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↑ The August issue of Kieslowski [2009]

发信人: yoo (糖糖|冰雪组合), 信区: Joke 标题: 天冷加衣的八月刊发信站: 水木社区 (Sat Sep 12 23:01:29 2009), 站内 __________________________________ _________________________________ | ||______ __________ || __ __ _ ___ ||______) (__________||| | ╱ _ ||______] |__________)|| ______ ___ __| _╲ ___ ||______>_{__________]|| < ﹨ ——————————— ||══════════|| \╲ ﹨ | 八月刊 || _︵______︵___︵__ || /` \ | | . ||__ /__ _,/,_ /__ || \___|___| @) ( || \/ \ --┐ \/ \|| \ _| _\'_ ˙ || │ | │ ║ ||| /|/ _\ >￣< ||| |│▕ │ ║<_/|| 〈 | \ │" │ |||___│~ | ︳║_| || _ /\ \ \ ____________________ \__/ || ／_ ︳` ||│( / \_)║ |___-___|| ￣￣￣￣￣ || |_ \│ ||│ <_____\ |║| |___-___|| ___________|| ‵--- ||│ | | \ ║ |___-___|| ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ |│ | |\"\ ║ | - || ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣╭__|(╱ ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - mmjoke ————————— _ /__ ／ \/ \ | ║ | ◇[PIC]前三招大家都会 | ║<_/ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=61830 |_║_| ◇[PIC]小时候的困惑ZZ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=61836 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=61837 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=61843 ◇[PIC]啥时候我们也搞一套这样的照片吧 (转载) http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=61955 ◇[pic]小样儿，敢削我? http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62090 ◇[PIC]土豆长成精 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62503 —————————————————————————————————— ·01· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - mmjoke ————————— _ /__ ／ \/ \ | ║ | ◇这套漫画系列好nb.... | ║<_/ http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62589 |_║_| http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62590 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62591 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62592 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62593 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62594 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62595 ◇[PIC]冷漫画 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62889 http://www.newsmth.net/bbscon.php?bid=872&id=62890 —————————————————————————————————— ·02· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢说个温馨的 │ │ —— Goodgone │| |│ `|___│~ 自从宝宝胎动开始我就经常抚摸着老婆的肚子说：宝宝，宝宝，踹你妈妈一脚。。。没动静，郁闷啊老婆哈哈大笑喊，宝宝，踹你爸爸一脚……………… 就听老婆：啊~~~ 哎，宝宝还是听妈妈的话 —————————————————————————————————— ·03· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢她卡里有钱 │ │ —— Spiracle │| |│ `|___│~ 假期里，紫荆充值窗口开的时间短，经常就有人充不上钱，搞得没饭吃。今天早上，我们几个WSN就见到一个MM，在充值窗口前晃晃的。于是大家异口同声的说，这个MM一定是卡里没钱了，要不然谁过去请人家吃个早饭什么的。接下来，该MM转了个身，给我们一个正脸。大家更整齐的说，不用了吧，她卡里一定有钱！ —————————————————————————————————— ·04· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢昨儿听说一小男孩儿的趣事 │ │ —— eamon │| |│ `|___│~ 小家伙10岁了，上小学三年级。在幼儿园和学前班的时候，和一个挺漂亮的小姑娘就是同班。这一年春节得了压岁钱之后，老妈发慈悲心给了他 400块花，开学以后，小家伙大手笔请吃饭，邀请了漂亮姑娘、漂亮姑娘的绿叶朋友、情敌，一行四人到某个高档餐馆（当地 400块已经很高档了）愉快地共进了晚餐，在同学中引起了轰动。终于，这件事儿传到了班主任耳朵里，班主任就问绿叶怎么回事儿。绿叶没有义务保密，当场全招了，随后通知小家伙她招了。班主任跟老妈反映了情况，老妈还算是沉得住气，没有立刻找小家伙谈心，只是慎着他。小家伙已经得知腐败之事泄露，但是又不敢探听老妈口风，终日惴惴不安。一个多月以后，路过商场看到一个小玩意很喜欢，不由驻足观望。老妈很狡黠，说那 400块你也别老攒着了，该花就花，这不是不懂 —————————————————————————————————— ·05· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 事儿，给你钱就是让你花的。小家伙听闻此言，终于不堪重负，心 │ │ 理瞬间崩溃了，哇哇大哭，说出了一些惊人的话： │| |│ 1. 妈妈，我错了，我不该乱花钱，但你知道吗，这五年来，我爱 `|___│~ 的好辛苦啊…… 2. 妈妈，我虽然得到了她，但我失去的实在太多了，同学们说我烧包不理我，我的学习成绩还下降了好多，你说我牺牲了人际关系和学习成绩换回她，到底值得吗？ 3. 妈妈，你知道我为什么邀请我那个情敌吗，因为我要在他面前证明我的实力把他妈当场乐喷。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·06· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢小男孩儿趣事 2 │ │ —— eamon │| |│ `|___│~ 还有呢到北京来耍，说去他小姨家，本来说几点几点到，结果到点了还没到，小姨电话过去问：不是说xx点来吗，死哪儿去了回答：唉，这几个姑姑还没串访完，你也知道了，人情世故嘛。。。。（转述者说这就是原话）小男孩儿有个哥哥，风流倜傥，总开他妈的车泡妞。哥哥一开始不爱带弟弟玩，死缠烂打一次，上车看见副驾张口就喊嫂子，然后夸嫂子皮肤白嫩，长得真漂亮。然后每次他哥哥约会，女方都要问：带不带你弟弟玩呀？然后就总能蹭吃蹭喝蹭车。 —————————————————————————————————— ·07· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ │| |│ 最发指的是，这哥哥是个花花公子，经常换女友，每次换人都 `|___│~ 不用提前打招呼，弟弟上车见到换人立马重来一套姐姐皮肤真好的老把戏。 —————————————————————————————————— ·08· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢指路 │ │ —— scort │| |│ `|___│~ 我一个朋友, 嫁了一个美国人, 此美国人脾气比较古怪, 但和大家相处得都不错, 经常开车带大家一起去聚餐. 一日, 美国人开车, 副驾为另一个北京哥们儿, 一口倍儿地道的汉语拼音式英文, 和美国人聊得不亦乐乎. 行车不久, 前方提示500米处有一丁字路口. 美国人于是问: "Turn left or right?" 我们一群人亦向那北京哥们儿嚷嚷: "你不是说路很熟吗? 前面路口咋走?" 哥们儿思索片刻, 一脸茫然; 又思片刻, 若有所悟 (估计哥们儿也忘记怎么走了, 但总要有个交代), 于是大呼一声: "扛提牛! (Continue)" 美国人: "Fuck!" 然后那哥们儿脑袋就撞到了前挡风上! —————————————————————————————————— ·09· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢转某mm一天经历～ │ │ —— dreamfor │| |│ `|___│~ 早上下了公交车非常想喝奶，于是买了一瓶蓝色营养快线边走边喝，看到办公室门口的门卫，本来准备来一个蒙娜丽莎的微笑然后顺便早安，结果忘记嘴里有奶，连吐带呛，特别铿锵有力，门卫本来要偷笑，可实在忍不住，终于还是笑出了声……于是我每次经过门口都低头快步走过，等到门卫哥哥换岗了才敢见人。下午老板递给我一张盘，让我把所有pdf文件打印出来，我欢天喜地地打开，发现里面有100个pdf，遂心想万事开头难我要脚踏实地认真做好每一件小事……鼓励了自己半天，一个个pdf文件打开，逐一打印。等我打开第100个文件的时候，发现这是全部99个pdf的合集。非常佩服我的修养和境界，我只是安静地坐在显示器前面，想杀人，或者自杀。 —————————————————————————————————— ·10· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢出差的时候看到的一个可爱MM │ │ —— ab1234567 │| |│ `|___│~ 小MM和爸爸坐在前面的位置上，看上去4、5岁的样子，白白净净的。伊先睡了一路，醒来之后找爸爸撒娇：爸爸，我都已经4岁了，能自己独立决定一些事情了吧？爸爸：你想决定啥啊？ MM一脸天真：我早上能不刷牙了吗？ —————————————————————————————————— ·11· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢手机也造反 │ │ —— Demonrobin │| |│ `|___│~ 今天早晨来上班，路上把手机放在包里没锁，到公司发现手机进入了短信编辑界面，然后上面显示如下内容：唯我独尊家里的事情况觉得挺好玩的当时，退出来发现一条老婆的新信息：要造反啊你！汗……手机真牛，幸好没给我群发了…… —————————————————————————————————— ·12· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢你们在地铁上玩过这个吗？ │ │ —— nanpengyou │| |│ `|___│~ 有一天下班坐地铁，上来几个中学生，上来后他们就在车门那玩游戏游戏是这样的，几个人石头剪子布，最后有两个人输的惩罚就是车进站开门后，跑出去，绕外面的柱子跑两圈然后再跑回来结果有一站，柱子离的比较远，一小男生往回跑的时候手机掉出来了回头去拣，结果来不及了，他就冲着车里喊：哎~~~书包~~书包给我扔下来车里的同学在车门马上关上的时候就把书包给扔下去了结果另一个刚跑回来的孩子大喊了一声：你丫扔错了！！那是我的！！！ —————————————————————————————————— ·13· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢[无言]小姐，你手机掉罗 │ │ 原作: kurtsun@ptt │| |│ 转载: Riesz `|___│~ 前些日子是咱们高雄世运。我表哥则被从花莲调到高雄当工作人员，那时因为他说「ㄟ老弟，高雄梦时代是啥碗糕？」所以我就带他去梦时代逛逛， (两个男人逛梦时代实在不值得一提，所以中间过程省略！) ... 逛完了，我们骑著我凶狠霸劲的金豪迈125一骑出停车场时，就看到前面正要离去的马尾OL她的NOKIA手机离包出走！「啪！」手机清脆响亮的摔在地上，「轰～」OL完全没发现而骑过路口， —————————————————————————————————— ·14· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 我跟魔戒的热狗勒斯一样一个扭腰，就把这支NOKIA从地上捞起来， │ │ 但OL似乎是被ROSSI附身，用飞快的速度领先了我们好几百公尺了！ │| |│ 「追！」表哥指著前方车阵中一枚米粒大的车尾灯大喊 `|___│~ 「哇靠！这样你也认得出来哪台喔！？」我问「废话！我可是才刚获县长表扬过的警察耶！」 ... 结果，我们追错车了「现在怎么办？」「看看里面简讯打给她比较熟的朋友叫他们来领好了」「等等，到警察局打，这样比较安全，不会被告说我们盗打！」 ※※ 结果我脚才刚跨进警察局，手机响了！ ※※ —————————————————————————————————— ·15· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ (大咪来电！) │ │ 我：「为↑～」 │| |│ 大咪：「呃...？(惊)，你哪位？是文文的男朋友吗？」 `|___│~ 我：「不，我不是，我在路上捡到这支手机」大咪：「喔...」大咪：「那你可以叫文文来听吗？那你可以叫文文来听吗？那你可以叫文文来听吗？」 ...！！！ (...=口=)！可能的话我也想啊！这位同学！！) 我：「呃...我不知道文文是谁，这只手机是捡到的，你可以连络她叫她来中正路这边的警察局领吗？」大咪：「喔好！(挂断)」 —————————————————————————————————— ·16· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ※※ │ │ 好！这样事情就解决了！又做了一件善事心情真愉快 │| |│ 就在此时，手机又响了！ `|___│~ (大咪来电) 我：「...(接听)」大咪：「ㄟ文文，你手机掉了，人家说送到中正分局叫你去拿啦」：「ㄟ文文，你手机掉了，人家说送到中正分局叫你去拿啦」：「ㄟ文文，你手机掉了，人家说送到中正分局叫你去拿啦」我：「...她手机掉了你打她手机怎么找的到...？」大咪：「对吼，抱歉抱歉(挂断)」 ※※ 不一会儿 (大咪来电) —————————————————————————————————— ·17· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ... │ │ 我：「...(接听)」 │| |│ 大咪：「对不起我不知道怎么连络她...O___Q」 `|___│~ 靠！你们真的是朋友吗？=口=)!!! 我：「...行了行了，我再想办法...==」 ※※ 然后我就按开了收件夹，看看有没有哪通简讯看起来比较亲密的一按看就看到一整排的「哈妮」害我一瞬间看不清楚萤幕... 我：「...(拨打)」男子：「哈妮，什么事？」