生日歌,然后熄灯点烛,然后大家围成一圈许愿。 │
│ 许完愿望后,大家便追问各自许了什么愿,嘻嘻哈哈闹成一片。 │
│ 这时老师发话了:“我最大的愿望是希望你们好好学习,按时交作业……” │
│ 这时一位同学说:“老师,愿望说出来就不灵了……” │
│ │
│ ╱ ╲ │
│ / ||| ╲ \ │
│ │ ╲ \ \ │
│ \ │╲\ ╲ │-、 ────┤
│ ╱ \ │ \ │ ╲ ╱╭┐┌╮ │
│ ╱╲│) \︶ ︶/ / \ ╱╲ ╱ ││││ │
│ ─────/ ╲__︵ ─ˊ ︵___╱ )──── ╱joke││╰┤ │
│ ╰────>>\ \ << ──ˊ ╱ └╯╰┘ │
└╮ ╱_________\______╲ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 解药,,解药给我... ______ │
│ by ADApute _\____/_ │
│ ╲ ╱ │
│ 上次高中同学给我邮寄了一箱槟榔。 │ │ │
│ 一哥们问我是啥, ╱____╲ │
│ 我说是湖南特产。 ╱╱ ╲╲ │
│ 他一听来劲了,硬要尝一点, ││○ ○││ │
│ 好吧,我给他了。。。 │╰┐__┌╯│ │
│ 半个小时后, │ ︵ˋˊ︵ │ │
│ 他居然跑到我宿舍跪在我面前, │(__╲╱__)│ │
│ 真的跪了,满脸通红,额头全是汗, │︵/╱╲\︵│ │
│ 只说了一句话: │\_/ \_/│ │
│ 你给我的是啥, \__________/ ────┤
│ 解药,,解药给我。。。 ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ ╱ │││ │
│ ╱joke │││ │
│ ╱ └┴└╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 最后一片叶子 │
│ by roseven │
│ │
│ 10年前,我有事找我的一位长辈--姑且给个代号叫A吧, │
│ 她开野出租的--发现座机停机了。小灵通,关机。手机,欠费。 │
│ 到其家找人,房子也租出去了。 │
│ 后来在另一长辈家找到了A。她们全家在此寄宿。 ヽ╮ │
│ 问其近况,说车卖了,现赋闲。任何人都看得出她家出了事情了。 ╰┘ │
│ 因其好赌,遂问:你是不是躲赌债啊? │
│ A几乎笑跌,拉着我对其老公大笑到 │
│ :哈哈哈,你说好笑不好笑,小罗居然说我们躲赌债! │
│ 哈哈哈哈… │
│ 我顿时感觉非常惭愧,自己真是小人之心啊。看来是开车出事了。 ────┤
│ 结果她老公愤怒的盯着她,说:你还装! ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ ╱ │ │ │
│ ╱joke │ │ │
│ ╱ └┴└┴ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 怀孕时的反应 .──、 │
│ by nuandashi ╱ ╲ │
│ / ╲/╲__ \ │
│ 过年聚在一起, │ , , │ │ │
│ 讨论怀孕时的反映。 \ _ / / │
│ 姐说: ╱ヾ ╲_╱︳╱ │
│ “我那会老吐。” ││ ╭─ ┤ ╲__ │
│ 当时她闺女就在旁边听着, ││ ╲│ ╱ ╲ │
│ 来了一句: \ \ /╱│ ╱ ___/ │
│ “我有那么恶心吗?” \ \╱│ \╱ \ │ │
│ \__╱> ╱││ │
│ ╱ ︵───╯│ │
│ ╱ 彡︶ ˋ─ˊ ────┤
│ / \ ╱╭┐┌╮ │
│ │ ╲ ╱ │╭╯ │
│ \ \ ╱joke ││ │
│ ╲ │ ╱ └┴╰┘ │
└╮ \ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 无题 │
│ by Chanel │
│ │
│ 我男友长得非常好, _ __ │
│ 是那种公认的帅哥, _________╱/ ____ ╱__) │
│ 因此和我在一起之前非常的花心, ╱.─,┌─┐/ └┐│ ╱╱ │
│ 换女友无数。 / / / / _` │ \/╱ │
│ 当然,现在改了。 ││ │└─┘/ \ / │
│ 我呢,属于那种可爱型的吧 \_) │ / ̄\/ /_ \ │
│ 一日我俩手拉手逛街, / / _ // \│ │
│ 遇到其前任, / /____ (│___╱/ │︳_ │
│ 那二货盯着我看了一会儿, ╱.-──.︶╱/ ╱ └─┘ │
│ 扭头对我男朋友鄙视的说了一句, \_╱ ────┤
│ 报应 ╱╭┐╭╮ │
│ ╱ │ ╯ │
│ ╱joke │ │ │
│ ╱ └┴╰╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 女人真好骗 │
│ by water1111 │
│ │
│ 某销售公司组织客户出去happy, │
│ 不慎遇到扫黄,一客户被抓拘留十五天。 │
│ 客户老婆打电话到公司大骂。 │
│ 销售总监淡定的说: __ │
│ 大哥那天喝多了, ╱ ╱ │ ﹨ │
│ 说嫂子在家坚持开车回去, / / \ | │
│ 结果被查了酒驾。 │ \ / ︳ │
