Sender: cu0 sodium thiosulfate, message area: Joke Title: [Advanced Edition] 2009 Annual Issue in the Year of the Ox Sending site: Shuimu Community Thu Feb 11 23:22:10 2010 , within the site Unforgettable in the Year of the Ox VV >> king >> oo Porridge Annual V V ,, Joke’s publishing team wishes everyone a happy new year,,,, ,, . > , king Part I MMJoke Recommended oo V V [Collection] Please, can anyone help me Photoshop out the two monsters on the background? ygs http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 48909 Zhongguancun train shandali http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 50875 If the world became simple NHivNOiii http: www.newsmth.net bbscon.php?bid 872&id 52168 Along the River During the Qingming Festival: The Urban Management Is Here Version wenziwang http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 52636 Super NB and super funny answer sheet itzac http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 57073 VV >> > > 01 king Part I MMJoke Recommended oo V V Share Jiangsu College Entrance Examination’s Excellent Essay Papers bluefeeling http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 59403 You little brat, you dare to cut me? yoo http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62090 Mahjong is also a sport geniesoul http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 66430 Merry Christmas in advance withinsea http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 70459 [FLV]Don’t think blindly wendyyjw http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 589 VV >> > > 02 king Part I MMJoke Recommended oo V V [FLV] A medley of classic childhood animations NotBusy http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 591 http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 592 This is how the game works nullspace http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 593 [FLV]An embarrassing cat laughed so much that it was reposted by yoo http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 594 [swf]Laundry day keren http:www.newsmth.netbbsanc.php?p 872 9 584 VV >> > > 01 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V The romance of two kicks by luanma Last night, I came out of the subway at about 10 o'clock. There were no people around and there were very few cars. I saw a couple walking on the horseback. I was dawdling on the curb. Since the surroundings were quiet, I could hear their words more clearly. Female: Today is my birthday. What romantic gift have you prepared for me? Man, how about I ask the building opposite to light up the lights for you and all the cars to honk their horns for you? Female, you are so capable of lying. Without saying anything, the man took out a two-kicker from somewhere and put it on the roadside and lit it. Just listen to the two thumps, which are extremely loud in the quiet night. Then all the voice-controlled lights in the building opposite are shaken. It came on. The whole building was brightly lit. The alarm of the car parked downstairs was shaken and screamed. The result is that the woman smiles wildly and happily falls into the man's arms. VV >> > > 02 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I was caught praying for rain during the Spring Festival zz tymyd Original by CPU@NewExpress It didn't rain in Shandong all winter. The old ladies in the village organized a rain prayer and asked seven children and seven virgins to participate in the village. My wife was relatively small and I found that I didn’t have enough virginity. I was caught and counted, but I was a bit older. VV >> > > 03 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Send a mm joke by kimShell I wasn’t in the same school as mm when I was studying. One weekend, my sister came over to play and was about to go back to school. Suddenly she asked me if she could skip school and stay for two more days. How to answer? Say yes, Sima Zhaozhi said. Say no, it would be dishonest. While having an ideological struggle, mm took out her left hand and started to snap her fingers. Go to class, don’t go, go to class, don’t go, go to class...?? Then he paused for a moment, took out his other hand and continued, no, go to class, no, go to class, no. VV >> > > 04 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Hey, raising a male cat can also produce an extra kitten. Embarrassing zz by wenziwang Because my mom thinks that raising a female cat to give birth to kittens will cause trouble because she can’t afford to raise them and is reluctant to give them away. It’s very sad. Unfortunately, both cats and dogs at home are male. But it's so embarrassing The brief story of what happened is that one morning a colorful female cat brought an approximately 2-month-old cat with her. The little white cat came to my house. Later, the mother cat went back and the kitten was left behind. During this period, the little white cat disappeared for half a day. Half a day later, the calico female cat came to my house again, and the kitten was left behind again, and has been living there for more than a month. My mommy has been depressed for a while. I never expected it. Raising a male cat can also produce an extra kitten, and there will actually be a female cat A cat comes to the door with a kitten and throws the kitten to the male cat VV >> > > 05 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Alas, if God does evil, he