我：「我不是你哈妮，你哈妮手机掉了，请你通知她到中正分局这边领」男子：「喔好，谢谢」 ... —————————————————————————————————— ·18· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 过没三秒 │ │ (哈妮来电) │| |│ ...我连接都不想接了... `|___│~ 男子：「哈妮，刚刚有个声音听起来好粗好粗的人说你手机掉了叫你去领喔～」我：「声音好粗好粗真是对不起，请你连络她叫她打这支手机好吗？」男子：「喔好，那我打到她家，对不起」刚刚说谢谢、现在说对不起，你要不要再说一个请就可以凑一套了？ ...我觉得我快崩溃了！我只是想当个好人，怎么会弄到这样！！？？ ※※ 手机又响了！ (妈咪来电) 呼～终于有点进展啦！！！我：「为↑～」 —————————————————————————————————— ·19· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 妈咪：「文文阿，刚刚小陈打过来说有人捡到你手机，叫你去中正 │ │ 分局领喔」 │| |│ ... `|___│~ ...□□□□□崩□(□皿□)□溃□□□□□ 我：「我就是捡到手机的那个人！！！！！！！！」我高潮了！！但是好人要做就要做到底...... 我：「请您等她回来的时候，请她到中正分局这边领好吗？谢谢」妈咪：「喔好」 ※※ 呼...家人联络到了、位置也报了... 做到这样应该够了吧！！不过话说回来，这家伙认识的人怎么都傻傻笨笨的...== ... 我跨上车，走人回家！！ —————————————————————————————————— ·20· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ │| |│ `|___│~ 然后骑了两个路口才惊觉我没有把手机拿进警察局然后骑了两个路口才惊觉我没有把手机拿进警察局然后骑了两个路口才惊觉我没有把手机拿进警察局然后骑了两个路口才惊觉我没有把手机拿进警察局 —————————————————————————————————— ·21· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢悟空你要走了吗ZZ │ │ —— lavender2390 │| |│ `|___│~ 我一个闺中密友，从小学到高中，学生都是不准化妆的，到了大学，终于解放了，该女学习能力暴强，所以空闲时间很多，加上父母给的零花钱也不少，于是滋生了化妆的念头也付诸实践，她最喜欢的就是眼影，而且颇为大胆，啥色都敢往脸上招呼，女的都知道，刚刚开始学化妆的时候，由于不熟练，经常会有恐怖效果的面孔出现, 她妈妈一直也没有对她的化妆做任何正面或负面的评价，随便她折腾，终于一天，她画了一个极其夸张的眼影，准备出门上课，她妈妈看到了，迟疑了一会，问她： “悟空，你要走了？” —————————————————————————————————— ·22· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢华盛顿邮报搞了一个比赛 │ │ 翻译：couplet │| |│ 转载: weird `|___│~ 华盛顿邮报搞了一个比赛，要求写两行押韵的诗，第一行能多浪漫就多浪漫，第二行能多不浪漫就多不浪漫，以下是一些入选作品 ========================================== My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life 我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，我这辈子就毁在你手里。 —————————————————————————————————— ·23· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ I see your face when I am dreaming. │ │ That's why I always wake up screaming. │| |│ 你的容颜依稀入梦境， `|___│~ 于是我在尖叫中惊醒。 Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. 善良、聪慧、多情而性感，可惜这些你一条都不占。 Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed. 爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，可我与你同眠只是因为喝高。 —————————————————————————————————— ·24· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ I thought that I could love no other │| |│ -- that is until I met your brother. `|___│~ 曾以为一生只爱你一个直到遇见你的二表哥。 Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. 娇艳的紫罗兰，鲜红的玫瑰，甜蜜的糖，就像你一样美。但紫罗兰会凋谢，玫瑰会枯黄，糖碗空空如也，和你的脑袋一样。 —————————————————————————————————— ·25· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ I want to feel your sweet embrace; │ │ But don't take that paper bag off your face. │| |│ 我渴望你温柔的拥抱， `|___│~ 但别把你脸上的面具摘掉。 I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies! 我爱你的明眸，你的脸庞，你的微笑，妈的，我真是说谎不打草稿！ My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? 爱人啊，你简直让我窒息，你在哪沾上的一身臭气？ —————————————————————————————————— ·26· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ │| |│ My feelings for you no words can tell, `|___│~ Except for maybe "Go to hell." 我对你的深情无法付诸言语，除了一句“滚一边去”！ What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. 是什么激发了我多情的诗篇？伏特加两杯，酸柠檬一片。 —————————————————————————————————— ·27· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢我很矛盾，大家帮忙我看看，该分手吗？ │ │ 原作: Mondo │| |│ 转载: MITdreaming `|___│~ 前几天在joke看到一个笑话，大意是说，gg和mm去逛街，mm看上一件羽绒服，不舍得买，gg让试试，mm试衣服的时候gg偷偷付钱了，等mm出来拉着她就跑，说趁店员没注意，穿走不用付钱，把mm吓哭了。。。昨天陪mm去逛街，心血来潮，想模仿一把。等到拉着mm跑的时候，mm果断的就跟我跑了。然后就没法演了，现在mm还觉得占了个大便宜，我也没敢把小票给她看。。。觉得mm人品有问题，大家说，要不要分手啊 —————————————————————————————————— ·28· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢娶一个工科老婆的烦恼 │ │ —— niubiwoman │| |│ `|___│~ 举两个例子昨天大学同学聚会，谈到其余同学的情况，某同学去美国读博士了，某同学结婚了之类的。这个时候在场的一个同学讲，其实去美国读博士没啥，我那些小学同学，后来从美国博士毕业后，工作收入都不怎么样这个时候，我老婆说话了：咱们都是大学同学，咱大学同学才刚上博士，你小学同学怎么都博士毕业了呢于是场面很尴尬~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ps:我和老婆是大学同学，本科毕业2年多 —————————————————————————————————— ·29· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 第二个例子 │ │ │| |│ 晚上看电视，一个选秀节目，深圳台的金钟大奖，某男的唱歌， `|___│~ 我就跟着哼哼，很抒情的样子老婆又说话了：大哥，主持人刚说的这是这个歌手第一次唱自己的原创，别装自己会唱啊 —————————————————————————————————— ·30· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢跟风，嫁个理工GG的烦恼 │ │ —— Nefertiti │| |│ `|___│~ 老公平时一直教育，生活要节约，该花的花，该省的省。。恩和他去买菜，发现学数学的老公就是不一样，算起来真快，因为菜场的卖家再算价格时会把数点后的数字往整数上靠，比如什么5毛或整数，要正好的也要加个2毛，要是碰到人细心，算一下，他们就赔不是，说没算好，要是大家不算，他们就过去了老公一在，几个摊下来买菜下来，一个空心菜就出来了某天，他出差，我自己去买菜，挑了几个菜，称好了，问一共多少钱？菜贩道：姑娘你自己算吧，不行我这有计算机 ...><...知道什么叫被报复了，哎 —————————————————————————————————— ·31· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢唉，说个老汉我当年zhuangbilitiest的故事吧 │ │ —— biu │| |│ `|___│~ 注意，是zhuangbilitiest，不是zhuangbility。。。唉，这件事在心底里尘封了整整三十年啊，一直都不好意思跟人说。今天看到大家装13装得这么high，忍不住了。。。。那谁，别看到我自称老汉就皱眉头，等你们听完了我的这个故事，就知道我老人家的年龄是不是够格自称老汉了。。那啥，容我慢慢得回忆一下哈。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·32· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 当年，有个电视连续剧《武松》大伙儿看过不？ │ │ 里面有一集，武松醉打蒋门神。 │| |│ 其中有个场面，武松仰面躺在地上，左腿蜷，右腿向正前方 `|___│~ 伸出，好像罗盘上的勺柄。武松的腿指着蒋门神。那蒋忠脸上已挨过一拳，青着个大眼窝，在外围围着武松转，做跃跃欲扑状。但碍于武松的拳脚，老蒋围着武松转圈，张牙舞爪，可就是不敢上。蒋门神边挪步边眼睛里斜瞄着众人，发现众人都在笑。。。。。这个场面当时在我幼小的心灵中留下了多么深刻的印象啊。。。。记不清楚我当时在读小学一年级还是二年级了，反正我上了中学之后就再没跟人干过架。 —————————————————————————————————— ·33· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 但那一次，我跟我们班上一个小朋友干了起来。 │ │ 小孩子打架不要命，我们俩玩命的厮杀，哇塞好多人围观啊 │| |│ 也不知怎么的，后来我就躺到了地上，伊被我踹了一脚，闪身 `|___│~ 到了外围。也不知怎么的，我的脑袋里电闪雷鸣得就出现了武松醉打蒋门神的那个场面。于是我开始把自己的两臂伸开，背部着地仰面躺，左腿蜷，右腿向正前方伸出，把自己构成一个司南。而被我打的那厮就在外围，被我的腿指着，围着我转圈。他往左我也往左，他往右我也往右，我保持用腿指着他的姿势，他张牙舞爪，做跃跃欲扑状，但就是不上。我们僵持着，僵持着， —————————————————————————————————— ·34· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ 我拿眼睛里斜瞄着众人，发现不知不觉间大家的脸上都由刚 │| |│ 才的紧张换成了面带笑意。。。 `|___│~ 我发誓，那一刻我们所有人都很high。。。。突然，一群高年级的学生路过。他们大概发现了我们这里围着一圈人。有个穿大头皮鞋的就一把扒拉开众人，看到了我们上演的这奇怪的一幕。他们，他们，竟然一个接着一个笑得捂着肚子蹲在了地上。。。我深深得受到了伤害，从地上爬起来头也不回得走人，连身上的土都没顾得拍打一下。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·35· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ 这是我的第一次也是最high的一次zhuangbilitiest的故事， │| |│ 像天上的流星划过， `|___│~ 就此结束。。。。但是这个故事在我的心中保留了三十年。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·36· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢Re: 唉，说个老汉我当年zhuangbilitiest的故事吧 │ │ —— pating │| |│ `|___│~ 我跟一个，我比老汉年轻点大家记得当年有个叫射雕英雄传的电视吧里面有一个非常厉害的功夫，叫降龙十八掌里面有一招是这样的，双手前臂在胸前打转，转上几圈，然后向前出掌忘了这招叫什么了，反正也是印象深刻平时和兄弟们切磋过招的时候也经常用，一般大家一起转，然后对掌，互相比内力，恩。 —————————————————————————————————— ·37· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ 话说，有一次，跟我爸到他一个朋友家玩，朋友在乡下。 │| |│ 大人在屋里唠嗑，我就出去找小朋友玩了。 `|___│~ 也不知怎么的，就和村子里一个家伙干上了。我于是很自然的使出那招降龙十八掌，结果还在我打转的时候，对方完全没有按套路来，而是很爽快的照我鼻子上来了一拳。于是我就血流如注了。我还记得后来和我爸的对话，我爸问我你怎么被人打了，你不是会降龙十八掌吗？我说，我用了，但是他没用。。。另外，这个，我藏了大概20年吧。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·38· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢我发个真的冷笑话吧.. │ │ —— stoneya │| |│ `|___│~ 这回是真的冷.. 我不是把脚给踢残了嘛，然后周末和其他两位密友去散步。一边走一边打趣：我：..哎，我现在是残障人士 A ：..哎，我现在是智障人士（为了安慰我又自嘲她最近考试结果不好） B幽幽地说我现在是狗仗人势....... —————————————————————————————————— ·39· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢吹TT(X,转载) │ │ —— francklin │| |│ `|___│~ 个暑假，辅导员组织了我们留校的同学一起出去玩，9男12女我们去了风景秀丽的地方晚上住在山上的宾馆，因为男生是单数，所以我要求一个人房间住山上的宾馆的确很爽，阳台外面就是大自然，美中不足的是，这里没有家禽服务可是房间的床头柜有两盒TT，很精致，三件装的实在是闲的慌，半夜坐阳台吹TT玩，吹破了六个就睡觉了中午把房卡给了辅导员，辅导员退房后，大家正要走，大厅前台该死的对讲机传来了打扫卫生的大妈的声音 “217房消费TT两盒，repeat,217房消费TT两盒” 我当时就炸了，怎么宾馆的TT还要收费 —————————————————————————————————— ·40· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ │| |│ 全班人用各种眼神看着我 `|___│~ 当时囧的我想死的心都有了辅导员倒是很平静，主动付了钱出门口，辅导员悄悄的问我，哪找的，这荒山野岭，两盒啊，厉害我真是一肚子委屈。。。回去的车上，收到了班上女生的短信 “你一晚上两盒？” —————————————————————————————————— ·41· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢体检后与lp的对话 │ │ —— RayAllen │| |│ `|___│~ 公司组织体检，体检完后，与lp进行了一番对话。