│ 我们通过各种关系才改成嫖娼, \ ╱╱ ╱ │ │ │
│ 不然得坐六个月牢。。。 \/ / / │ \ ▕ │
│ 客户的老婆最后还谢谢了他。 / / / / \ | ────┤
│ 旁边一众销售佩服得五体…… │/ │ │ │ ︳ ╱╭┐╭┐ │
│ \︳ │ \ │ │ ╱ │││ │
│ ╲ \ \ │ / ╱joke │└┼ │
│ │ˋ─ ╲____╲/ ╱ └┴ ┴ │
└╮ / / ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ 还专抄水木joke版 │
│ [原创]关于郭德纲老师名字的由来 再回头一看 │
│ by ghostzb 东西拿错了 │
│ 这时候掌柜的也到了 │
│ 说一哥们 抬眼一看 , │
│ 出门到杂货店买东西 恭喜啊 ╱╲ │
│ 交完钱了 那啥 ╱ ) │
│ 跑来一人 你买的本来是锅 -╲ ╱ │
│ 说你赶紧回家 不过你一着急啊 ︶ │
│ 你老婆给你生了个大胖小子 拿着缸就跑了 │
│ 出来就满嘴灌口 我这拿锅来换来了 │
│ 这哥们一听急了 不过看你们家新添人口 │
│ 抓起东西往家跑 ┌─┐ 这缸就算贺礼了 │
│ 掌柜的也急了 ╭╯ ╰╮ 锅也给你 ────┤
│ 抓起东西后面追 │ │ 正好这孩子没名字啊 ╱╭┐┌┐ │
│ 到家一看 \ / 咋办呢 ╱ │└┐ │
│ 这小子光头 \____/ 得了 ╱joke │ │ │
│ 胖子 白得人家一口缸 ╱ └┴└╯ │
└╮ 会说相声 就叫“锅得缸”得了 ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ Re: 看你们的了,北约考试神题 │
│ by liveon │
│ │
│ 北大女生和清华男生, ●高考 │
│ 入学第一天就用陌陌约上了, │
│ 他们都是本省的高考状元。 ●北大 │
│ 女孩问,我们在哪里见面呢? │
│ 男孩说,在西门吧, │
│ 就是有狮子的那个门, ●清华 │
│ 到那了我打你电话, │
│ 女孩说好。 │
│ 然后那天他们在西门聊了好久, │
│ 电池没电了, ●状元 ────┤
│ 然后就各自回宿舍了。 ╱╭┐┌╮ │
│ ╱ │├┐ │
│ ╱joke │││ │
│ ╱ └┴╰┘ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ __ __ │
│ 羽绒服(原创) __│╱ │__ │
│ by yeung ╲_______╱ │
│ /|..┌┐__ │
│ 其实不好笑 ┌ >﹨/`╱─┘\ │
│ │ ╲|╱_ │ │
│ 早上收拾羽绒服, _ │︳│││ \ │ │
│ 开玩笑说北京这地方的羽绒服就跟元勋高官一样,\\╰-.─ ) \ ︺ │ │ │
│ 退休也得三辞三让的, ˋ─ / \__│_╱\/ │ │
│ (春暖)“臣老迈不堪用,乞骸骨” `── / │ ╲_/ │
│ (倒春寒)“卿乃国之栋梁岂可轻离” │ │ │ │
│ (暖)“臣乞骸骨” │ │ │ │
│ (倒春寒)“朕心念卿甚,请同老” │ \ │ │
│ (暖)“臣乞骸骨” │ │ ────┤
│ (彻底暖了)“赐真空袋加太子太保,准衣锦还乡” │ │ ╱ ╭┐ │
│ ╲__│╱ │ │
│ │ ╱ 小黑屋 │ │
│ ╱ ╱ └┴ │
└╮ └╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 说个独家私房笑话 │
│ by SuperO │
│ /\ _ │
│ 大叔领导酷爱养花, ╲\_// │
│ 什么吊兰、菊花、常春藤、富贵竹都有 ╲│____ │
│ 他换办公室时,不慎肘部受了伤, ╱ \\____╲ │
│ 所以大家都来帮他帮东西 ╱╱ \\ ╲╲ │
│ 一个瘦小的mm费劲地去抱窗台上的一盆花, │/ ││ │
│ 大叔看见了,嚷嚷道: │︳ / / │
│ 哎呀这是我的菊花呀, \╲_______╱╱ │
│ 你哪有力气抱? ╲_______╱/ │
│ 别抱了别抱了,等叫个男的来抱! \ / │
│ mm朝我喊: \______/ ────┤
│ 超哥,你放好东西快来, ╱ ┌┐ │
│ ×处的菊花还没人抱! ╱ ╭╯ │
│ ╱ 小黑屋│ │
│ ╱ └┘ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
┌╯ │
│ 多年后的相遇 │
│ by wwwsmthnet │
│ │
│ 一棵小橡胶树和小白杨树在聊理想, │
│ 小橡胶树说:“我长大要做轮胎,走遍全世界!” │
│ 小白杨树说:“我长大要做成白纸,印上最美的文学作品”。 │
│ 两棵小树在理想的光辉下茁壮成长了。 │
│ 很多年后,一团卫生纸和一个套套在垃圾桶里相谈甚欢。 │
│ ___ │
│ │ _╱_ ╲ │ │ │
│ ╱ ╲ \╲ ︿ /_ │ │ │
│ /╲ │ ╲╲ ╲ \ │ │ │
│ │ ╲ ╱ \ \ / │ │ ────┤
│ ╲ ╲ _\ ╲ │ │ ╱ ┌╮ │
│ / ﹀ / ╱ __╱ \__/ ╱ ╯ │
│ ╲____╱╱ ╱ ∪ ╱ 小黑屋 │ │
│ ╱ ─ ╱ └╯ │