will live. If a cat does evil, he will not live. VV >> > > 06 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Four Rhymes of Nostalgia by westgua When buying tickets Nostalgia is a narrow window I'm outside And the ticket seller is inside When you can’t buy a ticket Nostalgia is a pink ticket I'm behind And the ticket seller is in front VV >> >> 07 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V When driving Nostalgia is a small backpack I'm outside And the temporary residence permit is inside Got on the bus Nostalgia is a full carriage I'm here And the toilet is over there VV >> >> 08 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V About driving by NHivNOiii A bunch of old classmates were having dinner together, and they were all boys. One of them, Mr. A, had just gotten married, so everyone started teasing him. Marathon love with mm, Mr. B, who lives together, you are different. Now you have a driving license, but you must do it. Be careful, don't kill anyone casually Others, you should be more careful when driving without a license. It will be even more uncontrollable if you cause lives. As a single Mr. C, I think it’s much better to walk. Not only does it cost money to buy a car, but it’s even more troublesome to maintain a car. A just smiles and doesn't say anything B Yes, yes, but no matter how troublesome it is, sooner or later you have to buy it and get a certificate, right? At this time Mr. D had just come back from the bathroom and heard the conversation. I quickly agree with C’s point of view, which car should I buy? VV >> >> 09 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V There are so many taxis on the street, why don't you just reach out and hail one? After two seconds of silence, the crowd burst into laughter D was confused and innocently said to A, "What do you mean? If anything happens, I can just touch your car." VV >> > > 10 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I also want the annual by armroe I have been thinking for a long time to tell you something about my childhood for the annual magazine. I don’t know if it’s a joke. A small town in the last century. When I was a primary school student in the city, I had a classmate and neighbor who loved plums and boiled horses. She was ppmm. She lived in No. 2 I live on the fourth floor. The two study rooms are on a vertical line. I'm quite shy and don't dare to talk to ppmm. But one day she came to me and said that she didn't do well in math. It was very difficult to solve the problem and she asked me if there was any way I could help her. Of course face-to-face tutoring would not work. I thought hard for a long time and thought. Come up with a good idea, let her open the window, rush home every day to finish her math homework, and hang her homework on a fishing rod. Put the notebook down and she would take it in for reference. When the reference was finished, she would hang up the notebook and pull the check mark three times. I'll close the thread We have been in this tacit understanding for a long time, and occasionally we can catch apples, bananas, etc. as reward. During that time, adults Everyone praised me for being self-motivated and going into the study to study as soon as I came back. However, they didn’t know that there were times when I came home late because of fun and didn’t catch up. The next day, I would be stabbed with cold eyes for a long time. Just unconscious Finally one day I put the line down and it took me a long time to wait VV >> > > 11 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V didn’t come up. There seemed to be some movement downstairs. I felt something was wrong. Finally, the line moved a few more times. I hurriedly collected it and found a note in the book. It said I am her father. If you dare to seduce me again, My daughter, tell your dad and see how he deals with you. Also, practice your handwriting. You can write like a ghost. !! After being cold for a long time, I took a closer look and saw a small note hanging on the fishing line. When I took it off and took a look, it said "Sorry" Si, I'm on the third floor. I've been paying attention to you two for a long time. You guys finally fell into trouble today, hahaha. VV >> > > 12 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V It took me several days to see her after that. Her eyes were red and she was staring at me as if she was holding something back. Suddenly I couldn't hold it back and started crying. I was troubled by various rumors for a long time and became notorious in school. VV >> > > 13 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V makeup skills are so good by shulammite When we went that day, there was a couple taking wedding photos. The men and women had their makeup done separately. After the woman finished her makeup, she sat outside and waited. When the man saw the man coming out, he smiled and waved to him. As a result, the man also smiled at her and continued walking. VV >> > > 14 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I was so happy that the hundred yuan I got was gone by calle The day before yesterday, I just entered the house and found a one hundred dollar bill on the table in the living room. I usually don’t have much pocket money. Could it be that this time my mother showed mercy and gave me a hundred yuan pocket money? I can't help but feel happy But when I picked up