我：体检没啥事。就是前列腺有点大，大夫让我少吃辣，少抽烟少喝酒。 lp：可你不吃辣不抽烟不喝酒啊。我：是啊，我也这么跟大夫说。大夫说我肯定是坐多了。 lp：是啊，我也觉得做的有点多。我：大夫说让我以后每坐2个小时，起来活动几分钟。 lp有点诧异：做2小时？？然后还起来活动几分钟？大夫吃错药了吧？我开始有点愕然，后来终于发现lp想歪了。。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·42· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢[Y]老婆路考 │ │ —— xcy │| |│ `|___│~ 老婆大早兴冲冲地去路考，结果没过，回来很郁闷。俺赶紧宽慰，头一次没过很正常啊很正常，不用惩罚自己挤公交回来，干嘛不找个黑车。老婆说，别提黑车了，驾校门口有辆车要30我嫌贵，走开都半条街了，那个师傅恍然大悟了，巨大声地嚷嚷：知道你没考过，给你便宜点，25吧.... 老婆很郁闷地补充道，估计车站有100多人都听见了。 —————————————————————————————————— ·43· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢卖手机转载 │ │ —— Jfangzhou │| |│ `|___│~ 话说暑期打工，在某移动手机广场卖手机某日中午，午饭时间，卖场几乎没人，旁边柜台来了一位大叔级的人看手机，正好那节柜台的MM还没吃饭，有气无力的，看着那大叔也不像买手机的主儿，就没起来用手臂放在柜台上支着头，因为此MM胸部比较大，该大叔看着看着突然发现可以看到MM的乳沟，眼都看直了，本打算提醒一下那个MM，结果MM 毫无反应，几分钟后，MM开口：大哥，看够了吗？看够了就买个手机吧…… 结果大叔二话没说，买了个手机就夺门而逃了…… —————————————————————————————————— ·44· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢看电视 │ │ —— roseven │| |│ `|___│~ 首先报告大家，俺下山了！出关有一周多一点。再病房里面没啥娱乐活动，只有一台电视机。还有一个201电话机，其中201电话于2009年6月31日作废。这…… 我平时不怎么看电视，有些电视节目看了感觉有点好笑。就记下来给大家分享可能有些old，还有的不太好笑，只是我的感想，见谅^^ 1，一直没搞明白谁是撒贝宁。还有人家撒切尔是英国人为啥撒贝宁这么洋盘的名字却是中国人？ 2，还有个广告不明白，嗓子疼为什么要找肥罗和卡卡，完全不沾边嘛。清扬也是，应该找肥罗齐秃巴特兹才对，C罗凑什么热闹呀。 —————————————————————————————————— ·45· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 3，劲霸男装那个广告，“给你这样的男人”，这样的男人是指长 │ │ 大后输给竞争对手，自尊心受践踏所以仓促出国撞大运的loser？ │| |│ 这样的产品形象谁买啊。 `|___│~ 4，说到产品形象，陈冠希怎么还在电视里面？到处都是他。那个草本乐的广告一加上陈冠希，感觉就像是在开轰趴。 5， cctv4播新闻的时候忽然变彩条几十秒，都好几次了。这我真不明白是啥问题，彩条后面是啥？ 6，娃哈哈的饮料广告，跟皮尔卡丹差不多那个，实在绝了。其中有一个广告是上课和开车篇，到最后它也没说明这饮料里面含酒精不。还有，为啥取那么谐音的名字，是GAY想出来的吧？ 7，小沈阳代言洗衣服广告什么的也就罢了，代言长城酷熊汽车干啥呀。尤其是酷熊的另一款广告说，反流线造型，独显男人魅力。这跟小沈阳的形象搭边么？ —————————————————————————————————— ·46· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 8，新闻会客厅的广告里面，有个人他头上标的是it。意思是会客 │ │ 厅里面有些人他不是人？ │| |│ 9，百事广告。人家说话刚说完那孩子就说：我听不见！这不是其 `|___│~ 实已经听见了别人说话之后做出的回馈么？他只是假装听不见而已。 10，金典牛奶。他说他们用的牧草是特选的，屏幕上显示草上有一个蝗虫哦。值得注意的是这只蝗虫是黄色的。据说，只有少量蝗虫的时候他们就是绿的，而闹蝗灾的时候蝗虫大量聚集，才会变成黄色。 11，体育用品广告太多了。而且其广告词大同小异。谁能不查资料把目前市面上的体育用品和对应箴言列出来？我算他牛。 ps，电视3大广告系列：体育用品、水、护肤化妆用品。看来都是暴利行业。 —————————————————————————————————— ·47· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢广播广告很有才 │ │ —— orv │| |│ `|___│~ 每天早上听天津99音乐台，总会听到如下连续三条广告： 1.女1：王姐（请记得这个人称），我意外怀孕了，咋办呀？女2：别害怕，到天津华夏医院，该医院解决意外怀孕BLABLABLA……今天做手术，明天就上班。女1+女2：解决意外怀孕，到天津华夏医院【点评】：故事从这里开始，女1（经后文判断为“小张”）意外怀孕了，找王姐咨询，王姐让小张去天津华夏医院。 —————————————————————————————————— ·48· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 2.女：老公，我怀孕了，人家刚当上经理，咋办呀？ │ │ 男：别害怕，王姐说，天津丽人女子医院，解决意外怀孕BLABLA │| |│ BLA…… `|___│~ 女：可我有妇科炎症，影响手术吗？男：王姐说了，那里有专门的专家，专门治疗妇科疾病BLABLABLA……今天做手术，明天就上班。女+男：解决意外怀孕，到天津丽人女子医院【点评】：小张回家找老公说怀孕问题。小张老公跟王姐关系暧昧，要是不暧昧，一女的干嘛天天跟一男人唠叨意外怀孕和妇科炎症？小张老公建议小张去天津丽人女子医院。小张假意答应。 —————————————————————————————————— ·49· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 3.女2：小张，你不是昨天做了人流，怎么今天就来上班啦？ │ │ 女1：王姐，我是在天津华北医院做的手术，三分钟解决意外怀 │| |│ 孕，昨天做手术，今天就上班…… `|___│~ 女1+女2：解决意外怀孕，就到天津华北医院妇科！【点评】：小张去了华北医院做手术。王姐一定以为小张不是去了华夏就是去了丽人，发现小张今天就能上班，非常惊讶。故推断，王姐给小张及小张老公推荐的都是不可能“今天做手术，明天就上班”的好医院。而聪明的小张自己去了天津华北医院妇科，真的第二天就上班了。证明小张与老公心存芥蒂，而对王姐也不无提防。表面的和谐不能掩盖腹黑的事实呀！ —————————————————————————————————— ·50· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢说我侄子二三事 │ │ —— slimffx │| |│ `|___│~ 1. 我侄子 2岁半了一日由于我哥嫂加班就把他送到姥姥家孩子的舅妈舅舅带他去玩刚好开车经过我哥哥家小家伙道：‘舅妈这不是到我家了吗你们去我家坐坐吃个饭吧’顿了有十几秒砰的一下拍了下自己大腿 ‘对了今天我妈妈没在家，咱们改天再来吃’ 当时把他舅妈给乐的不行 2岁的孩子。。。 2. 上周2我嫂子来北京出差3天回去后问他 '你想妈妈不？ “我这就回老家让你看不见我” 把我嫂子气的。。。。。 —————————————————————————————————— ·51· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ 3. 平时孩子都是我妈妈看，一般周末我哥嫂歇班我妈就回老家（ │ │ 20公里）一天周末我嫂子带他出去玩邻居们就问 “你奶奶呢"? │| |│ "干活去了” `|___│~ 再问一遍" 你奶奶干嘛去了？我侄子非常不耐烦抬高嗓门道：“回去给*** 干活去了”（***指我老爸的名字） —————————————————————————————————— ·52· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ ﹢[坚持每天一句话]14、包养 │ │ —— JudyFang │| |│ `|___│~ 和一个人不知道怎么聊起的我：看你说的，好像想包养情人一样他：没人可包啊，没钱用来包啊我：这么说你真有包养情人之心只是条件不成熟？鄙视你他：如果有人愿意一个月1万包养你，你怎么想？我：当然不干他：如果一个月10万？我：那也不干他：一个月100万？我：那可以吧... —————————————————————————————————— ·53· — [转下页] __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ 他：说明你有被包养之心，只是条件不成熟。鄙视你 │| |│ 我： `|___│~ 才不一样呢，我长这样都有人一年给我1000多万，说明那人得多爱我啊这绝对是爱情~~~~~~~~~~~ 他：~~~~~~~~ [更多JudyFang原创，请见x-15-9] —————————————————————————————————— ·54· — __ __ _ ___ | ╱ _ ___ __| _╲ ___ ________________________︵_____ ——————————— 八月刊 - joke ————————— __ /__ / \/ \ │ │ │| |│ `|___│~ 本期月刊主创人员 ────────────── 主编: biancr Joke编辑: Dio MMJoke编辑: bi0 & Dio 刷墙: Kieslowski 更多更全月刊，请看精华区x-15。joke月刊，精彩无限！ -- 提示: 记得投票哦！ —————————————————————————————————— ·55· —

Sender: yoo Tangtang Ice and Snow Combination, message area: Joke Title: August issue of the cold weather Sending station: Shuimu Community Sat Sep 12 23:01:29 2009 , within the station ] > { ] < ﹨ ﹨August issue . , , @ ' > < < " < " August issue mmjoke [PIC]Everyone knows the first three tricks < http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 61830 [PIC] The confusion of childhood ZZ http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 61836 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 61837 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 61843 [PIC] When will we make a set of photos like this? Reprint http: www.newsmth.net bbscon.php?bid 872&id 61955 [pic]You little boy, dare to cut me? http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62090 [PIC] Potatoes grow to perfection http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62503 01 August issue mmjoke This comic series is so good....< http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62589 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62590 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62591 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62592 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62593 http: www.newsmth.net bbscon.php?bid 872&id 62594 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62595 [PIC]Cold comics http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62889 http: www.newsmth.netbbscon.php?bid 872&id 62890 02 August issue joke ﹢Say something warm Goodgone Ever since the baby started moving I often stroke my wife’s belly and say, baby, baby, kick your mother. No movement. Depressing. Wife laughed Shouting baby, kick your daddy Just listen to my wife Hey, baby still listens to mother's words 03 August issue joke ﹢She has money in her card Spiracle During the holidays, the Bauhinia recharge window is open for a short time and there are often people there. I can't recharge my money, so I have no food to eat. This morning we met a MM in WSN at the recharge window She was swaying forward, so everyone said in unison that this girl must be stuck. There's no money here. Otherwise, someone can go over and treat someone to breakfast or something. Next, the girl turned around and gave us a straight face. Let’s straighten things out. Qi said no need, she must have money in her card. 04 August issue joke ﹢I heard an interesting story about a little boy yesterday eamon The little guy is 10 years old. He is in the third grade of elementary school. He was in kindergarten and preschool and A very pretty little girl was in my class. After receiving lucky money during the Spring Festival this year, my mother compassionately gave her I paid him 400 yuan. After school started, the little guy treated me to dinner generously and invited a beautiful girl. Beautiful girl. A group of four friends and love rivals went to a high-end restaurant in the local area. 400 yuan is already very high-end. Happy We had a quick dinner together, which caused a sensation among the classmates. Finally, the incident reached the ears of the head teacher. The head teacher asked Luye what was going on. Luye had no obligation to keep it secret. He recruited everyone on the spot and then notified the children. She recruited the guy. The head teacher reported the situation to my mother. My mother was able to keep her composure and did not immediately find the child. The guy has a heart-to-heart talk, just be careful with him. The little guy has already learned about the corruption leaks, but he doesn't dare to pry on his mother. I was always worried about my tone. More than a month later, I passed by a shopping mall and saw a gadget that I liked very much. Stopping and watching, my mother was very cunning and said, don’t keep saving the 400 yuan. Spend it when you need to. I don’t understand. 