└╮ ╱2013年二三月合刊 │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
看完月刊,记得投票哦~ 总作者 ╱ ╱─┐
__ ─────────── ╱ ╱ ●
__ / ╲ joke Dayin ╱ ╱ __
╱ \ │ ╲ mmjoke ap9 ╱ ╱ /__\
│ \ │ ╲ 小黑屋 bingo ╱ ╱
│ \ ___________\ 刷墙工 halleyhit ╱ ╱ ├─┐
/ ╲ ╱ ╲ ╱ ╱
/ ╲ ╲ ╲ __╱\/\_ └─┤
/ │ ╲ \ ╲______ __\ ____ \
│ \ \ │ \ / o\ \ ╱ ──、 │┬│
\ ╲ │ │ __╱ │o / ╱<_/ ╲ └┴┘
\ / / \╱ ╱ ╲ ●
╲___╱ ╱ ______╱ / \ ╲╱ │
\ \______\ ╱/ ○ ○ \ ╱╲ │
\ / ╱ / _ \ │
\╲ ╱ ╱ ︳ ╱/ \ │
╲╲ ____╱ ╱ ╱│ ╱ │ ▕ │
╱ ╲ˋ──── ╱ ╱ ╱ │ ╲ │ │ │
╲╱ ╲ ╱ ╱ ╱ ︳ ╲︳ │ │
ˋ───ˊ ╱ ╱ ╲ ╱ │
───────────── ╱ ╱ ──── ˋ─────────ˊ ────┘
Sender: bingo It’s dark, message area: Joke
Title: The February and March issue of Talking about Birds No longer Turning Colorful
Sending station: Shuimu Community Thu Apr 18 07:00:51 2013 , within the station
'<
'
,
,
﹨ つ
つ
ノ
< ,
'
. Talking about birds is no longer a color change de
joke February and March 2013
Don’t forget to vote after reading the monthly magazine
[pic]Israeli-style law enforcement
http: www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 1
[pic]I don’t want to start school
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 2
The so-called husband and wife compatibility means that it doesn’t matter if both parties change their faces.
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 3
I’m also going to make water drops and repost them
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 4
Huangpu River Cake Reposted
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 5
Encountered an affair while eating noodles Reposted
http: www.newsmth.net bbsanc.php?p 872 18 14 2 6
mmjoke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
My Weibo Controlling Wife
by KPI
By the way, when the weather is nice, there are many aunts sunbathing in the green space of the community.
One day at noon, my wife and I walked out of the community from the garage and found that it started to rain.
So my wife shouted to the people upstairs that it was raining and the quilts were being collected.
I found that there was no response, so I yelled again
After I heard someone shouting the same thing, I went home satisfied. Finally, someone forwarded it.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
running
by ThinkpadX301
After dinner, I went for a run with my son in the community.