the one hundred dollar bill, I found a note underneath. It says: Today is grandma’s birthday. Wait for me at home. Let’s go to celebrate grandma’s birthday together. Note that the hundred yuan is not for you. It is to attract your attention. Please put it back where it belongs. VV >> > > 15 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Lufthansa’s little sister is so talented by touba A foreigner in the company has been working in China for too long. His mother-in-law said that he wanted to come over and see the great rivers and mountains of China. Our foreign colleague was so anxious that he was sweating because his mother-in-law, an old Italian woman, could not speak English and had never flown before. machine Let me help you call Air China and ask if it has any kind of service to assist with boarding and customs clearance. Air China Say no I called Lufthansa and the person who answered the phone was a young girl. My dear, the direct flight from Milan to Shanghai is too expensive. Why don’t I exchange it for you? A round trip transfer from Frankfurt. The air ticket is cheaper than your one-way ticket Oh, let me ask. It’s okay to transfer, but I don’t speak English and I’ve never been on a plane. Old lady, what can you do to help? Little mm, how about this? You let her touch me Ask for a wheelchair at our service desk, sit in it, and take your ticket to VV >> > > 16 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Check-in counter In this case, our waiter will think that she is incapacitated and will assist. She takes care of everything How about I get on the plane and go through immigration and other customs? Little mm will be fine, but you must remind her not to stand up from the wheelchair. I ok As a result, the old lady came to Shanghai in a wheelchair. The Lufthansa stewardess helped her complete all the procedures. When she arrived at the international exit, the old lady stood up impatiently and rushed towards the smiling man who had been waiting for a long time. The son-in-law left a stunned stewardess. VV >> > > 17 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Senior Sister’s Temptation 2 x by PatoMilan The Temptation of Senior Sister 2 Feelings My roommate and senior sister are finally living together. It’s rare that they come back to have a meal with us. I talked about them and a group of colleagues last weekend. Real person jokes about playing real CS: Because it was the first time for everyone to play, I felt that time passed quickly. The afternoon passed without realizing it. It was over. At this time, the coach asked everyone to express their feelings. The first young man said, "It's so tiring, but it feels good. Her girlfriend." Standing next to him, he said that the time was too short and he had to come earlier next time. The second buddy said that my wife is too fierce. My wife then said, "Like you, you know how to stay. It's the roommate's turn." What he said was that I was so happy to get it. Victory, I will try using a sniper rifle next time, the coach said. VV >> > > 18 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V What you are talking about now is actually how you felt during the wedding night. What you are talking about now is actually how you felt during the wedding night. What you are talking about now is actually how you felt during the wedding night. Everyone was on their feet with laughter. Only the senior sister looked ugly. It turned out that what the senior sister said was VV >> >> 19 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V The coach is so good to me The coach is so good to me The coach is so good to me The coach is so good to me The coach is so good to me The coach is so good to me VV >> > > 20 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V The company laid off employees and encountered a shocking scene zz by ActionWind Original post ChengYa0j1n@WorkLife A few days ago, the company laid off employees. I was dragged by HR to talk to the employees and I was given n1 compensation. When talking about a fresh graduate A, he encountered a surprising problem. Due to company development, strategic goals, budget and other reasons, I would like to lay the groundwork first. The company has no choice but to make decisions. decision to adjust staff A I understand that the current environment is not good. Me, who says no? So you can have some better choices. The company decides to give you n 1 compensation because You are a fresh graduate and have worked for less than 1 year. The company will give you Your 3 months compensation. To be honest, I think the conditions Not bad. I don’t have to work for 3 months. VV >> > > 21 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V A I also understand the company, but I am pregnant now, so the company needs to reconsider this issue. I was shocked. What? What? Didn’t you just graduate? Why are you pregnant? HR spoke at a critical moment. The specific situation of pregnancy cannot be explained verbally. It requires examination and certification from the hospital. bright A I brought it. I have a certificate from a tertiary hospital. I'm even more dizzy. I usually carry this with me to work. HR said that we need to reconsider this issue... ..VV >> > > 22 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V In the end, this girl got 23 months of compensation. She was pregnant for 2 months, so 8 months, 12 months