05 [Go to next page] August issue joke The thing is, I gave you the money just for you to spend it. After hearing this, the little guy was finally overwhelmed and heartbroken. Li collapsed instantly, burst into tears and said some shocking words. 1. Mom, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have spent money randomly. But do you know that in the past five years, I have loved It's so hard 2. Mom, although I gained her, I lost too much. My classmates said I was a charlatan and ignored me. My academic performance has dropped a lot. You said that I sacrificed my interpersonal relationship and academic performance to get her. does it worth 3. Mom, do you know why I invited my love rival? Because I want to prove my truth in front of him. force Let his mother squirt on the spot 06 August issue joke ﹢Funny things about little boy 2 eamon anything else He came to Beijing to play. He said he was going to his aunt's house. I was told what time he would arrive, but he didn't arrive yet. My aunt called me and asked, "Didn't I tell you to come at xx o'clock? Where did he go?" Answer: Alas, these aunts haven’t finished their visit yet, and you already know that people are wise in the world. The narrator said this was the original story A little boy has an older brother who is very romantic and always drives his fucking car to pick up girls. The older brother didn’t like taking care of his younger brother at first. My younger brother was stalking me once. When I got in the car, I saw the co-driver opened his mouth and called me sister-in-law. Then he praised my sister-in-law for her fair skin and long hair. She is so beautiful. Then every time his brother goes on a date, the woman always asks if she wants to play with your brother. Then she always You can eat, drink, and drive for free 07 [Go to next page] August issue joke The most outrageous thing is that this brother is a playboy. He often changes his girlfriend, and every time he changes, No need to say hello in advance. When my brother gets in the car and sees the replacement, he immediately gets a new set of skins for his sister. It’s really nice. old trick 08 August issue joke ﹢Guide the way score A friend of mine is married to an American. This American has a weird temper, but he is very friendly. We all get along well with each other, and we often drive and take everyone to dinner parties together. One day, an American was driving, and the co-pilot was another guy from Beijing, who spoke very authentic Chinese Pinyin. I speak English and have a great time chatting with Americans. Not long after driving, there was a message ahead about a T-junction about 500 meters away. The American then asked: "Turn left Or right?" A group of us also shouted to the Beijing guy: "Didn't you say that the road is familiar? The road ahead is ahead. Where to go?" My brother thought about it for a moment and looked confused. After thinking about it for a while again, if he had some enlightenment, he probably also forgot how to do it. He left, but there had to be an explanation, so he shouted: "Carry the cow! Continue" American: "Fuck!" Then the guy's head hit the windshield! 09 August issue joke ﹢Report on one day’s experience of a certain mm dreamfor When I got off the bus this morning, I really wanted to drink milk, so I bought a bottle of Blue Nutrition Express while walking. While drinking, I saw the doorman at the office door. I was planning to give him a Mona Lisa smile and say good morning. As a result, I forgot that there was milk in my mouth, and I vomited and choked. It was so sonorous and powerful that the guard wanted to snicker, but he couldn't bear it. I couldn't help but finally laughed out loud. So every time I passed the door, I lowered my head and walked quickly, waiting for the doorman. My brother only dared to see people when he changed his job. In the afternoon, my boss handed me a disk and asked me to print out all the PDF files. I typed it happily. I opened it and found that there were 100 pdfs in it. I thought to myself that everything is difficult at the beginning. I have to be down-to-earth and do every little thing carefully. I encouraged myself for a long time. I opened the pdf files one by one and printed them one by one. Waiting for me to open the 100th file. When I downloaded the file, I found that this is a collection of all 99 PDFs. I really admire my cultivation and realm. I just Sitting quietly in front of the monitor, I want to kill someone or commit suicide. 10 August issue joke ﹢A cute girl I saw while on a business trip ab1234567 Little girl and her father are sitting in the front seat. She looks about 4 or 5 years old and is fair and fair. clean Yi Xian slept all the way, and when she woke up, she asked her father to act like a spoiled child. Dad, I am already 4 years old and can be alone. Have you decided something now? Dad, what do you want to decide? MM looks innocent. Can I stop brushing my teeth in the morning? 11 August issue joke ﹢Mobile phones also rebelled Demonrobin I came to work this morning. I left my phone in my bag and unlocked it on the way. I found my phone at work. After entering the text message editing interface, the following content is displayed: I am the only one who cares about things at home I thought it was quite fun. I logged out and found a new message from my wife. You want to rebel? Khan, your phone is awesome. Fortunately, you didn’t send me group messages. 12 August issue joke ﹢Have you ever played this on the subway? nanpengyou One day when I was taking the subway after get off work, a few middle school students got on the train and they started playing games at the door. The game is like this. Several people play rock, paper, scissors. In the end, two people lose. The punishment is to enter the station and open the door, run out, run around the pillars outside twice and then run back again. As a result, there was one stop where the pillars were quite far away. When the boy was running back, his phone fell out. He went back to pick it up, but it was too late. He shouted into the car, "Hey, schoolbag, throw down the schoolbag." The classmates in the car threw their schoolbags down as soon as the door closed. As a result, another kid who just ran back yelled, "You threw it by mistake. That's mine." 13 August issue joke ﹢[Speechless] Miss, you lost your phone Original work: kurtsun@ptt Reposted by: Riesz A few days ago it was our destiny in Kaohsiung My cousin was transferred from Hualien to Kaohsiung as a staff member At that time, it was because he said, Brother, Kaohsiung Dreamtime is nothing So I took him to visit Dreamland Two men visiting Dreamland is really not worth mentioning, so I’ll omit the middle steps. ... After shopping, we rode out of the parking lot on my fierce and aggressive Jinhaomai 125. I saw the Mawei OL in front of me who was about to leave. Her NOKIA mobile phone was taken out of the bag. Bang, the phone fell to the ground with a crisp and loud sound. Boom, the OL didn’t even notice and rode across the intersection. 