I just came downstairs and was about to start running. My son asked me how many laps to run.
I casually said that I would run until I was disabled.
After running around for a while, my son stopped and I said, keep going.
My son put his hands on his knees and said breathlessly, "I'm scrapped..."
I... have black lines all over my head
.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
send group message
by hemlock
Send me the New Year greetings text message that my little one sent me
I think it's okay
So I changed my name and sent it to my friends and family.
After a while, I received a small reply.
It's your uncle's fault. You copied my homework when you were a kid.
When you grow up and copy my text messages, how dare you send them back?
...
.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
A boy asked me if he was handsome
by Bourbaki
Half an hour ago, a boy asked me on the street if he was handsome.
I was hesitating about how to answer without hurting his confidence.
At this time, another man rushed to us and started vomiting violently.
I had to explain that it was not arranged by me.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
[Original] Post a joke about my mother
by tina031009
Before New Year's Eve, there were a lot of funerals in my hometown.
As soon as I walked into the street, there were at least two families, and my mother said
Alas, it’s the end of the year. I have to work harder to meet the targets.
At the beginning of the year, there were still some
Especially when I went to the street and saw a new funeral
Mom sighed again.
Alas, it’s the beginning of the year
Now we have to start a new goal
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Tell a warm story about a classmate
by patting
I suddenly remembered it yesterday
In the next class in high school, during recess, a girl was leaning against a boy's desk and chatting with someone.
The girl's feet are on the desk
The boy said, take your feet away and don’t put them on my desk.
The girl said, "What's wrong with me just setting up a table with you? I'm setting you up because I think highly of you."
Later, this girl married this boy.
. .
,
> > ヾ joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
I laughed so much. I saw it on Weibo.
byphage
@My colleague is a 2B
Today, my colleague's father-in-law passed away. We went to express our condolences. ' '
The guy who was late came in holding his cheek and said angrily
I have a toothache. I just came out of the hospital and took a taxi here.
After I got in the car, I couldn't bear the pain. I'm a tooth
Just lie down in the back seat and tell the driver to go to the crematorium.
The wicked driver said to me
Brother, don’t go to another hospital to check again.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Regarding the problem of floating pigs starting to appear in the Huangpu Riverzz.
by lookingfw
According to unreliable information.
In order to adapt to the new situation of floating pigs starting to be produced in the Huangpu River
Enlightened gentlemen from Shanghai have organized a group to go to Guangdong ' '
Discussing the transfer of Pearl River place names with Guangdong elders
Want to rename Huangpu River to Pearl River 0 0
Guangdong experts mentioned that over the years
Guangdong is also troubled by the fact that the Huangpu Military Academy is located in Guangdong
But the Huangpu River is a distortion of Shanghai’s history.
It is proposed to interchange the place names of Huangpu River and Pearl River
The two sides hit it off immediately and will soon report to the National Geographical Names Office
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
A classmate in the class celebrates his birthday
by liqiang1988
It was the birthday of a classmate in the class. To show the deep love between teachers and students, the teacher brought a cake to celebrate with everyone.
Put in the candles, play the birthday song, then turn off the lights and light the candles, and then everyone gathers in a circle to make wishes.
After making their wishes, everyone asked what they had wished for, and they were all laughing and joking.
At this time the teacher spoke. My biggest wish is that you study hard and hand in your homework on time.
At this time, a classmate said, "Teacher, if you say your wish, it won't work."
joke
>> <<
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Antidote Give me the antidote...
by ADApute
Last time, a high school classmate mailed me a box of betel nuts.
A buddy asked me what it was
I said it’s a specialty of Hunan
When he heard it, he was so excited that he insisted on having a taste.
Okay I gave it to him
half an hour later
He actually ran to my dormitory and knelt in front of me
I really knelt down, my face was red and my forehead was covered with sweat.
Only said one sentence
What did you give me?
Antidote Give me the antidote
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
last leaf
by roseven
10 years ago, I had something to do with one of my elders. Let’s call him A.
She rented it out and found that the landline was down, the PHS was turned off, and the mobile phone was in arrears.
I went to his house to look for someone and the house was rented out.
Later, I found A at another elder’s house. Their whole family stayed here ヽ
Asked about her current situation, she said her car was sold and she was currently unemployed. Anyone could tell that something was wrong with her family.
Because he likes to gamble, I asked if you were hiding from gambling debts.
A almost burst out laughing and pulled me to laugh at her husband.
Hahaha, do you think it’s funny or not? Ronaldinho actually said we were hiding from gambling debts.