of lactation, 3 months. moon It was so cool. This girl took the money and treated everyone in the department to a feast. VV >> >> 23 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V The boss who sells rabbits by xiaofeizi A couple and a 7 or 8-year-old girl passed by a street stall selling rabbits and hamsters. The little girl looked at it. The couple looked at the cute rabbit and wanted to buy it. The couple didn’t want to buy it for the little girl. The little girl burst into tears. The boss selling the rabbit was also there. To add fuel to the fire, the couple was asked to buy. Later, the father took the little girl to eat ice cream and bullied her. The mother hesitated. Zhong So I asked the boss if the rabbit was clean and if it would die. The boss said it wouldn’t die. Don’t worry. The mother said again that if the rabbit died, it would be bad for her daughter to be sad. At this time, the boss said that for the child I have the most experience in education issues. If the rabbit lives, it will educate the child about love, so that she will have love from an early age. If the rabbit dies, let the children know that there is death in the world. It is also a sad education. My mother said that if the rabbit is killed, The child is completely disabled. The boss said that it proves that the child is cruel and can do great things. Mom bought a rabbit and left with an embarrassed expression VV >> > > 24 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I just took a taxi by feelings My wife and I were sitting in the back seat of a taxi. When the taxi was approaching, I asked how much it was. The driver said 18, and my wife dug into her bag and paid for it. Money I happened to have some change in my pocket, so I took out a 20 and gave it to the driver. I said to my wife, "Don't look for it, old man." My mother-in-law didn’t respond yet. I just heard the driver say, “Thank you, I* & & %” VV >> >> 25 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Take a ride and ask Auntie what kind of bars you are by biu By the way, little Biu is going to take a dance class today Then who asked? Isn’t he a little boy? Why are he still taking dance classes? Brother Biu replied, what? He’s not a little girl in the dance classes. There are so many children. Create more opportunities for them. Don’t let your children lose at the starting line. End of voiceover. Little Biu's mother worked overtime today and had no time to pick up the child, so she asked the mother of one of Little Biu's classmates to help take her home. I have seen her too. She lives nearby. She is a very kind and kind fat lady. She drives an Excelle. On the way back, little Biu took the passenger seat and asked Auntie what level you were on. Auntie is a bit confused. What kind of criticism can she say? Xiao Biu said that he was just asking how many lines you have. Auntie thought she was the squadron leader or something like that in school. Just talk about me, no leverage Little biu said it’s impossible VV >> > > 26 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Auntie said okay, okay, I am the Three Stripes Little Biu said, well, that’s pretty much it. As he spoke, he lifted up his coat, bowed, pointed at the folds of flesh on his belly and said, "Look, I'm doing both." Too bad VV >> >> 27 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Untitled by Lucarelli When I was visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier counting a pile of coins very seriously. A child ran by, singing as he ran. A group of ducks passed by under the bridge in front of the door. Come on, count them. Two, four, six, seven, eight. Then the cashier was very depressed and threw back the half-counted coins and counted them again. VV >> >> 28 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I was scared to death just now. zz by moonful original work xoXox@WorkLife We were chatting in Shuimu, but then the leader suddenly sent a message on MSN. That conversation The box suddenly popped up and I originally lost, fuck dude begone!" and I sent it right away.... At that time, I was dumbfounded. Now it’s over. Suddenly, I was so anxious that I entered the following characters and sent it quickly. go fuck dude check this website out: http: www.chickischick.com index U will like it Then after a while, the leader came over from next door. Xiao U, come over and have something to do. By the way, you are addicted to MSN. Come on, let’s kill it with poison. I sweat 0 0 VV >> >> 29 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V A very fast chicken zz by wowow A farm owner had a chicken that ran very fast All the tourists who came to visit rushed to see how fast it ran One day a rich man came to the farm and saw this chicken The rich man was very excited and planned to pay for it. The rich man said to the farm owner, I will buy your chicken for 100,000 yuan. I saw the farm owner looking troubled The rich man immediately said, "Is it too little? That two hundred thousand?" half a million one million Every time the rich man adds money, the farm owner’s face becomes more and more expressionless. ugly The rich man couldn't bear it anymore and asked VV directly >> > > 30 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I've paid so much, why don't you sell me? The farm owner replied slowly VV >> > > 31 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Can't catch... VV >> > > 32 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Long time no see Wei X by ffn I don’t understand the rules here. I don’t know if this is considered a micro-X or a giant-X. I just met mm back then, and I was still quite innocent. Of course, I was far from the ws I am now. Once, I was studying with my sister. She was reading a book while I was using her notebook next to me. I was bored and flipped through the hard drive. In an extremely hidden place, I found a folder with three letters in the name. I clicked in and saw three letters. folder The first name is JJ, the second name is KJ, and the third name is SJ. I was a little confused at that time because of the nature of ws. I clicked on the three folders respectively. As I expected, they were all filled with dozens of megabytes of video files. But when When I was in the study room, I didn’t dare to continue opening the video file. VV >> > > 33 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I was full of doubts. I looked sideways at my sister’s pretty face and thought to myself, I just came out. Dao soon, maybe you have met an expert, right? Although I heard that some girls have such hobbies, but these three end with J It's really shocking to see the vocabulary in front of me. Besides, a small breach of integrity can be a big shame. Later, I secretly opened mm's computer when no one was around, and secretly clicked on those videos with excitement. Frequency Suddenly it dawned on me. Then I looked back and saw that the name of the general folder turned out to be CPA, and it used goo. Only now did I know the meaning of CPA. I also learned that mm signed up for three courses at that time. I also learned that some short videos were called courseware Later, I asked mm for some information and just to join in the fun, I said that I would study CPA with her. One day she was at m Sn uploaded a JJ.rar file to me and then typed a sentence that I will never forget. I'm also watching JJ now. When it's almost done, I'll give you KJ and SJ. Just forget it. Yesterday I made a review plan for mm for the last two months of this year. Wish her success in passing the exam VV >> > > 34 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V There is no limit to depravity by toosiki Our predecessors were like this, and it is normal for us to be decadent in college. There is such a record in Hu Shi’s Diary of Studying Abroad, to the following effect ... July 4th I started this new diary to urge myself to work harder next semester. I must first finish reading the Shakespeare at hand. Henry VIII... VV >> > > 35 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V July 13 play cards July 14 play cards July 15 play cards VV >> > > 36 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V July 16 Hu Shizhi, Hu Shizhi, how could you be so depraved? Have you forgotten the study plan you made earlier? Confucius said I have to examine myself three times every day...I can't go on like this anymore July 17 play cards July 18 play cards VV >> >> 37 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Transformers by qclf A man with a big and square head was driving home one day. He encountered a traffic jam and waited for a long time. Then he opened the roof of the car. He stretched out his head through the skylight to take a look. At this moment, a child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted, "Look, the Autobots are about to transform." Got it VV >> > > 38 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V blow TT X, reproduced zz by franklin During the summer vacation, the counselor organized our classmates who stayed in school to go out together, 9 boys and 12 girls. We went to beautiful places I stayed at a hotel on the mountain for the night. Because boys are odd numbers, I asked for a room alone. It's really nice to stay in a hotel on the mountain. There is nature outside the balcony. The only drawback is that there is no poultry service here. But there are two boxes of TT on the bedside table in the room. They are very exquisite and come in a pack of three. I was so busy that I sat on the balcony and played TT in the middle of the night. After six blows, I went to bed. I gave my room card to the counselor at noon. After the counselor checked out, everyone was about to leave when the damn intercom came from the front desk in the lobby. the voice of the cleaning aunt Two boxes of TT for consumption in room 217 repeat, two boxes of TT for consumption in room 217 I was shocked at that time. Why did the hotel still charge for TT? The whole class looked at me with various eyes I was so embarrassed that I wanted to die. VV >> >> 39 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V The counselor was very calm and took the initiative to pay the money. When I walked out of the door, the counselor asked me quietly where I found two boxes in this barren mountain. It was amazing. I'm really aggrieved On the way back to the car, I received a text message from a girl in my class. You get two boxes a night VV >> > > 40 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Goku, are you leaving? ZZ by lavender2390 A close friend of mine Students from elementary school to high school are not allowed to wear makeup. When I got to university, I was finally liberated This girl has a strong learning ability, so she has a lot of free time, and her parents also give her a