14 [Go to next page] August issue joke I twisted my waist like Hot Dogs from Lord of the Rings and picked up this NOKIA from the ground. But the OL seemed to be possessed by ROSSI and was several hundred meters ahead of us at such a fast speed. Chasing, my cousin pointed at a rear light as big as a grain of rice in the traffic ahead and yelled Wow, you can recognize which one this way, I asked. Nonsense. I'm a police officer who was just praised by the county magistrate. ... As a result, we chased the wrong car. What should we do now Look at the text message inside and call her close friends to ask them to pick it up. Wait, go to the police station to beat us. It's safer this way. The defendant won't accuse us of beating us illegally. As a result, I had just stepped into the police station when my cell phone rang. 15 [Go to next page] August issue joke Big phone call me for Damn, uh... Surprise, which one of you is Wenwen's boyfriend? I, no, I'm not, I picked up this phone on the street Big tits oh... DaMi, can you ask Wenwen to listen? Then can you ask Wenwen to listen? Then can you ask Wenwen to listen? ... ... Mouth, I would like to, too, if possible. This classmate I, uh... I don’t know who Wenwen is. I picked up this phone. Can you contact her and ask her to come to the police station on Zhongzheng Road to pick her up? Big, oh, okay, hang up. 16 [Go to next page] August issue joke Okay, this solves the problem. I’ve done another good deed and I feel really happy. Just then, the phone rang again Big phone call I...answer DaMi, Wenwen, you dropped your phone. They said it was sent to the Zhongzheng Branch and asked you to pick it up. ㄟWenwen, you lost your phone. They said it was sent to the Zhongzheng Branch and asked you to pick it up. ㄟWenwen, you lost your phone. They said it was sent to the Zhongzheng Branch and asked you to pick it up. I... She lost her phone. How can you find her phone by calling her... Damn, yell, sorry, sorry, hang up. After a while Big phone call 17 [Go to next page] August issue joke ... I...answer DaMi, I'm sorry, I don't know how to contact her...O Q Damn, are you really friends? I...Okay, okay, I'll think of a way... Then I clicked on the inbox to see if there were any text messages that seemed more intimate. As soon as I clicked on it, I saw a whole row of Honey, which made me unable to see clearly on the screen for a moment... I... call Man, Honey, what's going on? Me, I’m not you, Honey. Honey, your phone fell off. Please inform her to pick it up at the Zhongzheng Branch. Man oh okay thank you ... 18 [Go to next page] August issue joke Less than three seconds passed Honey calls ...I don’t even want to connect anymore... Man, Honey, someone with a very rough voice just said that you dropped your phone and asked you to pick it up. I'm so sorry for my rough voice. Can you please contact her and ask her to call this phone? Man, oh okay, then I’ll call her home. I’m sorry. I said thank you just now, now I'm sorry, do you want to say please again so that we can put together a set? ...I feel like I'm about to collapse. I just want to be a good person. How did I end up like this? The phone rang again Mommy calls Phew, finally some progress me for 19 [Go to next page] August issue joke Mommy, Wen Wen'a, Xiao Chen just called and said that someone found your cell phone and asked you to go to Zhongzheng. Get it from the branch ... ...collapse Me I'm the one who picked up the phone I climaxed, but if you want to be a good person, you have to do it to the end... I ask you to wait until she comes back and ask her to pick it up at the Zhongzheng Branch. Thank you. Mommy oh okay Phew... my family has been contacted and my location has been reported... It should be enough to do this, right? But then again, the people this guy knows are all stupid and stupid... ... I get in the car and go home 20 [Go to next page] August issue joke Then after riding two intersections, I was shocked to realize that I didn’t take my phone to the police station. Then after riding two intersections, I was shocked to realize that I didn’t take my phone to the police station. Then after riding two intersections, I was shocked to realize that I didn’t take my phone to the police station. Then after riding two intersections, I was shocked to realize that I didn’t take my phone to the police station. twenty one August issue joke ﹢Wukong, are you leaving? ZZ lavender2390 A close friend of mine Students from elementary school to high school are not allowed to wear makeup. When I got to university, I was finally liberated This girl has a strong learning ability, so she has a lot of free time, and her parents also give her a lot of pocket money. So I came up with the idea of putting on makeup and put it into practice. Her favorite thing is eye shadow, and she is quite bold and dares to put any color on her face. Women all know that when they first start learning makeup, they often end up with scary-looking faces due to their lack of proficiency. Her mother has never made any positive or negative comments about her makeup, just let her do whatever she wants. Finally one day, she put on an extremely exaggerated eye shadow and prepared to go out to class. Her mother saw it and hesitated for a while and asked her Wukong, you have to leave twenty two August issue joke ﹢The Washington Post held a contest Translate couplet Reprint: weird The Washington Post held a contest where they were asked to write two lines of rhyming poetry. The first line was as romantic as possible. The second line of the comic can be as romantic or as unromantic as possible. Here are some selected works. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life My heart, my true love, my beautiful wife My whole life will be ruined in your hands twenty three [Go to next page] August issue joke I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. Your face is like a dream So I woke up screaming Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. Kind, smart, passionate and sexy It's a pity that you don't have any of these. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed. Love is a blessing from God. Love is so beautiful. But I slept with you just because I was drunk twenty four [Go to next page] August issue joke I thought that I could love no other that is until I met your brother. I thought I would only love you for the rest of my life Until I met your second cousin Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Delicate violets, bright red roses, sweet sugar, as beautiful as you But the violets will wither, the roses will turn yellow, and the sugar bowl will be as empty as your head. 25 [Go to next page] August issue joke I want to feel your sweet embrace; But don't take that paper bag off your face. I long for your gentle embrace But don't take the mask off your face I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies! I love your bright eyes, your face, your smile Damn, I really lied without drafting My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My love, you are suffocating me Where did you get the stench? 26 [Go to next page] August issue joke My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell." My deep love for you cannot be put into words Except for one sentence: Get out of here What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. What inspires my passionate poems Two cups of vodka and a slice of lime 27 August issue joke ﹢I'm very conflicted. Please help me figure out whether I should break up. Original: Mondo Reprint: MITdreaming I saw a joke on joke a few days ago. The main idea was that gg and mm went shopping and mm fell in love with a down jacket. I was reluctant to buy the clothes. gg asked me to try them on. When mm was trying on the clothes, gg secretly paid for them. I waited until mm came out and pulled her over. He ran away and said he could walk without paying while the clerk wasn't paying attention. It scared my sister to tears. Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, and on a whim I wanted to imitate it. When I pulled mm and ran away, mm ran away with me decisively. Then I couldn't act anymore. Now mm is still I felt like I was getting a big advantage and I didn't dare to show her the receipt. I think there is something wrong with mm’s character. Everyone is asking me if I should break up. 28 August issue joke ﹢The troubles of marrying an engineering wife niubiwoman Give two examples Yesterday at the university class reunion, I talked about the situation of other classmates. A classmate went to the United States to study for a Ph.D. I am studying to get married. At this time, a classmate present said that in fact, it is not a big deal to go to the United States to study for a Ph.D. Some of my elementary school classmates later graduated from the United States with Ph.D.s. Their jobs and incomes were not very good. At this time, my wife spoke. We are all college classmates. My college classmates have just received their Ph.D. How come all your elementary school classmates have graduated with Ph.D.s? So the scene was very embarrassing ps: My wife and I are college classmates. We graduated from undergraduate degree more than 2 years ago. 29 [Go to next page] August issue joke second example Watching TV in the evening, a talent show, Shenzhen Channel’s Golden Bell Awards, a certain man’s singing I hummed along, very lyrical My wife is talking again. Brother, the host just said that this is the first time this singer has sung his own song. My own original work. Don’t pretend that you can sing. 30 August issue joke ﹢Follow the trend and worry about marrying a GG who is a science student Nefertiti My husband has always taught us that in life we should save what we should spend and what we should save. I went shopping with him and found that my husband, who studied mathematics, was different. He could calculate so quickly because of the sales at the market. When people calculate prices, they will move the numbers after the dots closer to whole numbers. For example, 50 cents or a whole number should be just right. I also need to add 2 cents. If I encounter someone who is careful and does the math, they will apologize if they say they didn’t do the math properly. Home doesn't count, they just passed by As soon as my husband arrived, I went to several stalls to buy vegetables, and a water spinach came out. One day when he was on a business trip, I went shopping by myself. I picked out a few vegetables, weighed them, and asked how much they cost in total. The vegetable vendor said, "Girl, you can figure it out yourself. No, I have a computer here." ...><...You know what it means to be retaliated against? 31 August issue joke ﹢Hey, let me tell you a story about my Zhuangbilitiest years. biu Note that it means Zhuangbilitiest, not Zhuangbility Alas, this matter has been buried in my heart for thirty years. I have always been embarrassed to tell others. Today I saw everyone pretending to be 13 and pretending to be so high. I couldn’t help it. Then whoever, don’t frown when you see me calling myself an old man After you finish listening to my story, you will know whether I am old enough to call myself old. Han So what? Let me recall it slowly. 32 [Go to next page] August issue joke Back then, there was a TV series Wu Song. Have you guys seen it? There is an episode in which Wu Song beats Jiang Menshen while drunk. There is a scene in which Wu Song is lying on his back with his left leg curled up and his right leg facing forward. Stretch out like the handle of a compass spoon Wu Song’s leg pointed at Jiang Menshen Jiang Zhong had already received a punch in the face. He had a big blue eye socket and was circling Wu Song on the outside, making a show of excitement. flutter But due to Wu Song's fists and kicks, Chiang Kai-shek circled around Wu Song, baring his teeth and claws, but he didn't dare to go. As Jiang Menshen moved, he glanced sideways at everyone and found that everyone was laughing. What a profound impression this scene left on my young mind. I can’t remember whether I was in the first or second grade of elementary school at that time. Anyway, I started studying in middle school. Never had a fight with anyone again 33 [Go to next page] August issue joke But that time I had sex with a kid in our class The kids were fighting for their lives. We were fighting for our lives. Wow, there were so many people watching. I don’t know why, but then I was lying on the ground. I kicked her and I got out of the way. Arrived at the periphery For some reason, the scene where Wu Song drunkenly beat Jiang Menshen appeared in my head with lightning and thunder. scene So I started to stretch out my arms and lay on my back with my left leg curled up and my right leg facing forward. Fang stretched out and formed himself into a Sinan The guy I beat was on the outside, pointed at by my leg, and circling around me. He goes to the left and I go to the left too He goes to the right and I go to the right too I kept pointing my leg at him He bared his teeth and danced, ready to pounce, but he just wouldn't come. We are in a stalemate, we are in a stalemate 34 [Go to next page] August issue joke I squinted at everyone with my eyes and found that unconsciously, everyone's faces were filled with rigid expressions. The nervousness was replaced by a smile I swear we were all high at that moment Suddenly, a group of senior students passed by They probably noticed that there was a circle of people around us. Someone wearing big leather shoes pulled everyone away and saw this strange scene we staged. They, they actually laughed so hard that they squatted on the ground holding their stomachs one after another. I'm deeply hurt Get up from the ground and leave without looking back. He didn't even bother to pat the dirt on his body. 35 [Go to next page] August issue joke This is my first and highest Zhuangbilitiest story Like a shooting star passing through the sky end here But this story has stayed in my heart for thirty years 36 August issue joke ﹢Re: Well, let me tell you a story about my Zhuangbilitiest years. pating I'm talking to a guy. I'm younger than the old man. Everyone remembers that there was a TV show called Legend of the Condor Heroes back then, right? There is a very powerful Kung Fu called the Eighteen Palms of Subduing the Dragon. There is a move like this. Rotate your forearms in front of your chest for a few times, and then move your palms forward. I forgot what this move is called, but it’s impressive anyway. I often use it when I compete with my brothers. We usually use it together. Then they put their palms together to compare each other's internal strength. 