Ha ha ha ha
I suddenly felt very ashamed. I was really a villain. It seemed that I had an accident while driving.
As a result, her husband stared at her angrily and said, "Are you still pretending?"
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Reactions during pregnancy.
by nuandashi
Get together during the New Year, ,
Reflections on discussing pregnancy
Sister said ヾ
I would always vomit
At that time, her daughter was listening next to her
Here comes a word
Am I that disgusting?
>
彡
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
untitled
by Chanel
My boyfriend is very good looking
He's the kind of guy who's generally recognized as handsome.
Therefore, he was very flirtatious before he got together with me. ,
Changed countless girlfriends
Of course it's changed now
I am the cute type, right?
One day we were shopping hand in hand
met his ex
That idiot stared at me for a while...
He turned around and said something contemptuously to my boyfriend.
retribution
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Women are so easy to deceive
by water1111
A sales company organizes customers to go out and have fun
A client accidentally encountered during the anti-pornography campaign was arrested and detained for 15 days
The client’s wife called the company and yelled at her
The sales director said calmly
Big brother drank too much that day﹨
He said that his sister-in-law was at home and insisted on driving back.
As a result, I was found guilty of drunk driving.
We changed to prostitution through various relationships
Otherwise you will have to go to jail for six months
The client’s wife thanked him in the end
The salesmen next to me were very impressed.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Also specially copied the Mizuki joke version
[Original] Looking back on the origin of teacher Guo Degang’s name
by ghostzb I took the wrong thing
At this time, the shopkeeper also arrived.
Say it, buddy, look up,
I went out to the grocery store to buy something. Congratulations.
After paying the money, what's next?
Someone came over. What you bought was a pot.
I told you to go home quickly, but you are in a hurry
Your wife gave birth to a big fat boy for you and ran away with the tank.
When I came out, I gulped it all down. I gave you the pot in exchange for it.
This guy got anxious when he heard that. But look at the new addition to your family.
I grabbed my things and ran home. This tank is considered a gift.
The shopkeeper is also anxious. I'll give you the pot too.
Grab something and chase after it. It just so happens that this kid doesn’t have a name.
What should I do when I get home?
This guy is bald. What a joke.
Fat man gets a bucket for free
If you can speak cross talk, you can call it "Guo De Vang". Come on. Issued in February and March 2013.
Re: It’s up to you. NATO exam questions
by liveon
Peking University girls and Tsinghua boys college entrance examination
I made an appointment on Momo on my first day of school.
They are all top scorers in the provincial college entrance examination, Peking University
The girl asked where should we meet?
The boy said, at Ximen Bar
It’s the door with the lion. Tsinghua University
I'll call you when I get there
girl said yes
Then they chatted for a long time at Ximen that day
The battery is dead, champion
Then we each went back to the dormitory.
joke
Combined issue of February and March 2013
down jacket original
by yeung
..
It’s not funny actually >﹨
Pack your down jacket in the morning
I joke that the down jackets in Beijing are just like those of senior officials.
Even if you retire, you have to give in and give in three times.
Spring is warm, the minister is old and useless, begging for bones
It's cold in spring. How can I leave you so lightly when you are the pillar of the country?
Nuan Chen begs for bones
It's cold in spring, I miss you very much. Please stay with me.
Nuan Chen begs for bones
Completely warmed up, given a vacuum bag and the prince's personal security, ready to return home in fine clothes
small dark room
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Tell an exclusive private joke
by SuperO
Uncle leader loves to grow flowers
There are all kinds of spider plants, chrysanthemums, ivy and lucky bamboos.
When he was changing offices, he accidentally injured his elbow.
So everyone came to help him with things
A thin girl struggled to hold a pot of flowers on the windowsill
The uncle saw it and shouted:
Oh, this is my chrysanthemum
How can you have the strength to hug me?
Stop hugging me. Stop hugging me. Wait until I call a man to hug you.
mm shouted to me
Brother Chao, put your things away and come quickly
No one has hugged the chrysanthemum here yet
small dark room
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Meeting after many years
bywwwsmthnet
A small rubber tree and a small poplar tree are talking about their ideals
The little rubber tree said: When I grow up, I want to make tires and travel around the world.
The little poplar tree said that when I grow up, I want to make it into a piece of white paper and print the most beautiful literary works on it.
Two small trees thrived under the light of ideals
Many years later, a wad of toilet paper and a condom were chatting happily in the trash can.
small dark room
Combined issue of February and March 2013
Remember to vote after reading the monthly magazine. Chief author
joke Dayin
mmjoke ap9
black room bingo
wall painter halleyhit
o
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