lot of pocket money. So I came up with the idea of ​​putting on makeup and put it into practice. Her favorite thing is eye shadow, and she is quite bold and dares to put any color on her face. Women all know that when they first start learning makeup, due to their lack of proficiency, they often end up with scary-looking faces. now Her mother has never made any positive or negative comments about her makeup, just let her do whatever she wants. Finally one day, she put on an extremely exaggerated eye shadow and prepared to go out to class. Her mother saw it and hesitated for a while and asked her Wukong, you have to leave VV >> > > 41 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V I am very conflicted. Please help me to see if I should break up. zz by MITdreaming Original Mondo@Love I saw a joke on joke a few days ago. The main idea was that gg and mm went shopping and mm fell in love with a down jacket and couldn’t bear to part with it. I have to buy it. gg asked me to try it on. When mm was trying on clothes, gg paid secretly. When mm came out, he pulled her and ran away, saying that he took advantage of the clerk. I didn’t notice that I didn’t have to pay for walking through. It scared my sister to tears. Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, and on a whim I wanted to imitate it. When I pulled mm and ran away, mm ran away with me decisively. Then I couldn't act anymore. Now mm still feels that I have taken over. What a bargain. I didn’t dare to show her the receipt. I feel like there is something wrong with mm’s character, so everyone is asking me whether we should break up or not. ah VV >> > > 42 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Someone used anti-wolf spray on me last night. I was really embarrassed. zz caca13  Let me get straight to the point. It’s really uncomfortable to be depressed. I can’t tell the people around me about such an embarrassing thing. explain 具体经过是这样的 昨天晚上和几个好久不见的朋友吃消夜 大家都挺高兴的 吃吃喝喝的聊到了11点 我这人肠胃不好 稍微不注意就容易拉肚子 果然酒还 没喝完肚子就疼起来了 本来想就在这解决的 不巧餐馆的厕所堵了 看的我差点 把刚吃的吐出来 好在吃饭的地方离家不远 看看时间也不早了 就和朋友们告辞 拦了辆车回家 一上出租车肚子就开始揪心的疼 那个难受就别提了 后悔刚才没解决 因为 我住在大学的家属区里 回去的时候已经1 1点多了 学校的大门也关了 的士进不 去只好下车往里走 VV > > > > 43 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 有必要让大家知道一下我住的地方 进了学校往左拐是学 生宿舍和教学区 往右拐是家属区 家属区就一条路 我家就在家属区的最深处 从大门走进去也不算远 大概5分钟就到了 不过到了晚上路很黑 没来过的人走 起来还是有点怕人的 一下车我就立马往家走 因为注意力都集中在屁股上也不敢跑 刚拐一个弯看 见前边有个矮个的年轻女人也在往里走 我也没在意继续走我的 那女人回头看了 我一眼马上加快脚步 我知道她估计没把我当好人 要是平时碰见这种情况我大概 就原地等等 免得弄些不必要的误会 但是当时实在是肚子疼的要命 要在等等估 计就出来了 形势所迫我决定走快点 超过那个女的 没想到那女的迈开小短腿越 走越快 我也加快脚步 这下好了那女人走两步就回头看我一眼 手也放进包里 当时我以为她是快到家了在拿钥匙 最后已经是小跑了 于是我也走的更快 离她也越来越近 现在想想我满身的 酒气让她更加坚定了我不是好人 就快 超过他的时候她突然把手从包里抽了出来 VV > > > > 44 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 还拿了个东西对着我 当时虽然路灯很混暗我还是立马反映过来 是防狼喷雾剂 下意识的用手挡了一下 但脸上 眼睛里还是火烧似的疼 眼睛也 睁不开了 又感觉脑袋上重重的挨了一下 当时我是又惊又怒的 低着头一只手用 袖子擦眼睛一只手抓住那女人 心想这可不能让这婊 子跑了 那女人已经是半疯 狂状态 一边用一种非正常人能发出的声音大喊 抓色狼拉 救命啊 一边手脚也没闲着对着我是拳打脚踢 我眼睛疼的不行 还得用力 做提肛运动 对她的拳脚是完全没有招架能力 混乱中小DD又狠狠的挨了一下 我 终于没有把住下边的的关口 惨叫了一声松开了手 那女人也边叫边跑了 这时周围的居民楼里已经有好多灯亮起来了 我到是冷静下来 在这个家属 区住了20几年 基本上都是熟人 要是让人看见我这副德行我怕是得搬家了 只好 努力支撑起身往家里跑 好在路上没有人 一路跑到楼下终于是支撑不住 身上的 味道再混上防狼喷雾剂的味道混合起来是 一种不知道怎么形容的恶心 我哇哇的吐 了一大堆 越吐越觉得恶心 越恶心越想 VV > > > > 45 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 吐 终于把晚上吃的全倒了出来红红绿绿的一大堆 勉强支撑着 上了楼 家里人都睡了 我悄悄的把身上清理干净 把内裤直接装在塑料袋里扔了 出去 用肥皂把脸洗了又洗 整理完了才躺上床 但眼睛还是疼的厉害 一晚上都 没睡成 第二天一大早我就带了个墨镜搭车去了离家比较远的一家医院检查 医生诊 断是双眼轻微灼伤 开了两瓶眼药水 点了一下好了很多 中午回到家关上门就 准备睡觉 这时楼上的黄大妈和隔壁个单元的李阿姨来我家串门拉家常 听见我妈 说 不知道谁在门栋口吐了一大堆 真是够缺德的 李阿姨 这算什么 小鲁的老婆昨天在楼下碰见色狼了 黄大妈 可不是么 不过那女人 也真够狠的 听说那色狼的屎都给她打出 来了 VV > > > > 46 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 早上上班电梯里 by SmartOuch 一哥们儿从包里掏出手机看时间 然后小声嘟囔了一句 我艹 大家目光都朝他看去 以为他迟到了 结果发现 他手里拿着一个空调遥控器 VV > > > > 47 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 老版是垃圾 by ddl 下午在实验室 师妹背对着门口在看新版射雕 一师兄过去就说老版好看 经典? 师妹则争说新版好看 师兄笑 喜新厌旧 找不到bf的 师妹怒 嗓门大了 起来 我就不喜欢老版 老版就是垃圾 我一眼瞥见老板拿手帕擦了擦额头 上的汗 把刚跨进实验室的脚缩了回去 VV > > > > 48 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 切割包皮的喧事 zz by zheng8114356 原作 北邮人论坛 看了上位仁兄发的切割包皮的帖子 不由得想起我的一位同学 男性 医学院 的 话说朗朗阿狗 在这位仁兄大三的时候 学校组织他们班级去某所医院实习 实习内容为外科手术 一日 在和导师闲聊的时候 导师无意说了一句 如果你们将来有谁要做手 术的 过来找我 我去说说 价格可以优惠很多 这位仁兄突然联想到自己包皮 过长 于是想趁机割掉 也能省点money 于是羞涩的向导师提起此事 导师一拍 大腿说道 这点小事还用花钱 免费给你做了 于是立刻安排体检验血 并定 好手术日期 手术当日 这位仁兄做好万全准备 脱掉裤子 躺在病床上等待手术 导师走 进来仔细看了手术部位 突然说道 我 忘了一件事情 你稍等十分钟 马上回来 给你做 说罢 转身冲出门去 VV > > > > 49 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 不多时 这位仁兄突然听到手术室外人声鼎沸 中间还有导 师的大嗓门 各位同学 这次观摩机会非常难得 一般来说 包皮手术涉及到病 人隐私 是不让学生观摩的 不过今天做手术的是自己人 大家这么熟了 就无所 谓了 但是一定要保证秩序啊 这位仁兄正在惊诧时 就看见全班同学包括二十来个女同学一下子就围在他的 手术台前 那场面是相当壮观啊 大家都非常仔细的观看了他的手术部位 很多人 还指指点点一下 他的导师为了让大家看的更清楚 把手术部位反复拨弄 而且手 术每一步骤都详细讲解 而这位仁兄当时想死的心都有了 后来 这位仁兄毕业了 改行当兽医了 VV > > > > 50 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 圆明园主要是法国禽兽烧的 by daneestone 跟这么一英国姐们儿连说带比划 神侃了一天太极拳以及儒释道微言大义 到最后 她那边儿听得是两眼发直 对天朝文化五体投地 我这边儿是心虚冒汗 恨自己这十年虚度光阴 想想不行 决定得转移话题 问她Summer Palace逛得怎样 她说颐和园so cool blablabla... 