37 [Go to next page] August issue joke By the way, once my dad and I went to a friend's house to play. The friend was in the countryside. The adults were chatting in the house, so I went out to play with the children. I don’t know why, but I ended up having sex with a guy in the village. So I naturally used the Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms move, but I was still spinning. The other party didn't follow the routine at all. Instead, he happily punched me in the nose. So I started bleeding profusely I still remember the conversation I had with my dad later. My dad asked me why you were beaten. Don’t you know how to subdue the dragon with the Eighteen Palms? I said I used it, but it didn’t work for him. Also, I’ve been hiding this for about 20 years. 38 August issue joke ﹢Let me tell you a really bad joke... stoneya It's really cold this time... Didn’t I cripple my feet from kicking them? Then I went for a walk with two other close friends on the weekend, joking while walking. I...hey, I'm disabled now A..Hey, I am mentally retarded now. To comfort me, I laughed at myself because her recent test results were not good. B said quietly, I am now a dog fighting against the power of others... 39 August issue joke ﹢Blow TT X, reprint francklin During the summer vacation, the counselor organized our classmates who stayed in school to go out together, 9 boys and 12 girls. We went to beautiful places I stayed at a hotel on the mountain for the night. Because boys are odd numbers, I asked for a room alone. It's really nice to stay in a hotel on the mountain. There is nature outside the balcony. The only drawback is that there is no such thing here. poultry services But there are two boxes of TT on the bedside table in the room. They are very exquisite and come in a pack of three. I was so busy that I sat on the balcony and played TT in the middle of the night. After six blows, I went to bed. I gave my room card to the counselor at noon. After the counselor checked out, everyone was about to leave. The front desk in the lobby was right. The voice of the cleaning lady came over the intercom. Two boxes of TT for consumption in room 217 repeat, two boxes of TT for consumption in room 217 I was shocked at that time. Why did the hotel still charge for TT? 40 [Go to next page] August issue joke The whole class looked at me with various eyes It was so embarrassing that I wanted to die. The counselor was very calm and took the initiative to pay the money. When I walked out of the door, the counselor asked me quietly where I found two boxes in this barren mountain. It was amazing. I'm really aggrieved On the way back to the car, I received a text message from a girl in my class. You get two boxes a night 41 August issue joke ﹢Conversation with LP after physical examination RayAllen The company organized a physical examination. After the physical examination, I had a conversation with the lp. My physical examination was fine, but my prostate was a little big. The doctor told me to eat less spicy food, smoke less, and drink less. lp But you don’t eat spicy food, smoke or drink alcohol? Yes, I told the doctor the same thing. The doctor said I must have been sitting too much. lp Yes, I also feel that I have done a bit too much. My doctor told me to get up and move around for a few minutes every two hours. lp was a little surprised. I did it for 2 hours and then got up and moved for a few minutes. The doctor must have taken the wrong medicine. I was a little stunned at first, but then I finally realized that LP was thinking wrongly. 42 August issue joke ﹢[Y] Wife’s road test xcy My wife went to take the road test excitedly early in the morning, but failed and came back very depressed. I quickly felt relieved. It was normal that I didn't pass it for the first time. It was normal. There was no need to punish myself for squeezing the bus back. Fuck it. Why don't you find a black car? My wife said, forget about black cars. There is a car in front of the driving school that costs 30. I think it’s expensive. It’s half a street away. The master suddenly realized it and shouted loudly, "I know you haven't passed the exam, so I'll give you a cheaper fee of 25..." My wife added very depressedly, I guess more than 100 people at the station heard it. 43 August issue joke ﹢Sell mobile phone reprint Jfangzhou Talking about summer job, selling mobile phones in a mobile phone mall One day at noon, during lunch time, there was almost no one in the store. An uncle-like person came to the counter next to him to look at the hands. It just so happened that the girl at the counter hadn't eaten yet and was very weak. The uncle didn't look like someone who bought a mobile phone. I didn’t get up and put my arms on the counter to support my head. Because this girl’s breasts are relatively large, I should look at them. Suddenly I realized that I could see MM’s cleavage, and my eyes were straight. I was going to remind that MM, but MM There was no response. After a few minutes, MM said, "Brother, have you seen enough? If you have seen enough, just buy a mobile phone." As a result, the uncle bought a mobile phone and ran away without saying anything. 44 August issue joke ﹢Watching TV roseven First of all, I want to tell you that I have gone down the mountain and have been out of customs for a little more than a week. There are no entertainment activities in the ward. There is only a TV. There is also a 201 phone. The 201 phone was invalidated on June 31, 2009. This I don’t usually watch TV. Some TV programs I watched were a bit funny, so I wrote them down to share with you. Maybe some are old and some are not very funny. It’s just my opinion. Forgive me^^ 1 I have never understood who Sa Beining is. And Thatcher is a British person. Why is Sa Beining so foreign? His name is Chinese 2 There is another advertisement that I don’t understand. Why should I go to Fei Luo and Kaka if I have a sore throat? They have nothing to do with each other. Qingyang That's right. You should ask Ronaldo and Barthez to join in the fun with Ronaldo. 45 [Go to next page] August issue joke 3. The advertisement of Jinba Men's Wear gives you such a man. Such a man means long. A loser who loses to a competitor after becoming a queen and whose self-esteem is trampled, so he rushes abroad to try his luck. Who would buy such a product image? 4 Speaking of product image, why is Edison Chen still on TV? He is everywhere. The advertisement of Herbal Music with Edison Chen feels like a party 5. When cctv4 is broadcasting news, the color bar suddenly changes for tens of seconds. It happened several times. I really don’t understand what it is. Question: What is behind the color bar? 6. Wahaha’s beverage advertisements are similar to those of Pierre Cardin. They are really amazing. There is one advertisement in them. It's about taking classes and driving. In the end, it doesn't explain whether the drink contains alcohol or not. Why is it so named? The homophonic name was probably GAY's idea. 7 Xiao Shenyang just endorses laundry ads and so on. Why does it endorse Great Wall Cool Bear Motors? Especially It’s another advertisement from Kuxiong saying that the reverse flow line shape uniquely shows masculine charm. This is similar to the image of Xiao Shenyang. What? 46 [Go to next page] August issue joke 8 In the advertisement for the news parlor, there is a person with the word "IT" above his head, which means "receiving guests". There are some people in the hall who are not human beings 9 Pepsi advertisement. As soon as someone finished speaking, the child said, “I can’t hear you.” This is not the case. Have you actually heard the feedback others gave after speaking? He just pretended not to hear. 10 Jindian Milk He said that the grass they use is specially selected. The screen shows a locust on the grass. It is worth noting that this locust is yellow. It is said that when there are only a few locusts, they are green. When there is a locust plague, locusts will turn yellow when they gather in large numbers. 11 There are too many advertisements for sporting goods, and the slogans are mostly the same. How can anyone understand the current market situation without checking the data? List the sporting goods and corresponding mottos on it, I think he is awesome ps TV’s three major advertising series: sporting goods, water, skin care and cosmetics, all seem to be huge profit industries 47 August issue joke ﹢Radio advertising is very talented orv Listen to Tianjin 99 Music Station every morning You will always hear the following three consecutive advertisements 1. Female 1 Sister Wang. Please remember this name. I am unexpectedly pregnant. What should I do? Female 2, don’t be afraid. Go to Tianjin Huaxia Hospital. This hospital will solve the problem of unwanted pregnancy BLABLABLA today. Surgery, go to work tomorrow Female 1 Female 2 solved the unexpected pregnancy and went to Tianjin Huaxia Hospital Comments The story begins here. Female 1 is judged to be Xiao Zhang through the following text. She is unexpectedly pregnant. Find Sister Wang’s consultation Sister Wang asked Xiao Zhang to go to Tianjin Huaxia Hospital 48 [Go to next page] August issue joke 2. Female husband, I’m pregnant and I just became a manager, what should I do? Men, don’t be afraid, Sister Wang said, Tianjin Liren Women’s Hospital solves unexpected pregnancy BLABLA BLA Female, I have gynecological inflammation, will it affect the surgery? Male Sister Wang said that there are experts there who specialize in treating gynecological diseases BLABLABLA today Have surgery and go to work tomorrow Female male solves unexpected pregnancy and goes to Tianjin Liren Women’s Hospital Comments: Xiao Zhang went home to talk to her husband about her pregnancy problem. Xiao Zhang’s husband and Sister Wang have an ambiguous relationship. If it wasn’t ambiguous Why is a woman nagging a man about unwanted pregnancy and gynecological inflammation every day? Xiao Zhang’s husband suggested that Xiao Zhang go Tianjin Liren Women’s Hospital Xiao Zhang pretended to agree 49 [Go to next page] August issue joke 3. Female 2 Xiao Zhang, didn’t you have an abortion yesterday? Why are you coming to work today? Female 1 Sister Wang I had the surgery at Tianjin North China Hospital. Three minutes to solve unexpected pregnancy. I'm pregnant. I had surgery yesterday. I'll go to work today. Female 1 Female 2 To solve the problem of unexpected pregnancy, go to the Gynecology Department of Tianjin North China Hospital Comment: Xiao Zhang went to North China Hospital for surgery. Sister Wang must have thought that Xiao Zhang either went to Huaxia Hospital or went to Huaxia Hospital. Liren was very surprised to find that Xiao Zhang could go to work today, so she concluded that Sister Wang gave Xiao Zhang and Xiao Zhang’s husband The recommendations are all good hospitals that are impossible to perform surgery today and go to work tomorrow. And the smart Xiao Zhang himself I went to the gynecology department of Tianjin North China Hospital and actually went to work the next day, which proved that Xiao Zhang and her husband had a grudge. I am also wary of Sister Wang. The superficial harmony cannot conceal the dark truth. 50 August issue joke ﹢Tell me a few things about my nephew slimffx 1. My nephew is 2 and a half years old. One day, because my brother and sister-in-law were working overtime, I sent him to my grandma’s house. The child's aunt and uncle took him to play. They happened to drive by my brother's house. The little guy said, "Aunt, this is not right." Have you arrived at my house? Come and have a meal at my house. I paused for more than ten seconds and then took a picture of myself. Thighs. By the way, my mother is not at home today. Let’s come back to eat some other time. At that time, his aunt was so happy that she was a 2-year-old child. 2. Last week, my sister-in-law came to Beijing for a three-day business trip. When she came back, she asked her, "Do you miss your mother?" I'll go back to my hometown so you can't see me Makes my sister-in-law angry 51 [Go to next page] August issue joke 3. My mother usually takes care of the children. On weekends, my brother and sister-in-law are off work and my mother goes back to her hometown. 20 kilometers One weekend, my sister-in-law took him out to play, and the neighbors asked, "Where is your grandma?" "Going to work Ask again, "Why is your grandma gone?" My nephew was very impatient. He raised his voice and said, "Go back to work for ***," referring to my father. name 52 August issue joke ﹢[Insist on one sentence every day] 14 Support JudyFang I don’t know how I started chatting with someone. From what you said, it sounds like you want to keep a lover He has no one to cover for, and no money to cover with. Let me tell you that you really have the heart to support a lover, but the conditions are not mature. I despise you. What do you think if someone is willing to support you with 10,000 yuan a month? Of course I won't do it If he makes 100,000 a month I won't do that either He makes 1 million a month I That's ok... 53 [Go to next page] August issue joke He shows that you have the desire to be kept, but the conditions are not mature and he despises you. I It's different. I look like this and someone gives me more than 10 million a year. It shows how much that person loves me this is definitely love he [For more JudyFang originals, please see x 15 9] 54 August issue joke The creative staff of this monthly magazine Editor-in-Chief: biancr JokeEditor: Dio MMJoke Editor: bi0 & Dio Wall Painting: Kieslowski For more and more complete monthly magazines, please see the highlights x 15 joke monthly magazines, endless excitement Tip: Remember to vote 55