我于是板起脸来 很严肃地问她 你知道另外还有个Summer Palace 比现在这个c ool得多的 哪去了么 她先是一惊 接着垂下眼眉 一脸惶愧与绝望 是 我知道 那, 都是我们英国 人 抢劫完给烧了 我好象心又有点软 就提示了她一下 还有法国人 她突然好象落水之人抓到了一根稻草 对 主要是法国禽兽干的 Those animals VV > > > > 51 王 Part II Joke 精选 oo V V 有一次我去漫吧租了本金田一 ,刚看到第二页就内牛满面... by HAL9000 有一次我去漫吧租了本金田一 刚看到第二页就内牛满面 不知哪个天杀的用蓝色圆珠笔在某个人物上画了一个圈 写上 VV >> > > 52 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V This is the murderer VV >> > > 53 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Today my dad and I were embarrassed together by GGxMM Today I went to see my grandpa with my dad. While I was putting on my makeup, my dad had already gone out and told me to drive the car to the gate of the community and wait for me. After hurriedly masturbating for a few times, I rushed outside. I saw a black car parked at the door. I opened the door and jumped in. Go and yell, Dad, I am fast enough today, right? But I heard the voice of a strange man in the driver's seat: Hey, today is really weird. I felt something was wrong. When I looked closely, I saw a neighbor who looked familiar but had never spoken to me. He was looking at me weirdly on his mobile phone. Follow me Sorry, I got into the wrong car. After I said that, I was about to get out and listened to what he said. That's right. My wife got into your car. Wasn't I about to chase them? Faint to death Later, my father said that he didn’t even notice that he saw a woman. Got in the car and drove away VV >> > > 54 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V blind date hairtail kiss by depraved Going on a blind date with a girl and having dinner together To respect the girl, I asked her to order She only ordered one dish, a large plate of hairtail So start eating After eating, the girl smiled disdainfully, paid and left. The next day, I talked to the intermediary on the phone. The intermediary told the woman As for the boy, the spines that the boy spit out after eating hairtail fish are all messy. The tongue is not flexible, forget it VV >> >> 55 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Have you ever encountered any embarrassing incidents with twins by fallenboy I have a female classmate who is a twin. They are both very good at studying. One from P, one from T and one from T each went there. Because they are not in the same school, people who are not familiar with them don’t know that they are one of the twins. One Christmas because both of us were single My sister came to T University to play with her sister, but she just walked downstairs to her sister I met a boy from mm's class and got a big bouquet of flowers. Kneel down and be my girlfriend My sister's face turned red and she held it in for a long time before saying something. If I agree, don't regret it VV >> >> 56 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V My colleague’s dad actually uses Taobao like this. It’s so shocking by kingduanlian The old man in his family is retired at home. He has just learned to surf the Internet. It is said that he can click, click, click everywhere. Click. Every time I input Chinese, I have to go to great lengths. At least one word takes three minutes to exaggerate. He heard that nowadays you have to use Taobao to buy things, so he went to collect one himself, but he didn’t know how. Payment, Want Want customer service, etc. So I looked around and saved the good stuff in the browser. My colleagues use Sogou browser at home and at work. As long as they log in with the same account, they can automatically synchronize. There are personal settings and favorites, so once the old man collects those, he can see them, so he can Dad logs in, pays, buys things and sends them to home As a result, the day before yesterday, my colleague overheard his father talking to those old people When chatting with chess friends, he actually showed off Taobao It’s very easy to use. It’s very convenient to buy things. Just accept VV >> >> 57 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Hide it and Taobao will send it to your home without even giving money. !!! The other elderly people were extremely envious. VV >> >> 58 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Grandpa’s classic deeds zz by Anubis Let me share my grandfather’s classic deeds By the way, my grandma passed away when I was five years old. Grandpa spent the next ten years of loneliness alone. When he was in his eighties, Tired of the mortal world He reminds us every day that he doesn’t want to live anymore We have nothing to do with him. If you want to say that the old man is complaining, forget it. Unexpectedly, one day he went to a photo studio to take a photo of his body. Even the frame is finished I hung it next to the photo in my grandma’s funeral hall and nailed it myself. nail bridge location It’s okay, adults say. VV >> >> 59 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Maybe if you deceive the Lord of Hell, you will live longer. One day my brother brought his junior high school classmates to play at home He casually asked his brother who the two photos on the wall were. Brother replied, Grandpa and grandma Unexpectedly Grandpa actually walked downstairs silently at this time He walked out quietly again, presumably to go to the vegetable market. After a moment of silence, my classmate asked: Did you just see that? VV >> > > 60 king Part II Joke Featured oo V V Copenhagen Dasmida Please follow the link by Jrz Author orz Brussels defied VV >> > > 62 king ⌒ ⌒ Part III Selection of Sauce and Porridge Magazine oo V V Sender: janger, message area: porridge pot Title: Went to weigh myself yesterday During the day, Sister Zhu took me to have a good day in Shenzhen, waiting for me to find it. Attach the pp with the data cable After I came back, I went to have dinner with some senior brothers and sisters, but I passed by a person 00 The weight was free. I hesitated and saw the weight. The weight has skyrocketed, from 70kg to 99kg, and is still rising. I was so frightened that I quickly jumped down and ran away without looking back. I opened it and said that the scale is broken. When I came back, I was laughed at by my brothers and sisters. I defended myself for more than an hour. Only then did someone tell me that there was a person behind me who stretched out a pig's leg and stepped on it on top Bloodthirsty and violently slashing that person VV >> > > 63 king ⌒ ⌒ Part III Selections from Sauce and Porridge Magazine oo V V Sender: janger, message area: porridge pot Title: Run 3,000 today I finally understand why girls feel burdened when running long distances. The more I run, the more my belly sways, which makes me uncomfortable. The worst time was when there was still one and a half laps left. I couldn't run anymore and started walking. But the teacher was there. The finish line looked at me impatiently and yelled at me. It was only a few steps away and there were still ink marks. I ran over the finish line for more than ten meters with hesitation. At that time, there was one last lap left, but behind me, it was like my mother’s voice Generally, the XXth place is sent, which means you have finished running. n? n 1? > < o At that time, I immediately stopped and walked away, thinking that I had picked up something like this o 00 The bigger one is cheaper^^ o VV >> > > 64 king ⌒ ⌒ Part III Selection of Sauce and Porridge Magazine oo V V Sender: janger, message area: black room Title: Re: Posted a joke 103 WC I once did an experiment in the west main building in my sophomore year. I got impatient and put it down! Guan Guan goes to the toilet, I was familiar with it before, so I unzipped my pants while running, looked at the toilet door and rushed in. Went in and took off my 45 degree pants o, o Several female teachers were sitting at their desks looking at me Khan exited and walked into the men's room next to the office. I don’t know whether it was summer or winter experience. I’ve been thinking about it now. Am I wearing a pair of long johns? VV >> > > 65 king Part IV Little Black Room Recommendation oo V V Tell a New Year’s joke by janehappy Visiting relatives during the Chinese New Year. One family hosted everyone in a restaurant. By the time our team arrived at the door of the reserved hotel, I just happened to see my uncle coming out of it He didn't eat much after dinner But I said depressedly, "Didn't xxx's family treat us just now? No wonder I didn't recognize the people at the table." VV >> > > 66 king Part IV Little Black Room Recommendation oo V V 3 minutes ago a colleague said... by stoney He used to be in a sports school. He was sent there when he was five or six years old. Then the older kids bully the younger kids Generally speaking, the older children stay in the lower bunk and the younger children stay in the upper bunk. Before going to bed, the older child ties a rope to the younger child's penis and puts the other end in the older child's hand. Then at night, if the big kids want to drink water, eat, etc., they just pull the rope, 囧rz... We were all treated like dishes VV >> >> 67 king Part IV Little Black Room Recommendation oo V V Another one of my college classmates by salute When she was a freshman, there were no mobile phones in the dormitory. She bought a mobile phone because she wanted to buy a mobile phone, but she thought the phone bill was too expensive, so she told us no. Don't call her cell phone if it's urgent She lives on the upper bunk. When she goes to bed at night, she puts her cell phone on the shared desk next to her bed for fear of radiation. One night, after lights out, we were bored, so we teased her by using her cell phone to call the dormitory landline alone. Call someone to pick up the call. Just keep wasting her phone bill. Just dialed, the sisters were so anxious that they jumped out of bed, grabbed the landline phone receiver and said, let me see who of you dares. Answered and then hung up with a bang. Our whole dormitory was laughing like crazy VV >> >> 68 king Part IV Little Black Room Recommendation oo V V He is greedy for our pig head meat by Goodgone Yesterday I went out to play, and I was stuck everywhere with my SLR. Pat this, pat that, pat In the alley, I saw an old man leading a little girl in front of me, followed by a little poodle carrying a plastic bag. Steaming braised pork head Hungry, I stared at the steaming pork head and the aroma spread everywhere. I swallowed and my stomach began to growl. Call me so greedy Suddenly, the little girl asked the old man, "Grandpa, why does that dog always follow us?" The old man said he was hungry for our pork head meat. VV >> >> 69 king Part IV Little Black Room Recommendation oo V V Don’t Speak Original by SundayMore Work has been very heavy recently and everyone is under a lot of pressure. Anger is even greater than pressure. Hot MM A. Looking at these people in the ** department who are getting paid but not working, I really want to curse. Just scold, just scold, don’t suppress yourself, everyone will agree. Hot MM B, forget it, stop scolding me, I’m here as a lady. Viper GG A: Oh, instead of swearing, you tell jokes instead. A meal of pink punch VV >> > > 70 Joke Featured cu0 < MMJoke recommends crowyue Yoo king < > Selection of Sauce and Porridge magazine biancr cu0oo V V < Recommended trek by Little Black Room Paint the wall crowyue ,, > plug-in aotian ,, ,, ,, > . > ,